Page 35 of Lost in Life

Maybe I should have taken this approach sooner. Maybe people would have actually listened.

My musings are cut off by his snort. “Okay, I’ll bite.” He agrees, arching an eyebrow. “And what, pray tell, should I call you?”

I glare down at him, stepping back and crossing my arms. “They or them would work just fine.” I reply, watching him carefully.

His humorous expression fades to confusion. “They? The fuck?” He mumbles, glancing over my shoulder at West before returning his gaze to mine, his eyes widening. “Wait. Does that mean you're not…?” His voice trails off as his eyes go to my stomach.

“Not what?” I snap, feeling self conscious under his intense gaze.

Shaking his head, he smirks. “Well that makes things easier.” He licks his lips, raking his eyes up and down my body. “Why don’t you let me free, beautiful, and we can finish what we started earlier?” I shudder, my body responding to him despite my aversion to the man.

“You wish, asshole.” I sneer, turning my back to him to hide my reaction. Only in doing so, I’m met with West’s suspicious look. “What?” I snap at him, growing increasingly frustrated with the two men.

He looks between me and the man tied up across the room. “You don’t actually want him, right?” He asks in a low voice.

Throwing my hands in the air, I let out an exasperated noise. “Are you fucking kidding me? Can you guys stop thinking about my pussy for one goddamn second?” I cry, instantly regretting the outburst as both of their eyes shift to the space between my legs. “For fucks’ sake.” I grumble, shoving past West and out into the chilly night air.

The instant the cool breeze hits my face, all the emotion drains out of me. The earlier anger fades and I’m overwhelmed by an intense exhaustion.

Once. JustonceI wish I didn’t have to come out.

Apparently it doesn’t matter the context, whether it be a complete stranger I have tied up or my own mother, it hurts every single time.

Maybe I’ll just get it tattooed on my forehead, save myself the breath.

I let out a watery laugh, blinking back tears I didn’t realize had formed.

“Hey peanut.” West murmurs, stepping out onto the porch. Ignoring him, I keep my gaze fixed on the dark yard in front of us. Sighing, he walks closer, the wood creaking beneath each step. Coming to a stop next to me, he nudges my shoulder with his. “Wanna punch him in the face again?” He chuckles. “I knowIwould feel better.”

Snorting, I shake my head. “Shut up.” I laugh, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

Nudging me again, he smirks. “Oh come on, just one more little fist to face action?” He pleads. “It was pretty hot, ya know.” I snap my head up to look at him, my eyes wide.

Did he…?

His cheeks redden at my shocked expression but he doesn’t try to explain away his casual admittance. Studying my face for a moment, he lets out a heavy sigh, turning to face the expansive darkness. “What the hell.” He mutters, taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it.

Before I can ask what the fuck is going on in his mind, he starts talking again. “You’ve always been my person, you know.” He starts, gripping the wooden railing. “From the moment you entered my life, there was this, like, instant connection. There was never just me, it was alwaysus.West and Nova. Nova and West.” He trails off, chewing on his lip.

“West…” I mutter, my words halting when he holds up a hand.

Glancing at me, he breaks my heart with the look on his face. “Please. Let me…just let me get this out, okay? Then you can say whatever you want, or nothing at all.” He begs, holding my gaze. I slowly nod, running my fingers across my lips with a twist of my wrist in a locking motion. His lips twitch but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, looking away again. “I know I fucked it all up. Believe me, I know. I regretted leaving that church every single fucking day.” Running a hand through his hair, he blows out a breath. “I was so hurt I didn’t stop to think how much it was hurting you too. How muchIwas hurting you.”

He pauses, his shoulders slumping. “I wish I could say I would do things differently if we went back, but I don’t fucking know. I was just a kid and my mom, she was…”

I put my hand on his arm, pulling his attention to me. “I know.” I say, aching at the sorrow I find in his eyes.

He holds my gaze briefly before nodding. Reaching up a hand, he covers mine with his own. “No matter how much I was hurting over her, I never could have imagined the pain I would feel at the loss of you.” My breath catches as I listen to his words and find the truth of them shining in his eyes. “My mom might have been my only family, but Nova, you…You were myeverything,and I was a goddamn fucking idiot for ever walking out of your life.” Silence envelopes us at his declaration, even the woodland creatures have ceased their midnight chirping.

We don’t say anything, staring into each other’s eyes, attempting to communicate through just a look like we used to be able to so long ago.

Releasing my hand, he reaches up to cup my face. “I should have told you this a long time ago, peanut.” He murmurs, stroking my cheek. “I love you.”

West

My heart hammers in my chest as I watch Nova’s face. Shock fades to an emotion I can’t quite place before an all too familiar anger overtakes their delicate features.

---