Page 44 of Sidelined Love

I pause, considering how to describe it. “It was… good,” I say slowly. “Most of it was about chess, but we did get to know each other a little bit better.”

Asher's eyes light up. “That sounds like it could have led into pretty deep territory to me.”

“It wasn't, trust me.” I walk away from him, hoping he'll get the hint and get back to his workout.

He doesn’t, instead choosing to follow me around, almost like a lost puppy.

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

I shrug again. “Nothing. There isn't anything to do.”

“Who are you? Where's the Levi I know?” Asher asks, his disbelief evident in his voice. “I've never seen you act this way before when it comes to a girl you're interested in.”

That's because this whole thing is different and something I've never experienced. Hailey has made it clear that because I'm on the hockey team and have the celebrity status that comes with it, there is an issue for her. It doesn't change the attractionI feel toward her. It also doesn't change my thoughts about her fighting this thing that is growing between us.

“You're not going to quit with this, are you?”

“Nope, so we should talk about it now and then we get to finish our workout for the day.”

With a heavy sigh, I look over at Asher and say, “I don't know what to do.”

Asher drops the playful tone, his expression becoming serious. “Yeah, I get it. You don't do relationships, but you want to get to know her better, so you feel conflicted.”

I nod, acknowledging the truth in his words. “It's more than that too. She doesn't like attention and she would get that if this did turn into something more. That isn't really avoidable.”

“So, what's the solution?”

I don't know what the solution is. I feel trapped between my desire to get to know Hailey better and the reality of the situation and her feelings regarding it. I can keep the status quo between us as long as possible, but I'm not going to hold out hope that she'll eventually change her mind about the attention that would come with dating me. However, I don't want to ignore whatever this is either. All of this is happening while I'm trying not to move too fast and screw things up.

“I don't know, and I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to avoid talking about all of this.”

“Fair. Okay I'll leave you alone about it. For now.”

“Thank you.”

As we continue our workout in silence, Asher's words are playing on repeat in my head. What am I going to do? I don't want to ignore the growing connection between Hailey and me, but I also can't ignore the reality of the situation. Even if she likes me, she might never overcome her dislike of the attention that comes along with dating me.

I lift the weights without thinking much about it because my mind isn't into it, but I know it's something I have to do. A part of me wants to give up, to convince myself that I'm doing too much for something that won't work out.

But I'm not a quitter.

Until I know for sure that Hailey wants nothing to do with me, I won’t give up. I can't deny the way she makes me feel and I'm not willing to throw it away unless I absolutely have to.

I finish my set, my muscles exhausted, but my mind is still moving at a million miles an hour. As I wipe the sweat from my brow, I glance at Asher, who's looking back at me.

“You'll figure it out,” he says. “You always do.”

He's right and things will work out the way they're supposed to. Once we finish up our workout, we collect our things and head on out.

Outside the gym, I take a deep breath of the cooler air, a stark contrast to the stuffiness Asher and I left behind. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out half expecting it to be someone trying to spam me with… something. Instead, it's from my father's personal email account.

Swiping the screen with my thumb, I open the email. And I quickly realize I should have ignored it:

“Levi,

I've reviewed the tapes from your last game several times now. While your performance was adequate in terms of scoring, there are things that need to be improved when it comes to defense in both your maneuvers and power play strategies…”

The words blur as I scroll through his message. Words like “improve,” “inefficiencies,” and “missed opportunities” feel as if they are everywhere. My father's voice repeats in my mind because I can hear him saying every word. It's obvious he thinks I'm supposed to be perfect.

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