Page 26 of Lost in Life

West peers down at me with sorrowful eyes. Reaching a hand up, he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know.” Blowing out a breath, his shoulders slump. “I fucking know, okay? I don’t know why I can’t-” Averting his gaze, he mumbles something to himself before turning back toward me. “I didn’t come back to fight though.”

My eyes narrow at him. Crossing my arms, I demand, “Whydidyou?”

A small smile lifts the corner of his lips as he pulls out his phone. “Because I know who did it.”

My eyes widen and my breath catches as I stare at the small device in his hand. “Yo-you do?” I stammer, desperately willing it to be true.

Smirking at me, he nods. “Sure do, peanut. How about some good ol’ fashioned revenge?”

I walk up behind West on shaky legs. The sight of the spot I received the call about Hollis nearly sends me into a panic.

Sensing my distress, West stops and turns to me. “Hey Nov, it’s okay.” He soothes, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

I shake my head, chewing on my thumb. “No, it’s not.” I mumble, shrugging his hands off. “But let’s get this over with.”

West looks down at me with sad eyes, but nods and gestures toward the entrance. “After you, m’dear.” My lips twitch at the endearment he used to use so often when we were younger. I push back the memories, squaring my shoulders and marching into the rundown apartment complex.

He slips around me, leading the way down the hall and up a few flights of stairs before stopping at a door marked 4F. Inserting his key, he twists the door knob and swings open the door.

Walking into the space, I glance around the small studio apartment. A large cushy looking bed takes up the majority of the space, a small TV is mounted to the wall across the bed, off to the right is what I suppose could be referred to as a kitchen. If a kitchen was only made up of a sink, cabinets, and two countertops with a microwave, coffee maker, and portable double burner sitting on top.

“Home sweet home.” He chuckles awkwardly behind me. Peering over my shoulder at him, I catch the pink spreading up his neck and cheeks as he rubs the back of his head. “I know it’s not much but…” His voice trails off before he shrugs and walks around me to pull a beer from the fridge.

I shake my head when he offers me one, earning myself another shrug. Not finding another place to sit, I perch on the edge of his mattress, trying to ignore the thoughts attempting to push into my mind.

Thoughts of what I’d like to do on this bed. With this man.

Shaking my head, I mentally chastise myself.

Nope, not going to let him break my heart. Again.

This is just business. In and out.

My eyes move over the apartment again in an attempt to distract myself from the ache between my legs. Noticing a dresser I hadn’t earlier, I feel my heart rate pick up at the sight of the box sitting on top of it.

That can’t be for me. Right?

Shifting my eyes to West, I find him watching me closely. I return my gaze to the box and push up from the bed, crossing the small space to stand in front of the dresser. “What is this?” I whisper, my hands shaking.

West’s voice is quiet as he replies, “Your birthday present, peanut.”

I look down at the gift. It’s wrapped in the same chaotic manner as every other present I’ve received from him throughout my life. Reaching a hand forward, I run a finger over a thick piece of wrapping paper before sliding it over to one of the spots that’s visible under the clear tape. “Why?” I murmur, picking at the tape.

It’s silent for a moment before West’s voice washes over me, the heat from his warm body radiates as he comes to stand behind me. “You know why.”

I shake my head, carefully removing the wrapping paper. Tears sting my eyes as I look down. With shaky fingers, I lift the lid of the shoebox, revealing a pair of Chucks sneaker pumps. The tears threatening to fall slip down my face, my voice coming out as a broken whisper. “You remembered.”

West tugs on my shoulder, gently urging me to turn around. Turning to face him, I blink back more tears as I find his own eyes glistening with moisture. “I never forgot.” We both know he’s not just talking about the shoes. “I’m sor-”

I shake my head, pushing past him. “No.” I snap, my breaths coming in heavy pants as I fight against the overwhelming emotions. “No, we’re not doing this. Fuck you and fuck your stupid gifts.” West’s eyes flick down to the necklace still dangling on my neck and I find I can’t breathe. With frantic movements, I reach behind my neck and unclasp the necklace, throwing it at him as my heart cracks.

“This is about Hollis’ attacker. Nothing more. Got it?” I glare at him, ignoring the agony inside at the broken look on his face as he clutches the necklace. Looking at me, he nods solemnly, making me both relieved and more furious. “Good.”

West turns and gently places the necklace inside the shoebox, closing the lid and keeping his hand on top. “Nothing more.” He echoes. With his back turned to me, I can’t see his face, but the sound of his hollow voice shows I’ve done what I wanted.

I’ve broken his heart.

But why does that make mine hurt even worse?

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