Page 28 of When The Rain Falls

"No. You need to calm down," Rebecca says, pulling the receiver from my hand and cradling it. She points to the chair behind me, suggesting I take a seat. "Barry will accuse you of intimidating witnesses. We need you on your best behavior." She leans in a little closer and looks me square in the eye. "Best. Behavior," she repeats. Now I’m a puppy in behavioral school.

I blow out a lungful of stale air. I take a seat and slump into my chair.

"Finn." Rebecca's gaze turns soft. "You ok?"

"I’m fine, Rebecca.”

Rebecca crosses her arms and tilts her head as she puzzles over me. I hate this part. The part where people try to figure out how to fix me. Nothing can fix me. Nothing can fix the fact that my favorite person in the world is gone. If everyone could just leave me alone and let me be fucking miserable, life would be so much easier.

Rebecca leans closer and peers into my face. Her eyebrows press together in confusion. “Finn, what happened to your lip?”

“Nothing.” I wave her away.

“Are you drinking again?”

“Christ, no.” I roll my chair back, eager to put distance between me and the studious way she’s reading me like a textbook.

“I know Friday was Laurel’s birthday,” Rebecca says softly. “I was in depositions all day. I never got a chance to ask how you were doing. Does that have something to do with the way you’re acting today?” Her voice is kind and her face is wrinkled with concern.

"And how, exactly, am I acting?" I spin my chair to face the wall, trying to avoid Rebecca’s eyes. Even as the words come out, I realize how much I sound like Ruby.

"You keep stomping to the copier like it's grievously wronged you. And you threatened Robby."

"The FedEx guy has a name now?"

"Robby," Rebecca repeats.

"Rebecca. Don't name them. Once you name them, you can't get rid of them," I mutter.

"You're so ridiculous." Rebecca laughs.

"It's ok if you're not, you know…" she hedges. I realize I've been quiet for a beat too long.

"Not what?"

"Not fine," she prods. My response is a stern warning glare in her direction. Because I'm getting tired of people asking me that.

"I’m fine," I growl out.

She looks at me suspiciously. Like I just proved her point. "Did you know thatI'm fineis the most frequently told lie in the English language?"

"Are you going to start cross examining me?"

"Only if you become a hostile witness."

I give her a half-hearted smile. After Laurel died, Rebecca was there for me. A lot. My long commute into the city was just too difficult with two young kids. Rebecca resigned from her partner track at a big law firm and we started our own practice. I was thankful for all the work and energy that went into starting a business. I needed something productive to do as my life swirled down the toilet. Starting this law firm might have been what saved me. I owe her.

Rebecca is about to say something, but she's interrupted by a knock on my door.

"Come in," I yell to the door.

When it opens, Ann pops her head in again.

"Hey," Ann says tentatively. "Sorry to interrupt, but aren't you supposed to be heading to court?”

"Oh shit." I check my watch and see that, yes, I am supposed to be in court. In twenty minutes. I slam my laptop shut and shove it into my briefcase along with a three-ring binder. I wave Ann and Rebecca off as I jog through the office.

“Try not to suck,” Jane calls to my fleeing back. Thatlittle….

---