Page 46 of Sidelined Love

“I know coming to therapy can feel overwhelming, but please know this is a safe space. Everything we discuss here will remain confidential.”

I nod slowly. Hearing it from her provides a layer of assurance I didn't have when I walked in here. For that, I'm grateful.

“How has your day been so far?” Emily asks.

“It’s been… okay,” I reply, trying not to rush the words out because it would give away my nervousness. Then again, I don't think she would judge me for being anxious. “I worked my shift at Brewed Beginnings and then had an environmental science class before coming here.”

“Oh? That sounds fascinating. What are you studying at the moment?”

“We’re looking into sustainable agriculture methods,” I explain, happy to talk about something that's more neutral. “Like the impact of farm runoff on local ecosystems.”

“That's incredibly important work. Do you enjoy it?”

“I do, actually. It all can be a lot sometimes. I'm talking about the workload, by the way.”

Emily nods. “It can be difficult balancing personal life and responsibilities. How are things at Brewed Beginnings?”

A sigh escapes my lips as I think about my part-time job at the coffee shop. “Brewed Beginnings is… eh. It's like my second home, but I have issues with my manager. My coworkers and customers are usually pretty cool though.” I think about how Levi has become one of my regulars now.

“But that's not stressing you outside it being an addition to your schedule?”

I hesitate before answering. “I mean I would prefer to not be doing it, but the extra money helps make ends meet as well as gives me some spending money.”

“Understandably. Why don’t we talk about what brought you here today.”

I take a deep breath, feeling as if I'm about to rip the Band-Aid off, exposing a wound that was barely covered to begin with. “It's… it's my dad,” I begin, looking down at my fingers. “He's in the process of starting to date again. It's weird because, well, he hasn't dated since my mom left us.”

Emily tilts her head slightly. I notice that her eyes seem to be kind and attentive, encouraging me to continue without rushing me.

“I somewhat remember how it happened, at least from my perspective anyway,” I clear my throat before going on. “My mom walked out on us when I was nine. Just packed up and left without a word to me or my father. Dad mentioned they got into an argument the day before, and apparently, she packed her things while he was at work and I was at school. Dad tried to shield me from it, but he couldn’t hide that no matter how hard he tried. I remember I used to wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I'd heard her voice. I'd run around looking for her, only to find no one there.”

I shift in my seat, pulling at the hem of my sweater to give my hands something to do. “I also would wake up each morning, and for a fraction of a second… forget. Forget she was gone. Then reality would crash into me all over again. Dad was my rock though. He never let on how hard it hit him. All he did was show compassion and love to get me through that time. And you know what else is interesting about him?”

“What's that, Hailey?”

I pause to take a deep breath as tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes. “He never spoke ill of her, you know? He did everything he could to keep things as normal for me as possible. Even though his life had also been flipped on its head. I'm sograteful for everything he has done, and I want to do a better job at expressing that to him.”

“It sounds like your father has been a constant source of support and stability for you,” she says gently. “It’s clear how much you appreciate and recognize his efforts, even during such challenging times. It's natural to feel a mix of gratitude and concern when family dynamics change, especially given what you've experienced with your mother.”

“And now that he's interested in seeing someone, I'm scared,” I finally blurt out. “I know I should be happy for him, really. It’s been years since Mom left and he deserves happiness. But there's this fear that it might drastically change my relationship with my father. Also, if their relationship progresses and they become serious, what if I let myself trust this woman and… what if she leaves too?”

Emily leans forward slightly, her hands folded neatly on her lap. “It's natural to have these fears, Hailey, considering what has happened to you. But it's also important to remember that we can't predict the future.”

“How do I deal with it then? I was full on sobbing when my dad told me there is a woman that he is interested in.” My voice is barely above a whisper as a tear falls from my eyes.

“First you need to acknowledge your feelings. But then you must work toward not letting them control your actions or thoughts about others. Your father is his own person, capable of making decisions for his well-being—just like you can for yours.”

I sniffle and nod once more. What she said makes a lot of sense, but the fear is still there. Wiping a stray tear away, I can't help but draw parallels between how I view my dad's potential new relationship and how I treat the other relationships in my life.

“I guess…” I start, hesitating as I try to untangle my emotions, “this fear isn't just about Dad. It's seeping into other areas of my life. Like with Levi.”

Emily tilts her head. “Who is Levi?”

“Levi Jamison is the captain of Crestwood's hockey team. We met when he came into the coffee shop one day, and he's sort of been in my life ever since. But I'm keeping him at arm's length. Probably because I'm afraid to let anyone in.” It feels awkward to admit this out loud, but here we are.

“It's normal to want to protect yourself from potentially getting hurt.”

I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Levi doesn't know about my mom. I haven't told him because?—”

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