Page 61 of Sidelined Love

I shrug off my coat and drape it over the back of a chair and turn to Levi. “What are you making?” I ask.

“Butternut squash risotto.”

I do a double take. I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but that wasn’t it. “I've never had that before but I'm excited to try it.”

“Great. It's done. I'm keeping it warm.”

I follow Levi into the kitchen and ask, “Where did you learn how to cook?”

“Well, my roommate freshman year taught me a thing or two before he ended up transferring out of here to go to culinary school,” he says as he takes the lid off the pot.

For a moment I watch as he stirs the risotto, and the smell is amazing. I feel my stomach growl and am thankful that Levi doesn't show any indication that he hears anything. I lean against the counter as he takes out two bowls and plates up our dinner. This all feels very domestic, for lack of a better description, and I'm not running for the hills… at least not yet.

We leave the kitchen and walk into the dining area, and Levi pulls out a chair for me. I thank him as he takes his seat opposite mine. “So, this is pretty fancy for us chatting about a chess event,” I start, picking up my fork and diving into the risotto.

Levi chuckles. “You mentioned this was starting to sound like a date, remember?”

“Right. How could I forget?” I take a bite of the risotto, and it's like an explosion of autumn on my taste buds. “This is incredible, Levi.”

His smile widens as he watches me enjoying his cooking. “Thanks. Glad you like it,” he replies before taking a bite himself.

As we eat, our conversation drifts from classes to the latest hockey game. Levi recounts a play-by-play of the winning goal, and while he has to take some time to explain some of the concepts to me, he looks to be enjoying it.

Levi grabs his napkin and wipes his mouth before he says, “Hey, there's something I need to tell you.”

“I don't like the sound of this,” I reply, wondering what this can be about.

“I knew how to play chess before I asked you about it.”

I slam my hand down on the table, making it shake. The look in Levi's eye tells me he's worried I'm upset, but that isn't the case at all. “I knew it! You were picking up on concepts super-fast. Not that it isn't possible for someone to do that, but the chances of it happening are rare.”

Levi laughs so hard that I think it's from relief that I'm not pissed at him. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tattered photograph, unfolding and placing it carefully on the table between us. It's a picture of two young boys, one unmistakably Levi, with his brown hair and bright blue eyes, and the other, slightly taller with a similar build. They're sitting at an old wooden chess table with a man standing near them.

“That's my brother, Caleb,” he says softly, tapping the image of the other boy. “And our grandfather was there. Our grandfather was great at chess and taught us quite a bit before hockey took over our lives. Caleb and I used to play quite a bit and now it's something we won't ever be able to do again.”

I draw in a sharp breath because his tone tells me he’s been hurt. “What do you mean?”

“Caleb died a few years ago in a car accident.” I set my fork down and reach over to grab his hand. “I'm sorry,” I say. Although the words seem inadequate, I hope that they are helpful.

Levi shrugs, but I can tell it's an attempt to brush off the sympathy. “Thanks. His accident… It changed everything. He was supposed to be the hockey star, you know? Had all this talent on ice. At least, more than I ever had.”

“But you're amazing out there,” I say, even though I haven't been able to see it for myself. If he's the captain of the team, he must be talented and it's something he needs to hear.

He shakes his head almost dismissively. “I worked twice as hard after he died; not for me, but because his dream was left unfinished, and I needed to complete it. Dad always pushed him the most, but with him gone…” Levi trails off and there's a haunted look in his eyes that makes my chest tighten.

“It became all about you,” I finish for him.

“Yeah.” Levi exhales heavily and stares down at the crinkled photograph again. “I guess I didn't want to disappoint him any further.”

“So, is playing hockey and now us playing chess together… Is that your way of staying connected to Caleb?”

He nods slowly but waits to respond. “Yeah, something like that. I knew hockey was, but I didn't consider starting up chess again might also be. It's a way to connect to both of you.”

“I get it,” I murmur after a moment. My mother may have left by choice, but abandonment and loss are connected in their own twisted way.

Levi looks up at me then. “You do?”

“Yeah. While I don't understand what you're going through exactly because I haven't lived through it, we've both struggled with huge losses from those that were close to us.”

---