Page 23 of Penalized Love

Knox rolls his eyes. “You look like you need it. You look like shit.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. It’s not just what he said, but it’s also the first thing he’s said to me outside of the rink in days.“Well, I also feel like it, so that works.”

Levi smirks.“Knox is trying to say that you’ve got that ‘I need to punch something’ look on your face. And it’s something I’m only used to seeing from Blaise.”

I shake my head, setting my bag down. He’s not wrong.“Just got a lot on my mind.”

Knox stands up and pats the bench.“Nothing like a workout to clear shit up. Iron therapy, if you will.”

If I’m being honest, I need to see a therapist. The gym can help for now, however.

I sit on the bench and grab one of the fifty-pound barbells that Knox and Levi hadn’t had a chance to put back on the rack. I start with bicep curls as I shut out the noise, crowding my brain between thoughts of my past with Isla, Coach’s words, and Mom’s worries. There is a time and place for that, and right now, I need to focus on one thing: myself.

I grab the other barbell and switch to shoulder presses. I can feel sweat forming on my forehead as I grit my teeth, trying to drown out my thoughts with physical exertion. The familiar burn yet euphoria that comes with pushing my muscles to their limits is a welcome distraction. I move on to lat pull-downs while Knox and Levi have moved on to complete their own routines. I’m locked in on this workout because it’s the only thing that matters now.

If I wasn’t, then what I did to Isla would take a front-row seat in my mind.

I should have known better. I should have been more careful with her heart. Hell, with my own heart.

And there she is again, penetrating my thoughts, even though I’m doing everything to distract myself. I finish my last set, and sit up, panting. Sweat drips down my face, and I grab my towel to wipe it away. Levi glances over at me with an eyebrow raised.

“You good, man?”he asks.

I nod, but it’s a lie. I’m not good, not even close, but I don’t want to announce it to the world. Instead, I stand up, my legs feeling slightly unsteady beneath me, but I can manage. I’ve pushed myself harder than usual, but it’s still not enough to quiet the chaos in my head.

“I’ll be right back,”I say before I head back to the other side of the gym.

There is only one thing I can do to solve the problem I can control. I find an empty bench and pull out my phone. It’s time for me to do something that I should have done years ago.

Me: Hey, Isla. I’m not sure if this is still your number, but I thought it was worth a shot. Can we meet to talk?

I hit send and stare at the screen for who knows how long before returning to my workout. Now, all I can do is wait.

10

ISLA

Telling myself that I can’t vomit because it will ruin my clothes is the only thing that is somewhat keeping me sane as I put my car into park. It will be even more embarrassing for me because today is my first day at my new job.

I’m the newest team photographer for the Crestwood Red Wolves hockey team. It is one of the best jobs I can have as a college student, and here I am, wondering if I made a big mistake.

I take a deep breath and leave my car while grabbing my camera bag from the passenger seat. The cool morning air brushes against my face, cooling my skin, but my anxiety is unwavering. I know I can do this. This is my dream job, and I refuse to let my anxiety get the best of me.

After I double-check that I’ve locked my car doors, I walk toward the arena’s entrance. I pull open the door and walk straight into the rink, where I find Dad and Bailey. Now that I think about it, I don’t know how I’m supposed to address him while we are on the clock, and that adds to my anxiousness. Should I call him Dad or Coach? I’m still debating what I shouldcall him as I walk toward the rink and feel adrenaline rush through my veins. This is where I belong.

Dad spots me first from across the rink and waves me over to where he’s standing near the doors that lead into the men’s locker room. As I walk toward him, he gives me a warm smile. “Isla, you’re right on time. The team is just about to hit the ice for warm-ups.”

“Thanks, Coach.”The word feels foreign to my tongue, but I know I need to be professional while we’re at the rink.

Dad places a reassuring hand on my shoulder while Bailey speaks up this time. “You might be nervous, with this being your first day and all, but you’ve got this. Just focus on getting some great shots and let the rest fall into place. Plus, Coach said you know a few of the guys anyway, so it’ll be like taking pictures of friends. Or something like that.”

Her confidence in me helps settle my nerves a bit. But then she adds the part about me being friends with some of the team and ruins it. However, I can’t let her in on that secret. So, I take another deep breath and square my shoulders. “I’m ready.”

Dad and Bailey lead me toward the locker room doors, and he knocks before we enter. “Is everyone decent?” A chorus of, “Yeses,” rings out before he and I enter the room.

The locker room doesn’t have the most pleasant smell, but that’s to be expected. Thankfully, no one lied because everyone is dressed. However, it doesn’t stop the warmth from growing in my cheeks. I try not to let my eyes linger on any one player for too long, mainly because I know he who shall not be named is here.

Dad clears his throat, getting everyone’s attention.“Listen up, boys. I want to introduce you to our new team photographer, Isla.”

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