Page 30 of All My Broken Pieces

“Is that…are you interested in playing some of this out?” My head shoots up and I stare at her with wide eyes. Huffing a laugh, Arriana sinks into the seat beside me, pulling me into her lap. “I might have different equipment, baby, but you say the word and I’ll make your fantasies come to life.”

I open my mouth to reply, but the words stick in my throat as the room melts away. A scream catches in my throat as I watch Arriana disappear, only to find myself all alone, bound and gagged in a darkened room.

Thrashing against the binds wrapped around my wrists and ankles, I scream into the cloth, desperate to escape this hell I’ve found myself in.

“Fallon. Baby, it’s okay, I’m right here.”

I whip my head around the room, trying to find her in the darkness, but I can’t.

“Arriana.” My cry is muffled by the cloth shoved between my teeth, and no matter how many times I try to free myself, I can’t.

I’m trapped. Alone. And fucking terrified.

Gasping, I shoot upright, a hoarse cry escaping my lips as my consciousness fights for dominance. I blink several times, trying to adjust my eyes to the dark room. With a sense of relief, I lift my arms to find they’re free, the binds of my dream just that. A dream.

Sucking in deep breaths, I work to calm my racing heart. As my breathing evens out, a deep sense of loneliness settles over me, seeping into the deepest parts of my being.

I don’t know if I can keep doing this.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough.” The thought slips out as a quiet whisper.

Curling up into a ball, I hug my knees to my chest and do something I didn’t think I would ever do again.

I pray.

“Please, just…help me do the right thing.”

My whispered plea goes unanswered as all my prayers have, but I still find myself crying out for help. Begging for someone to listen, because I don’t know what’s right.

When I remember that kiss with Logan, I feel sick, I feelwrong. But when I remember all the moments, all the memories with Arriana, I feel my soul crying out for her.

But does that make it right? Does me needing her more than I need the breath in my lungs, does that make what we hadgood? Or does that mean they were right, that I’m wrong, that I’mbrokenandsinfulanddestined for hellbecause of who I love?

My questions whirl in my mind, a tumultuous blend of terror, hope, guilt, and shame. And even still, I get no answer, no divine sign from the almighty. No burning bush or strike of lightning.

I get nothing but an empty bed and an aching soul.

“Okay, spill.” Ava demands, leaning her hip against the counter.

I chew on my lip, looking down at the steaming cup of coffee in my hands. I’m exhausted. After my breakdown last night, I was able to doze off again for a few more hours of restless sleep as my dreams and memories bombarded my subconscious, only serving to further confuse me.

Huffing, Ava pushes off the counter and opens the cupboard. I peek up at her, watching as she stretches up and pulls down a bottle. I raise an eyebrow as she spins around, a conspiratorial grin on her face. “Don’t tell Killian.” She whispers, her smile widening when a small grin of my own pushes up my lips.

Walking toward the island, Ava unscrews the bottle of Irish whiskey before pouring some into my coffee mug with a wink. I giggle, bringing the spiked drink to my lips and swallowing some down. Choking on the harsh burn, I try to keep from spilling the hot liquid all over myself. “Jesus, Ava.” I laugh, shaking my head.

“What?” She asks innocently, turning to pour some of the amber liquid into her own coffee.

I chuckle and take another sip, enjoying the warmth traveling down my chest as I swallow. A few more drinks and Ican feel some of the anxiety seep away, replaced by a fuzzy glow, a lightness I haven’t felt since before the wedding.

Ava watches me as she sips her own Irish coffee. “So,” She starts, raising an eyebrow. “Ready to tell me what happened last night?”

I roll my lips, reaching up a hand to adjust my glasses before running my fingers through my hair. “Nothing happened.” I mumble, my face flushing at the lie.

Ava rolls her eyes, scoffing, “Bullshit.” I glance up at her, my eyebrows raised. “Oh, don’t give me that look, babe. You came in practically in tears then ran off.” Leaning over the island, she holds my gaze while reaching out a hand to take my trembling one, stroking my skin with her thumb. “You can tell me anything, you know that right?” I nod, biting my bottom lip. Her lips tick up on one end as she snickers, “I’m not above chopping some balls off if I have to.”

I stare at her with wide eyes before bursting into laughter, the alcohol making us both a little giddy as we fall into giggles.

“Okay, but seriously.” Ava laughs, wiping her finger under her eyes. “Did something happen on the date?”

---