Page 95 of All My Broken Pieces

Pushing to my feet, I sling my bag over my shoulders and head out toward the rest of my life. My smile spread across my face a permanent fixture. With one last look over my shoulder, I pull the door closed and officially shut that chapter of my life.

Ready to ride off into the sunset with my love.

Being on the run officially sucks.

It’s much more glamorous in my stories. In reality? It’s exhausting.

Every time we see a cop, or drive through one of those traffic camera things, I can feel my heart climb into my throat at the thought they might know it’s us.

And don’t get me started on pit stops.

If I have to go inside another gas station and have a near heart attack as Arriana speaks effortlessly to the cashier like her life isn’t on the line, I don’t think I’ll make it.

Exiting one such station, I climb into the car Andrew obtained for us. The mid-size SUV sporting blacked out windows and looking like every vehicle I imagined a mafia member would own. “You know we look like drug dealers in this thing?” I gripe, slamming the door shut behind me.

Arriana chuckles, sliding into the driver’s seat and closing her door with much less force. “I’m a much cooler criminal than some drug dealer, baby.” She winks at me, throwing the car in drive and pulling out onto the road.

I roll my eyes, looking around me in search of the book I was reading. “This what you’re looking for?” Arriana hums, holding up the novel.

I reach for it, growling in frustration when she pulls it out of my reach. A sly grin spreads across her face. “Ask nicely.” She teases, only serving to further grate at my frayed nerves.

It’s beendayswith only the occasional sip of liquor tying me over to the next. The bottle now nearly empty and my irritability growing with each drink bringing me closer and closer to being completely without the only thing that keeps the already overwhelming anxiety at bay.

I can feel the familiar buzzing under my skin and I flex my fingers in an attempt to distract myself enough that I don’t lash out at my girlfriend for just trying to be playful.

At my silence, Arriana slowly lowers her arm, glancing over at me. Without a word, she indicates off the road and pulls into an empty parking lot. A heavy silence falls in the vehicle as we idle in place.

“You need to talk to me.”

I startle at the quiet demand. Turning to face her, I clench my jaw and slowly spit out between my teeth, “Like you talk to me?”

Stop, just talk to her.

I ignore the small voice inside, opting to glower instead at my other half. She flinches, running a hand through her hair. I expect her to argue, to fight back, but am shocked when instead she murmurs, “You’re right.”

The agreement is enough to shock me out of my spiral. “I am?” I whisper.

I’ve always had to fight to have myself heard, and usually I just give in, deciding the argument isn’t worth it. Years of conditioning that what I think doesn’t matter at war within me with the realization that that’s not my life anymore. Not when the person I’m with cares aboutme, about what I want and what I need.

But right now, what I need, I can’t admit. Not to her. Not after everything.

Turning toward me, she nods, taking one of my hands in hers. “I’m scared.” She admits, shocking me further.

I gape at her wordlessly, unsure what to say.

Awkwardly chuckling at my silent disbelief, she shrugs. “Yeah, I’m not familiar with the emotion. I’ve only been truly afraid a handful of times in my life. But right now, I’m terrified.” Reaching a hand up, she tucks my hair behind my ear, cupping the side of my face. “I’m afraid I’m losing you. That you fell in love with the idea of me, but now that you’re having to see the reality that…that you regret your decision.”

I gulp, shifting my gaze away from her face. I still haven’t asked what really happened, but I’ve pieced together by the little road trip we’re on that it couldn’t have been good.

Would I regret it? If I found out the truth and it’s worse than I think, would I want to run away?

Something settles inside me as I realize the answer. Some of the unnerving buzz fading into the background.

Covering her hand on my cheek with my own, I wait for her to meet my gaze before speaking. “There’s nothing you could have done that would make me feel any less in love with you. Do I regret coming on this trip? Kinda.” I shrug, but quickly continue when her face falls. “But do I regret coming on it withyou? Hell no.”

She smiles softly, stroking her thumb along my cheek. “What is it then, baby? What’s wrong? And please don’t lie to me.”

I gulp, shifting in my seat. “Well, besides the cramped car for thirteen hours a day, and the, you know,hiding from the law? Oh, and the surviving off of chips, gross gas station corn dogs and sandwiches, and whatever other snacks we can get. Yeah, just peachy. I don’t even know where we’re going, Arriana.” My rushed words flow out before I can stop them, my tone getting sharper with each sentence. “I’m not built for this life. I’m the ‘stay inside and read a book with a nice cup of coffee’ type girl. I live my adventures through fiction. I’m…I’m really tired.” My shoulders slump, silence following my little outburst.

---