Page 172 of Fake Game

He's helping me see the world as fun again, and I couldn’t be more grateful that he has stuck by my side. He hasn’t wavered once, encouraging me and letting me take my time but still pushing me when he knows I can handle it—even when I doubt myself.

Which is why today is so important.

“You look cute.” Jackson gives me a knowing smile, eyes lingering on the way my breasts aren’t exactly hiding in my House of CB pink floral sundress.

“Thank you.” I grin, cupping my hands under my chin in a V shape and wink at him.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve gotten more and more back to myself, back to being Deer. The excitement I used to feel at picking out my outfits for the day has returned piece by piece—a skirt here, some heels there. I am able to face myself in the mirror now without seeing a zombie staring back. My naturally flushed cheeks have returned, bringing color to my still pale skin—because Ireland is not the place to live if you hope to get any sort of tan.

“Let me get my sneakers on and we can head out.” He drops me a quick kiss.

With his back turned, I take a deep breath, fisting my hands at my sides. I close my eyes, letting that breath sit in my lungs as I center myself.

I can do this.

“Ready?”

I open my eyes.

“Yup.”

***

My hands tighten on the steering wheel the closer we get, and I can’t stop my gaze from constantly flicking back and forth between the road and the GPS—watching as the kilometers slowly tick down. I’m pretty sure my neck is going to be stiff as a tree trunk by the time we get there.

Less than ten kilometers now.

Jackson reaches down and places his hand on my left thigh, calming the way it jostles up and down. It happens every once in a while, and he always seems to notice, even when he is deep into playing games on his phone.

I focus on my breathing as the traffic gets a bit more congested. I’d thought that by picking a weekday it wouldn’t be so busy, but it is Dublin after all.

I’ve spent the last month and a bit building up to this, learning to calm my anxiety. From walking around the empty fields at the house, to sitting at the pier and listening to thefishermen go about their days, to venturing into the town itself and slowly staying longer and longer each time. Last Thursday, we’d spent the entire day out, and then we’d gone to the Sunday market, which is the busiest place in town, and I was there for three hours before I needed to get out of the crowds.

Today, I am taking the next step. I know if I can do this…

I smile to myself, that sparkle of hope shining within me.

We cross the threshold of River Liffey into the main city center, and it takes us a solid thirty minutes until we’re able to find a place to park the car. I press the stop button and wait as the music in the car switches off and the quiet rumble of the engine disappears. All that’s left is the noise of the city around us.

I can do this.

I’m safe.

There’s no one here out to get me.

Rick is behind bars, awaiting his court date. Paige has been working with the prosecutor’s office and says the case they have is iron clad.

Unbuckling my seat belt, I reach for the door handle and open it before I can second-guess myself. The chatter of the street becomes louder without the walls of the car to muffle it—but the market on the weekend prepared me for this.

Jackson quickly rounds the car and comes to my side, offering me his hand. I take it, feeling his warmth as he gives me a reassuring squeeze.

“Well, here we are.”

I take a deep breath, looking around. “Yup, here we are. We are here. In Dublin. Very cool.”

Jackson chuckles at my nervous babbling, and I shoot him an annoyed pout.

“Come on.” He smiles, tugging me onto the sidewalk. “What are you going to show me first?”

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