Page 4 of Lost in Life

Before he can see his impending victory, I fill my spoon full of cheesy goodness, bend it back, and fling the pasta toward him. I watch as my attack lands perfectly on his face, the sauce dripping down into his lap. Staring at me incredulously, he opens his mouth to say something before quickly shutting it again. I smirk and dive back into my food, finishing my last bite just before my mom takes notice of the chaos.

“Catherine Nova Harlan!”

Everyone freezes as my mom’s voice fills the room. I flinch at the sound of the name. West meets my gaze, his expression concerned. He knows what it does to me when someone calls methat.

Taking a deep breath, I push back from the table. “Excuse me.” I mutter. Turning to leave the room, I push back the tears threatening to fall.

As I leave I can hear West snap something but can’t make out the words over the thundering of my heart.

West

“Seriously, Ella?” I snap, throwing my silverware down and leaping from my seat.

“Don’t take that tone with me, Westley.” She huffs, crossing her arms.

I love my second mom but she can be such a cunt. Especially when it comes to Nova. Why it’s so hard for her to accept her own child is beyond me.

Turning to leave, I pause when a cold hand grasps my forearm. “Is she okay?” Mom whispers, indicating the empty space where Nova disappeared.

I sigh, patting my mom’s hand. “I’m not sure but I’ll go make surethey’reokay.” Gently retracting her hold on me, I place her hand back in her lap and leave the room.

It wasn’t a surprise when Nova first disclosed they didn’t feel comfortable being referred to in female pronouns. Sure it took a bit of an adjustment, but Nova has always beenNova, and them being non-binary literally changes nothing.

They’re still my everything.

I hesitate, torn between checking upstairs or outside. After a quick deliberation, I opt to check our secret spot first. Turning toward the front door, I sprint around the house, heading to the small alcove of trees nestled at the back of the property.

Quiet sniffling reaches me as I grow closer. A familiar anger fills me at the sound of Nova’s tears.

Why Ella? Why can’t you just get on board?

My heart aches when I find Nova leaning back against a large willow tree, the long overhanging branches surrounding them in a protective barrier. “Hey peanut.” I softly announce my arrival. Nova glances up at me with sorrowful eyes, tear tracks running down their face. “Oh Nova.” I breathe, quickly closing the distance and pulling them into my arms.

“Why?” Nova hiccups, clinging to me. “Why does she do that? She knows whatthat namedoes to me.”

I rub their back, running my hands soothingly up and down. “I don’t know.” I admit, feeling helpless. Gently gripping Nova’s arms, I pull away and offer a lopsided grin. “Want to run away together? We could go start another life.”

Even the thought of leaving feels like a knife driven into my gut. I want to provide for Nova, to take away their pain, but I also know I can never truly leave. At least not while my mom needs me.

Nova shakes their head, a small smile breaking through the pain. “You know I’d want nothing more but with your mom…” I nod, nothing more needs to be said. “Did we get enough for the treatment this time?” They whisper, more tears filling their eyes.

I swipe my thumbs under their eyes, shaking my head sadly. “No, we’re still several thousand short.” My shoulders slump as the reality hits me.

We don’t have health insurance, could never afford it. Without that, the treatment for her cancer zapped all the money she had set aside for my future. Not that I would have used it anyway. But it made paying for the increasingly expensive treatment options more and more difficult as the funds dwindled.

Nova and I try to steal what we can to help, but the random convenience store robbery doesn’t hold enough cash to cover the initial chemo, let alone the full course.

One year.

That’s the amount of time doctors have given my mom if she can’t get the treatment and, no matter how hard I try, nothing I do is enough to save her.

My arms tighten around Nova’s quivering body, seeking comfort from them as much as they are from me. Burying my face in their hair, I desperately push back the hopelessness threatening to consume me.

For the thousandth time, I send up a silent prayer for a miracle. Another unanswered prayer to a god that doesn’t care.

Chapter 2

Zayn

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