Page 51 of Don't You Want Me, Baby?

‘I kicked the shit out of him.’

‘Yeah, she’d have done that too.’ Her jaw clenched so tight, speaking was difficult. ‘I’m okay; I don’t need you to put me back together. I was already over him. I only went there in the first place to tell him to stop calling.’ She laughed bitterly. ‘Looks like I know what he was calling about, eh?’

‘Don’t, Amber. None of that was your fault.’

She shrugged him off. ‘I’m a big girl. Please, just go.’

‘No.’ His refusal was a low, rumbling growl. ‘I’m not leaving you, not like this. Please, let me explain. Properly.’

‘It’s too late for all this—’ she started, but he cut her off.

‘You and I are forever. It’s never too late to fix this. I won’t stop ’til we get back on track. We were so close. I know that night wasn’t planned, but it was the best God-damn night I’ve ever had. I will never regret it. I don’t care how we started, Cherry. I just love that we finally did. I just wish I’d had the balls to say something sooner. I never should have let Bradley get anywhere near you.’

‘Why did you? You’re talking now like you’ve been some kind of lovesick puppy.’

‘I was! God, Amber, you never saw it, did you? All those drunken punters I chased off? The way Bradley and I were with each other after you got together? I’ve wanted you since we first met. I didn’t date because there isn’t a woman in the world that compares to you. I would do anything for you. Anything.’

I know you would. That’s why I’m letting you go.‘No.’ It came out as cold, harsh. ‘You wouldn’t. If you cared about me that much, you would never have let me walk into that. I am humiliated beyond belief! It’s too late.’

‘I know you’re angry. I get it. I will regret not telling you for the rest of my life, but we can get over this.’ His eyes were bright with unshed tears, and she looked away, blinking her own out of sight. ‘All that matters is us, Amber. The rest can be sorted.’ And he would, she knew. If she let him, she’d make it all better. He’d kill himself to do it.She needed to let him go. She couldn’t let a man like this be shackled to a woman with baby fever who was about to take a shot at a new business. If she let him, he’d make his life hers. It was too much pressure, after everything. She was too used to being the one taking care of others. If she let him in now, hewould never leave her side. As much as her heart broke, she wanted him to be happy. To not shed pieces of himself. She thought of him, in London, cooking his creations and maybe meeting a girl who loved him instantly. Who saw him for who he was and didn’t take years to open her damn eyes.She’ll be the luckiest one in the world.

Taking in a shuddery breath, she shut down every emotion telling her to run into his arms and used her words to push him away forever.

‘It’s too late for this. Any of this. You can explain all you like, but you lied, Tyler. I can’t trust you any more, and we’re on different paths. You have a big life to go out there and live. I’m getting what I wanted. It’s done. My plans are happening, and it’s too late to turn back. I made my mind up a few hours ago. So, like I said, Tyler. There’s no point picking at this scab. It’s done.’

‘What do you mean?’ He was moving towards her, until her next words brought him to a shuddering stop.

‘I did it. The donation.’

His brows knitted together. ‘You… inseminated yourself?’

Her eyes flicked towards the kitchen. ‘I did what I should have done a while ago. I put myself and my life first. With a bit of luck, it worked. I’ll have my baby, and the Arms. You need to go to London, and get what you want. You stayed for me, Tyler, and I thank you for that, but I’m good. You can go.’

His jaw locked, and she looked away when the first tear spilled down his cheek. ‘Is that what you really want? To just go through with this, and on your own?’

‘That was the plan.’And it’s about the only thing that might get you to accept this before I crumble and show you how I feel. What was it they said? If you love something, set it free?‘You’re free, Tyler. And you’re fired.’

Tyler’s head shake wasn’t rude, but it felt like a slap all the same.Like he was trying to shake her news right out of his head. ‘The fuck I am. Don’t do this, please. Plans change, Amber.’

‘Oh, don’t I know it. Sometimes they change without you knowing. People still manage to get what they want out of life though, somehow.’

‘So take it back. Give us a chance!’ His voice broke, and her eyes snapped to his. He looked so… broken and she hated herself for it. ‘This baby… if it is going to be a baby, doesn’t mean the end of us.’

Amber turned away, unable to look him in the eye a minute longer. Allowing the tears to fall unseen.

‘This baby is mine, not ours. There is no us. I have no room for anything else. I’ll be busy, with that and work.’ She needed him to leave, to propel him away from her. So she dug her heels in, focused on the anger and betrayal she’d felt when she’d realised at the party just how much she’d missed when she was making plans like a blind idiot. ‘When I look at you, I see all the times you looked me in the face and didn’t tell me all the things you wanted to. I don’t want a man who stays silent, hiding behind the truth. You had your chances, Ty, for all of it. You didn’t take them, and now I don’t have any more to give you. All this, now, it doesn’t change a thing for me. I don’t want to hurt you either. We were friends. Maybe someday we can get that back but, at the minute, things are just too raw. I just want you to go. Please.’ She drew a deep breath. ‘I don’t need the stress of all this. Not right now.’

‘Amber…’

‘Leave, Tyler. I have nothing left to say. You don’t work here any more. Call the agency.’ She bit her lip, forcing herself not to break down. ‘I’ll write you a good reference. I owe you that.’

He was silent for so long that she thought he might have left. She waited for some kind of noise, his footsteps, the closing of the door. There was nothing but the ticking of the clock on the wall. It soothed her numbness somehow. The assuring, reliable sound wasjust about the only thing holding her together as she willed her muscles to work. When she finally turned, the spot where Tyler had stood was empty. She stared at it for what felt like forever, before heading to the bathroom. The second the door closed, she lifted the toilet lid and vomited onto the white porcelain as tears streamed down her face. When she finally felt empty, she leaned against the sink, swilling the taste from her mouth with the cold water. Looking into the mirror, she remembered another one of her grandmother’s old sayings.

Love makes liars of us all.

19

Shazza

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