Page 15 of All My Broken Pieces

The thought repeats on a loop as I drift back to sleep.

I stare blankly at my desk, fighting back a yawn as the professor drones on about sentence structure and the use of Oxford commas. Something I usually would find at least mildly fascinating, but right now I’d rather be at home curled up with my favorite stuffy.

“Comma errors are one of the most common grammatical mistakes found in any given piece. Take this sentence, for example…” I tune out the rest of her words, my mind drifting to things it shouldn’t.

Arriana and I snuggled up on the couch, Sir Ichabod held in my hands as I stroke his little furry head.

Arriana dancing to some horrendous k-pop music while I sit and watch, clapping my hands enthusiastically when she bows.

Arriana and I slow dancing at Ava’s wedding, her arms wrapped around my waist and holding me close.

Arriana hovering above me, begging me to stay.

Arriana standing in the corner of the room with a blank expression as I walked out on shaky legs, clutching my bag like a lifeline.

I blink back the tears threatening to fall.

Maybe I shouldn’t have left.

It’s not the first time the thought has come up. In the weeks since I left and moved into Ava and Killian’s spare room, my mind has whirled with constant regrets and anxieties.

My phone buzzes, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance down at the screen, biting the inside of my cheek to keep back the emotions. I haven’t been able to bring myself to change her contact name and it hurts every time it pops up.

My Love *black heart emoji* *kissing lips emoji*

Sir Ichabod misses you

With the text is a photo of the adorable little chinchilla staring off into space.

My baby.

My heart breaks at the forlorn look on his face. When I first met the little guy, I was a little shocked. But after living with him for over a year, well, he stole my heart. Almost as quickly as his Mamá did.

“Whatisthat?” I gasp, peering down at the fluffy ball of fur chittering away in its cage.

Arriana chuckles, opening the door and gently lifting its little body up to cradle in her arms. “This is Sir Ichabod, my pride and joy.” She hums, nuzzling his head with her cheek.

A twinge pulls at my heart as I watch her affectionately speak with the little creature, something clicking inside at the sight.

I gulp, reaching a shaky hand forward. “Can I?” I whisper, my eyes locked onto Sir Ichabod’s movements. Shifting my gaze to Arriana’s, I find her looking at me with an intensity that scares me just a little bit.

This is our third date, but from the way she’s watching me…I can already imagine a lifetime with her. And that scares me, even more than the unpredictable bundle of fur held in her arms.

“Most definitely. It’s about time he met the center of his Mamá’s obsession.” She winks at me and the confusing mixture of fear and excitement grows at her easy admittance to what’s building between us.

Gulping back the emotions, I shift my attention back to the white furball. Taking a step forward, I hold my hand in front of his face as an offering. He sniffs my fingers before tilting his head and nudging my hand. A smile spreads across my face as I gently stroke his head. “Well, hello there, Sir Ichabod. It’s nice to meet you.”

I look up and find Arriana focused on me. Getting lost in her dark eyes, I can already tell I’m in trouble. Because I can feel myself starting to fall for her, and I’m terrified of what’s going to happen when I inevitably do.

I choke back the emotions that well up at the memory, quickly closing out of the text and locking my phone.

Why is she doing this to me?

Arriana has texted me several times a day. Every day. She refuses to give up and I hate it. But more than anything, I love it. Because she hasn’t given up onme, even though that’s not fair.

I left for a reason, and I shouldn’t want her to be hung up on a love that can’t continue.

A love that was doomed from the start.

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