Page 120 of When The Rain Falls

Her emptiness nudges her towards comfort and light. And my emptiness just destroys everything around me.

Fuck. Do I even bother to go after her? I have no idea what to do. I feel like I’m straddling two worlds. The past and the future. I have to jump into one, but it means giving up the other.

I can’t figure this out on my own. I need someone to push me.

"Rebecca,” I finally say, studying my hands. “Am I supposed to let go?” I sit back and sign. “Of Laurel?” If anyone in mymiserable life can help at all, it would be Rebecca. She’s patiently put up with my shit for nearly a decade.

“Finn,” she says carefully. “You’re raising her daughters.Yourdaughters. She’s part of your life.” I blink a couple times. Because this does not sound like it’s going where I thought it would. “You love her. And there’s no reason you have to stop just because she’s gone.” Rebecca crosses a leg and leans back a little.

I look up from my hands. When I catch Rebecca’s eyes, I find comfort there.

“So, no. You never have to let Laurel go. But I think you should let go of something. I don’t think I know what it is, but maybe you do.”

I shake my head. Because I don’t. I don’t know anything anymore. And what else would I let go of?

“Now,” Rebecca says. “Go home and do some thinking. And sleeping. And maybe take a shower. Just stop brooding around the office or else Jane’s going to complain about you sucking all the life out of this place.”

I’m in the middle of packing up my laptop to go home when my phone buzzes an alert. I quickly grab it from the desk. A glimmer of hope tells me it’s Aimee. But when I open my text messages, I see that the text isn’t from Aimee. It’s from Ruby.

Ruby

Can you pick me up?

Finn

Are you ok?

Ruby

No. I need to go home.

Finn

OMW

Fifteen minutes later, I pull up to the curb of the school. I don’t see Ruby where I would expect her to be, standing in front of the pickup and drop off zone. I drive slowly as I meander through the parking lot. Then I finally see her. Sitting on the curb, under the shade of a maple tree. Knees knocked together. Arms wrapped around her legs. Backpack thrown to the ground beside her.

I roll down the passenger window and call out to her, but she doesn’t move. I pull into the nearest stall, step out of the van, and approach her carefully.

"Ruby. What's wrong?" I ask, my shadow falling at her feet.

That’s when I see that her face is red and she’s been crying. Fuck. There’s been a whole lot of that happening lately. I take a deep breath and sit down beside her. I don’t expect that she’s just going to open up and share with me. We’ve been drifting farther and farther apart with each year. I really need to do something to change that.

I don’t press her for answers, but I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me. She leans awkwardly, teetering to the side, stiff and uncomfortable. After a bit of silence, Ruby leans her head against me and relaxes. I feel her body shaking with quiet sobs. "He kissed someone else,” she finally says. Tears falling freely from her eyes.

Rocky. The bastard. I should have known. I want to hunt him down and demand an explanation while I pull out his fucking fingernails one by one. But I feel the anger and then let it go. Because the last thing I need is a criminal record for assaultinga juvenile. My shoulders sag and I rest my chin on the top of her head.

"Shhhh,” I say as I try to calm her. I’m struck by a distinct memory of holding her to my chest when she was seven and took a tumble from her bike. It's hard to believe she's the same person. Her sunburned lips have been replaced with lip gloss. Her knobby knees replaced with slender legs. Pigtails with long, straight locks. She's not the same person. That Ruby left long ago. But this Ruby still needs me.

"He doesn't deserve your tears, Ruby," I tell her quietly.

"But I really liked him,” she sobs out. “And it really hurts,” she chokes the words out between painful breaths.

"Yeah. It does,” I agree. “But there’s going to be someone else. And that person will be just what you need.” I don’t add “fuck Rocky” or “someone needs to kick him in the ball sack,” but I definitely think those things.

"It still sucks." Ruby tips her chin to the sky and sniffles.

“I hate that I can’t protect you, Ruby. It kills me. Since your mom died, that's all I’ve wanted to do. And I hate that people are cruel. And that life is hard. And there’s nothing I can do about it.” I squeeze her a little bit tighter.

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