Her sigh breaks my heart. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Yeah, you do. Maksim gave you that credit card for a reason. He wants you to use it.”
“That was before we…”
I follow my co-rider out of the elevator on the seventieth floor before asking. “We…?”
She says the last thing I expect. “We’re kind of not on speaking terms.”
“Huh?” One word shouldn’t relay so much devastation, but it does. If Maksim and Nikita can’t make it, there is no hope for the rest of us. “Since when?”
“Since I threatened to leave him?—”
“You what!”
Her voice is almost a sob. “Things are complicated.”
“Oh, I bet they are. Maksim is?—”
“I miss him, Z.”
I’d give anything to be in front of her right now. She couldn’t say no to some friendly PDA. Not with that much angst in her tone. “Then tell him that.”
“I can’t. What if I lose him too?”
“Keet…” Nikita is the smartest woman I know, but she has no street smarts whatsoever. “I love you, girl, but sometimes you’re so blind you can’t see what is directly in front of you. Maksim wouldneverput you in that position. He loves you too much to ever hurt you like that.”
Her breath catches in her throat. “No?—”
“He.Loves.You. That’s why he is struggling to give you the promise you need to move past your fear that you will lose him too.”
I resonate so much with what I’m saying, but this isn’t about me or my wish to be placed first. This is about my best friend and how she’d rather be picked last than love and lose.
“He isn’t a man who can sit back and let the person he loves be hurt because she wants him to promise not to retaliate. I don’t know a single man who could promise that, let alone one who spent most of his childhood protecting his mother.”
“He told you about that?” she asks through a sob.
“No. But I know you, and I understand your fear.” I give her the honesty she deserves. “And I also understand Maksim’s. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He wants to love you, but that comes with a prerequisite of protection. Everyone knows that. You just seem to have gotten the criteria a little mixed up since you’ve forgotten the love a parent has for a child is different from the love of a spouse.” I give her a moment before hitting her with the big stuff. “Maksim isn’t your dad, but I sure as fuck hope he loves and protects you as fiercely as your father did your mother, because that is the type of love every girl should strive for. That isreallove.”
A stupid tear rolls down my cheek when Nikita murmurs, “Z, I have to go.”
“Fuckin’ oath you do.” I cough to ensure my words come out clear before making sure she doesn’t forget who she is talking to. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t stir her. “Give him a kiss from me.”
I laugh when she grunts. It is either laugh or let the stupid emotions that have been hammering me nonstop over the past several weeks win. I’d rather look like an idiot laughing at my own jokes than cry in public.
After taking a moment to center myself, I reenter the elevator and select the top floor. My arrival has already been thwarted, so I may as well make the most out of the distance between the security officers in the lobby and me.
I ride several floors before a cough forces my eyes from the floor for the first time in minutes. I can only see shadows in the brushed steel panels of the elevator, but I don’t need mirrored walls to recognize who the cough belongs to. The prickling of the hairs on my nape tells the story.
“Does he know you’re here?”
“No,” I reply, unwilling to turn around in case I say something stupid. “Well, I’m assuming he doesn’t. I had to break cover to take a phone call. One of your tenants on the seventieth floor is very voluptuous.”
Andrik’s huffed chuckle tickles the hairs his presence stood to attention. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Probably because she isn’t of breeding age.” I snap my mouth shut, inwardly cuss, then twist to face him. “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole who rarely thinks before speaking.”
My guilt worsens when I take in his thick beard, unkempt hair, and sunken eyes. Don’t get me wrong. He is still the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, but he looks exhausted.