Page 17 of Sidelined Love

I clench my jaw, filling my glass with water from the fridge. Of course Coach Johnson called my dad. They've been friendly for years, but I wouldn't call them friends.

“I know, Dad. And I'm ready for it, I promise.” I take a long drink to calm down, hoping he'll leave it at that.

“Are you really though? Because if you're not, you'll miss out on crucial opportunities,” he continues to press. “This is your time to step up and show everyone you're the best of the best. It's what Caleb would have done and was on the way to doing.”

And there it is. Any time hockey comes up, he finds a way to loop it back to my older brother, Caleb. Hockey prodigy, killed in a car accident three years ago. I grip the edge of the counter until my knuckles turn white.

“I know, Dad. But I'm not Caleb.” My voice comes out strained, barely above a whisper. Deep down, I know where every call from my father about hockey is going to lead, but it's still like a knife to the heart when Caleb is brought up. I wish for once he could see me as me, not an inferior replacement for the son he lost.

An uncomfortable silence passes between us before he responds. “You have the potential, Levi. You always have. But you need to push harder. That’s what I’ve always tried to instill in you.”

He’s telling the truth about that. With how many hours he works, Caleb, Mom, and I barely saw him unless it was him finding a way to attend one of our hockey games. I can’t even remember the last time we went on a family vacation with all of us. Definitely not since Caleb died.

I shake my head in an attempt to remove the memories. “I understand and realize it more than you know.” It is time to end this, or he’ll further ruin my mindset. “Listen, I should get going because I have class, but I'll talk to you later, okay?”

“That's fine. We can talk about some of your strategies for the year and?—”

“Bye, Dad,” I say as I end the call, happy to have remained slightly unscathed.

It's as if he never hears anything I say, but that's the norm. He loves to push me to live up to the expectations that were set for my brother, and then he gets disappointed when I don't meet them although they are unrealistic anyway. It's exhausting, time consuming, and is just another thing I don't need to have shoved into my face constantly.

I finish my water and set the empty glass in the sink with more force than necessary. The glass clatters loudly against the metal basin and I shake my head as the sound rings in my ears for a couple of seconds.

Walking into my bedroom, I grab the hoodie I should have brought with me this morning before going back into the kitchen. I check the time and curse to myself. I have to be out of my apartment in a couple of minutes in order to arrive at class on time.

I run a hand through my hair as I try to ignore the feelings I have as a result of the conversation with my father. I know my dad means well in his own way. He wants me to be the best version of myself. But constantly comparing me to Caleb only makes me feel inadequate.

Growing up, Caleb was the golden child because he was talented, driven, and charming. Everyone loved him, especially my dad. They were always so close, bonding over hockey at the rink. Caleb was also my role model and the reason I got into hockey. I love hockey, but it was definitely Caleb's thing before it was mine. I started playing to have something in common with him and to seek my father's approval.

When Caleb died, it gutted our family. My parents were never the same. While the light in Mom's eyes dimmed, my father became more invested in me and my hockey playing. He started pushing me harder as if he was trying to keep Caleb's memory alive through me. And that, to me, is unfair.

I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. I quickly make sure I have everything I need for the classes I have today and leave my apartment, forcing myself to leave the thoughts I have about my home life there as well.

7

HAILEY

There are several things I prefer to do on a Saturday morning.

Sleeping in for as long as I can.

Eating whatever I want.

Binge watching reality television shows.

Reading a book on my never-ending TBR.

Not being at Brewed Beginnings if Marc is there.

One thing that is definitely not on the list? Darting across campus with Jade for a scavenger hunt.

I swallow my annoyance as I walk up to the place where we're supposed to meet to start the festivities. Because I'm running a little late, Jade decided to meet me at the quad because she's too excited about this. I don't fight her on this because it gives me some time to myself to mentally prepare for whatever the hell is going to be thrown at me.

I use my hand to block the sun as I get closer to the quad. It's easy to find where we are supposed to be due to the colorful balloons that are tied on the lampposts and the table with a rainbow-colored sign labeledScavenger Hunttaped to the front of it.

It is also easy to find Jade.

Her bright red shirt makes her easy to spot but it's her energy that puts the spotlight on her. I can't help but smirk because of how happy she looks right now. She will never admit this, but she's literally bouncing on the balls of her feet. I'm not sure if I've ever seen anyone do that besides being caught in a cold environment, but it is the best way I can describe what she is doing.

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