Page 42 of Sidelined Love

“What is it? Did you end up getting a dog?” I ask, suddenly nervous about the shift in his tone. A dog to see and play with sounds awesome in my mind.

“Well, I met someone,” he says.

Someone? The word bounces around my head with no sign of slowing down. “Oh?” is all I manage to get out. Because what else is there to say?

“Yeah, it was unexpected,” he admits with a small chuckle. “At the grocery store of all places. Her name's Angela. We've been talking over the last couple of days and so far, she's lovely.”

My mouth drops open as I hop off my bed. It's as if my world has tilted off its axis slightly and nothing is in alignment anymore. But I can't show it.

“Oh wow.” The words taste like cardboard on my tongue. Speaking about it is one thing, but now this is becoming real.

I'd done my best to not think about it for the most part after Dad brought it up, but all of those emotions I've tried to hide from myself are back and bubbling underneath the surface.

“I want to be transparent about it, especially because we already talked about it,” Dad continues. “I'm thinking of asking her out to dinner.”

I swallow hard, trying to maintain a calm façade over the phone. Thankfully, he can't see what I'm actually doing because he would immediately be able to read me like a book.

I can't explain why I'm panicking about this, but I am. It all seems fast for me, but I'm proud of him for taking this step. I take a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady my voice before responding. “That's great, Dad. I'm really happy for you.”

The words sound silly to me, but it's all I can come up with. I pace the length of my bedroom to give my body something to do because I don't know what will happen if I don't.

“Thanks, sweetheart. I know this might feel a little strange for you. It's new for me too. But I want you to know that no matter what happens, you'll always be my number one.”

I feel tears forming at the corners of my eyes and I hate it. “I know. It's… it's been the two of us for so long, so this feels strange.”

“I know and we don't know where any of this may go anyway.”

That's true. It's not as if he's getting married again or something.

Yet.But that isn't something I have to think about right now.

“I'm happy for you, really,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

“I appreciate you being so supportive. This is all still new; I'm just exploring things with her.”

We chat for another minute or two before saying goodbye. As soon as I end the call, the floodgates open. I crawl into bed, burying my face in the pillow as sobs wrack my body, hoping Jade can't hear me.

I cry until the only thing I can do is be a sniffling mess, the pillowcase now damp due to my tears. I can't stop the feelings I'm having even if I know it's selfish. He promises he'll always be there, but so did Mom. I'm scared of losing him, even though I understand he deserves happiness.

Eventually, my tears subside and my breath steadies. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand before sitting up. I don't even know how long I've been crying for at this point.

Wiping away the remaining traces of tears on my cheeks, I take a deep breath and gather myself. I'm not able to fix this alone. I need to talk to someone else about this to work through my emotions.

I sit down at my desk and turn on my laptop. It takes me a little bit before I figure out what I'm looking for and I end up on Crestwood's mental health services web page. My eyes scan over the options and I start filling out the information they require.

I select an appointment slot on their online booking system, hovering over the confirm button. Do I really want to do this? Before I can dissect the answer further, I press the button, and almost instantly, a confirmation notification pops up.

That small action feels monumental, although I'm absolutely scared shitless.

17

LEVI

“You can give me one more rep.”

I want to glare at him and cuss him out for suggesting it, but my focus is on bench pressing this weight. New sweat beads form on my forehead and gravity has its way as it trails down my skin. I'm in the zone, feeling every muscle fiber singing with that good kind of burn—you know, the one that screams progress.

However, it doesn't mean that I want to do another rep. I now wish that I had my headphones on to tune him out. Taylor Swift wouldn’t force me to do another rep.

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