Page 34 of Penalized Love

Friends. The word feels strange in terms of Asher and me, but I guess it’s a start. “Maybe someday,” I repeat, not wanting to make any promises I’m not sure I can keep.

“Anyway, I should get going.”

“Right, of course.” Asher steps back, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see you later?”

“You will.” With that, I leave Asher standing in Brewed Beginnings, happy he doesn’t try to walk me out or to my car. The quicker I put distance between us for me to process what just happened, the better.

14

ASHER

The crispness of the morning air swipes at my face, but I ignore it as I keep up with the pace Levi has set. I groaned when Levi suggested that we go for a run last night. It is one of the few weekends we don’t have a hockey game, and while we have a volunteering event tomorrow, I’d been hoping to sleep in today. However, now I don’t think this run is such a bad idea. It’s helping to clear my mind, especially after my conversation with Isla last night.

As my feet pound the pavement, I can’t shake the memory of how Isla looked when I explained my reasoning for doing what I did. I’d been expecting her to stand up and leave Brewed Beginnings pissed off, and I know I’m fortunate that didn’t happen. With a deep breath, I push myself to run faster, as if I can outrun the emotions that she displayed that have been running on repeat in my mind.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Levi says as he glances at me as we round a corner. “Still thinking about Isla?”

“Yep. Can’t get her out of my head. I thought talking through what happened years ago would make me feel…more at peace with what occurred, but it didn’t. Seeing the look on her face…”

I trail off, unable to find the right words to describe the expression on her face. It’ll take a long time for me to forget it, that’s for sure.

Levi nods, his breath coming out in steady puffs. “It’s a start, though. You’ve taken the first step in mending things with her. That’s not easy.”

“I know, but I can’t help feeling like I should do more. I want to prove to her I’m not the same guy I was back then. That I’ve grown and changed.”

“And you will,” Levi assures me, his tone confident. “Just give it time.”

I grunt in response, my thoughts circling around my next move. It would be easy to just avoid her when I can and keep things professional when I can’t. But I know that’s not the right approach. I can’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers, not when Isla and I are in the same place at the same time.

None of this is a coincidence. I know she’s the one that got away, and now I have the opportunity to right my wrongs.

“Well, I’m thinking of doing something to show her I’m serious about fixing things between us,” I say, breaking the silence between us.

I look over at Levi and see that he’s raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“I’m not sure yet. But something is telling me to do this because just having the talk isn’t enough.”

“What are you trying to get at?”

The tone of his voice almost makes me pause. “What do you mean?”

“Answering my question with a question. Interesting.”

I let out a sigh, my pace slowing so I can think. “I just... I want to do something that shows Isla I’m sincere. That I’m not just saying empty words.”

Levi matches my stride, thankfully. “I get that, but you gotta be careful. You don’t want to come on too strong and push her away.”

“I know, I know.” I run a hand through my hair, which is getting damp. “It’s just... funny. I feel like I was giving you advice about Hailey not too long ago.”

“You were, and now I’m returning the favor, even though I’m still not exactly sure I understand your motives.”

I don’t understand my reasoning either, so at least we’re both on the same page. The headache that is starting to form becomes more pronounced as I try to make sense of all of it. That forces us into another round of silence. The only thing I can hear is the sound of our sneakers hitting the pavement.

“Look, man,” Levi says. “I know you care about Isla. And I respect you for wanting to make things right. But you gotta be honest with yourself about your intentions.”

I let out a heavy sigh, knowing he is right. The truth is, my feelings for Isla have always been more complicated than I’ve been willing to admit. Even after all these years, the connection between us is still there. In fact, it might have grown stronger because of us being apart.

“I don’t know what I want,” I confess for the first time out loud.

---