Page 105 of All My Broken Pieces

Chapter 51

Fallon

She’s crazy. I’m crazy.Thisis crazy.

“Come on, baby. I believe in you.” Arriana whispers in my ear, encouraging me to hit send.

I click the button on the mouse, screaming my excitement as I leap away from the computer. “I did it.” I breathe, wringing my hands in front of my body.

It’s been a few years since we settled down in Mexico, and it still feels like a dream. The transition was rough, one I don’t like to think too hard about. Luckily for me, a lot of it was a hazy blur as I struggled to get sober.

It was during that time that I learned to trust Arriana again. The gentle care she showed as I vomited my soul out of my body on numerous occasions. The patience she had when I had intense meltdowns and would disappear in a panic. Only for her to find me and gently stroke my hair away from my face, dabbing away the sweat with a cool washcloth and murmuring soothing words in Spanish. It was in those moments I fell in love with her all over again.

Those moments that showed me that, despite the violence I witnessed, she’s still the same woman I always knew. The same one who cared and continues to care for me through all the hard times. The only difference now is I know the darkness that lives just beneath the surface, and somehow I find it beautiful.

A sinful beauty, a dark love, but one I can’t survive without. One I don’twantto survive without.

I stare at the computer screen, my emotions bubbling up to the surface, remembering when I first decided to make this dream a reality.

“How are you doing, babe?” Ava’s worried face peers at me from my phone screen.

“I’m fine.” I lie, tying my hair up in a messy bun to get it off of my sweaty neck. The call goes silent and I glance over at my phone, finding her watching me closely. “What?” I sigh, propping my chin in my hands, elbows on the table.

Ava stares at me, chewing on her lip as she contemplates whatever she’s going to say.

“Oh for god’s sake, just spit it out.” I groan, another wave of nausea rolling through me.

She clears her throat, twirling a lock of her auburn hair on her finger. “I dunno, you just seem different.” She muses, her gaze piercing through me.

I laugh humorlessly. “Yeah, I get it, I’m a hot mess right now.” Rolling my eyes, I find I wish I hadn’t answered the call.It had just been several days since we had spoken and I could tell she was worried. And, if I’m honest with myself, I was also worried about her in light of the new information about her husband.

Ava tsks, shaking her head. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. But I dunno, there’s something…mysterious about you now. Like you’ve got this big secret and carrying this air of mystery.”

I swallow down the panic at her words. She’s right, I do hold a secret now. One I won’t tell her, that Ican’ttell her.

“It’s nothing, really.” I mutter. Shaking myself, I wink at her. “You’re just watching too much TV again. Gotta get back into the books.”

There’s a beat of silence before she chuckles. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Speaking of which…”

The rest of the call is spent chatting about all the new releases coming out and what we’re most excited about. Just as I think we’re about to say our goodbyes, she says something that rocks my world.

“So, you’ve got all this free time now.” I roll my eyes at her, because of course that’s how she’d see it. “Hey now, I’m serious. Have you thought of what you want to do with it? Besides the obvious: books, sex, beach.”

I chuckle at her summarization of all of my favorite things. But her question has me contemplating.

“I, um, I always wanted to write.” I murmur, my cheeks blooming at the quiet admission.

Ava squeals, shocking me out of my embarrassment by her enthusiasm. “Ohmygod, yes! My bestie is going to be the next smut queen.”

A laugh bursts free from my chest and it feels good. “Who said I was going to write smut?” I quip, leveling her with the most serious look I can muster. All she has to do is raise hereyebrow and my faux indignation breaks immediately. “Okay, okay, you’re totally right.” I snicker.

My mind wanders, imagining what it would be like to actually write out the stories that constantly play out in my head. To bring life to the characters and give them the love they wouldn’t otherwise have if I didn’t create them.

A smile spreads on my face as I find a renewed purpose I haven’t felt since I was forced to drop out of college.

This is it, I just know it.

And it was it.

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