Page 13 of For Puck's Sake

Brea sobbed between broken words, “Please— Don’t. I can’t, Rid. You’re not listening to me. I can’t talk about it. What did I do?” She battered her fist against my chest weakly. “I’ll never forgive myself. I should . . . I should have told you. You should hate me. Oh God, Ridley. You can’t possibly want to marry me. I’m defective now.” Her knees gave out, but I caught her, scooped her up and carried her back to our bedroom. I moved as far away from the waiting luggage as my feet could carry me. Crushing her to my chest, my forehead pressed against hers, our tears mingled together as we both purged our emotions.

“Let me fix this, Luna. Let me fix it, baby. Tell me what to do, and I will do it,” I whispered into her hair as I rocked us both gently. Didn’t she know she was my life? I’d do anything for Brea. I’d told Hazel earlier it was too soon to announce our engagement to the press, but she’d been adamant. Thingsbetween Brea and I had been tentative since she left the hospital months ago. The fact we’d kept her miscarriage a secret from our friends and family had only added to the tension between us. The last thing we needed was the media to catch wind of what had happened. We’d both been silently grieving in our own ways. I’d had Hockey to fall back on and we’d had a series of back-to-back away games these past few weeks. Brea had been . . . fuck, she’d been alone. I hadn’t been there for her. I abandoned her when she needed me. Now she wanted to run.

Brea’s hand stroked my cheek, and my watery eyes found hers. “I can’t ask you to give up what you love. Hockey is your life, and I knew what I was getting into when I moved to Seattle with you. Everything looks fine on paper but the reality of living this life is very different. It’s been so hard to navigate being in the spotlight with you. My music— Oh God,” she continued to sob through her soft-spoken words. “I’m being selfish, Ridley. I don’t deserve any of this. I’ve already made so many mistakes.”

“Shhh,” I cajoled her, rocking her gently. I pressed my lips to hers, tasted sadness in her tears. All I could do was keep her in my arms. I could reassure her, tell her things would be different. I could tell her that Hockey was my job while she was my life, but it would fall on deaf ears. For months I’d felt her pulling away, but when I’d asked if she was okay, she’d offered me smiles and told me she was happy. I’d been a fool to think she was. The life of a professional hockey player was tough without having a family. It was made harder when you had to leave the people you loved behind every other day for most of the year. It killed me every time I had to leave her and Lia. I was at the height of my career, it would be years before I’d retire, if I wasn’t injured. It was asking too much of anyone to stick by me through this crazy life of mine. But damn it, we had to try. I loved her too much to let her go. That was my fault.I’d convinced her to move to Seattle from Lark Bay. I’d told her Seattle would be great for her as a budding musician.

I held her tighter and nuzzled her hair. “We don’t need to talk about it now, Luna. Let me hold you and everything will be okay in the morning. I promise you, baby. Just lay with me. Give me a chance to make this right. Please,” I begged as I stood with her in my arms and lay her back on the bed. I pulled off her shoes, replacing her clothes with one of my shirts. Brea cried silently into her pillow and it killed me to see her like this. I quickly pulled on some boxer briefs and slid into bed next to her.

“I love you with all my heart, Ridley,” she said as I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms once more.

“I love you more, baby. I love you more,” I replied, kissing her forehead, both her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and lips. I would tell her every day that she was the most important person in my life. Because fuck it, besides my sister, she was. They were all I had. My family, besides my teammates. We didn’t need children to make us whole. I knew she hadn’t had a lot of time to pursue her music the way she would’ve liked. I hadn’t been as supportive as I should have been. Again, that was my fault. I’d been too wrapped up in having her beside me. I’d been the selfish one, parading her around on my arm for the world to see, when she was so much more.

I made a promise to myself as I watched her drift off to sleep. I would do whatever it took to offer my unwavering support. Whatever she needed to do to achieve her goals, I’d be her biggest cheerleader. “Just don’t walk away from us,” I whispered, hoping that subconsciously she could hear me, let it seep into the marrow of her bones and trust that I could take care of her, her dreams, her wellbeing, and her heart. I closed my eyes, letting the solutions soothe me as I followed her into dreamland. But all my declarations were for nothing. I wokeup hours later to the sun on my face and an empty bed. To an empty home. No Brea. She ran. She ran from me. She ran from us, and honestly, I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve it.

“Ridley Masters, I’m honored to have you in my bar. Hell of a Stanley Cup win. Congratulations and all that.” Red waves her hand in my face, pulling me from the memory elicited by Brea’s speedy exit as soon as she stepped off stage. Red eyes me knowingly, staying in my line of sight, intentionally blocking my path and all but stopping me from following Brea. I watched her hasty departure, brushing off her boyfriend, even though she didn’t really look at him as if he meant anything to her. I especially didn’t like the way he grabbed her arm before she pulled away from him. Interesting.Are they together or did I read it all wrong before?

Shoving my hands in my pockets, I rock back on my heels to expel some pent-up energy. I’m feeling too much all at once. I’ve spent months repressing everything that happened between Brea and me. Using hockey, puck bunnies, and partying to deal with the fall out of my destroyed relationship. I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on the memories, but standing here tonight, watching her rip her heart out with every song, fuck! Talk about triggers. All the while her fans threw their heads back and sang with her word for word. She all but forced our failures down my throat. Now all I can see is flashes of our time together, the good, the bad, and the tragic.

Silence. Blood, so much blood. Carrying her limp, unconscious body in my arms as I called for help. Begging her to open her eyes and tell me what happened when I knew she couldn’t.

“What are you doing here? Just passing through?” Red tilts her head as she studies me. I am sure she probably thinks I’ve lost my shit as I stare off into the distance. I blink, fighting my thoughts from pulling me under and turn my attention back toher. I need to leave. I feel like I’m spiraling. Some of the people begin to notice me, stepping in front of Red to shake my hand, pulling me into selfies, and making my skin crawl. I smile and nod, signing anything people can get their hands on until finally Red and her doorman, who I now know as Craig, begin to usher people away from me. I have no problem meeting fans, it’s never a burden, I know how important they are, but right now I want to be invisible. I want to be inconspicuous, slide under the radar, but who am I kidding? There is nowhere I can hide. Not even in a small town like Lark Bay. I’m supposed to lay low, not show up on social media pages only hours after the news broke about my supposed baby momma.

“Ahhh, yeah, I’m filling in for Tor this summer. You know the hockey camp at the community center. Last minute change of plans,” I finally say, looking around the busy bar, as if Brea will reappear, but my eyes immediately find Dean’s. He inclines his head in acknowledgement but I don’t miss the sneer he shoots my way. Right back at ya bitch, is what I want to say right to his face. I especially want to remind him to keep his hands off what’s mine. Well, technically she’s no longer mine but semantics and all that. In fact, I watch him rearrange the equipment on the stage and my feet turn in his direction. If I can’t talk to Brea then I think he and I need to have words.

“Oh, so this was just a coincidence, then? Or has this anything to do with all the drama that had your face all over the press this morning?” Red lifts a brow, stepping in front of me once more. She grabs my arm and steers me toward the bar. I’m almost impressed at how well she can read me and redirect me at the same time. She literally shoves me onto a bar stool, cutting those big brown eyes toward me in warning, daring me to move. She maneuvers around the bar and grabs me another beer. “You didn’t know Brea would be here tonight?” she asks as she pops the top off my drink and sets it in front of me. The baris buzzing all around us. Now that the show is over the place is a cacophony of hoots and hollers of drunken revelry. But I am grateful because I’ve somehow been forgotten as I sit here with my back to world.

Just the mention of Brea’s name has my full attention as I pick up the beer, deciding one more wouldn’t hurt. I am not far from Tor’s, if I have to walk there, I can. “I just arrived today. I didn’t know she would be here tonight,” I say. I had no clue. “I just came in to have a drink, say hello. But,”—I tilt my head—“why is she in Lark Bay?” I ask genuinely confused, because this is the last place I expect her to be. After the fallout with her parents years ago, their threat to disown her ringing in her ears, then the move to Seattle with me, she swore she wouldn’t return.

“Well, you obviously had your head in the sand, Ridley Masters. So, you’re not stalking her every move. I’m surprised.” She chuckles to herself. “You two were practically glued at the hip the last time I saw you together.” She offers me a sad smile as she multitasks, pouring beer, cashing out customers, and then wiping down the bar. Red moves effortlessly from person to person, never dropping our conversation in the process. She stops in front of me, with her hands on her hips and shakes her head in disappointment at my lack of knowledge of Brea’s whereabouts. “You know she is going on a national tour in a few weeks. Her record label thought it would be a good idea for her to start it here in Lark Bay,” Red says matter-of-factly, spreading her arms wide, like this is the greatest place on earth. I mean, I guess I understand. This is where she was born, it’s nostalgic and not a half bad idea. Red lets me stew on her words as she turns her attention back to serving customers.

I’ve tried my damnedest not to stalk my ex-fiancée. I’ve given her space, but that doesn’t mean I was completely oblivious to what she’s been doing in and around Seattle. Alexis and Lia love Brea’s music so they are always going out to see her perform atthe local bars around the city. I stay away, catching clips of her performing via videos Lia captures on her phone. Or late-night bouts of insomnia when I sit up watching her sing on YouTube. I told myself it was for the best and fell into the forgettable arms of unimportant leeches to fight the urges, the need to find her, to fall to my knees and beg for just an ounce of her forgiveness. After two years, I couldn’t take it anymore and stumbled into one of her performances one night after one of our games. That’s when I first saw her with Dean, and almost got arrested for cracking his fucking face wide open for kissing her. Thank goodness she was backstage at the time and didn’t witness the actual fight or she really would have seen how unhinged I’ve become. Dean should be kissing Bast’s feet for pulling me off him and taking me out of there before I lost it completely. And well, there was the drunken phone call I made only weeks later begging her to talk to me, to take me back. I made a fool of myself. It was then that I knew I couldn’t live without her any longer. Well, and Tor of course. If he and Alexis can find their way back to each other, then I know I can mend this between us. I have to try. If she is here for a few weeks, then I may get my chance. I guess I have Tor to thank for this. The asshole must have known and decided to pay it forward.

I finish my drink and knock my knuckles against the bar top, sliding some cash down for Red to see.

“It was good seeing you, Red. I can assume she will be performing here nightly then?” I ask, knowing exactly how I will be spending my nights in the foreseeable future. I made her a promise the night she left me, I told her that I’d support her no matter what. I never got a chance, well, up close anyway but maybe, just maybe, I will prove it to her, that I can be who she needs me to be. I know it won’t be easy. We don’t hate each other but with all the shit I’ve done in this awkward in-between, will she be able to see past my reckless behavior?

“You assume correct.” She nods and gives me a smile. “But Ridley, she told me everything that happened between the two of you.” She shakes her head solemnly. “Everything. I wish she could have reached out to me. I’m sorry for you both. In the end though—” she pauses as if she’s trying to find the words. The fact that she knows about the baby, even after all this time, my stomach flips, my eyes burn, and I suddenly can’t breathe. Maybe two beers was too much, because my emotions are at an all-time high. I need to leave.

“She told you,” I mutter under my breath. I didn’t tell Lia, Tor, Devan, or Bast. No one knows, except for Hazel. I inhale and take in some much-needed oxygen, pushing down my need to shed tears, I know it didn’t happen to me physically, but fuck, Brea. I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head, acknowledging her words.

“She chose herself, Ridley. You know that, right? It didn’t mean she stopped loving you but you have to understand if she hadn’t, she’d never have done this.” She gestures around the room to the stage, and I get it. I understood then, and I get it now. I stood in her way and not because I meant to. But maybe now, we can change that.

“I know, but here we are.” I shrug. “Back at the start. I can’t let this opportunity pass me by,” I say hopefully.

“Every relationship has a time and place.” Red lifts her shoulder and lets it fall with an amused smirk. “Well, with all the baby news surrounding you, I doubt she will even look your way. But good luck with that. If anything, it will be fun to watch.” She waves as I step away from the bar, trying not to let her words deter me. My baby drama is a major setback and I have to somehow clear my name, but I can’t do that until I hear from Hazel.

Until then, I have to find a way back into my Luna’s good graces. It’s a small town. She can’t avoid me forever. I’ll find a way to make this right. I have to.

EIGHT

BREA

Holding Bessie in my lap, I shift, straightening the blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I shiver. Even in the summer, this close to the water Lark Bay always has a slight chill in the air at night. The full moon shines down on me on the edge of the dock, giving me enough light to see the notes I’m scribbling on my notepad. The lake is calm in front of me, mirroring the night sky, giving me an infinite picture of the widespread stars and constellations. It’s beautiful, especially with the trees shielding Tor’s lakeside house from his neighbors on the other side of the water. All is quiet on this private inlet, most of the homes here aren’t occupied until mid-summer. The owners, like Tor and Alexis, won’t be here until next week when summer tourism well and truly kicks off. Right now, it’s just me, my insomnia, and my music. Well, to be honest, that’s me most nights. I swear, the number of songs I’ve written in the past two years will keep my record label happy for a very long time. Most of it will never see the light of day, but when the creative juices are flowing, I can’t rest until I get it all out.

I find inspiration in my lack of sleep, my brain’s inability to shut down is both a blessing and a curse. I thought the adrenaline crash from tonight’s performance would be enough to knock me out. But alas, a certain pair of blue eyes haunt me every time I try to close my eyes. The way I ran tonight, the way I handled seeing him . . . well, I can’t shake that either. Ugh. Hence, my midnight rendezvous with the moon.“Your namesake, Luna. My beautiful moon, always present, never wavering, shining brightly no matter the time of day. But you shine brightest at night, don’t you, beautiful.”

“So cheesy,” I whisper, chuckling softly as a memory of Ridley’s words come out of nowhere. I tug my blanket closer, my fingers moving automatically as I begin to strum a silly tune. Fast and steady, I picture Ridley’s drunken smile and how he all but dared me to come up with a song about the moon one night. I never got tired of him calling me his Luna. His moon.

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