Page 32 of For Puck's Sake

This has been our routine for the past two weeks. Ridley and I have spent every night together since the night I finally stayed over with him. During the day Ridley goes to the community center for hockey camp, while I teach my music class, followedby a packed schedule of interviews and meetings arranged by the record label. When night falls, I’m back on stage at Red’s with Ridley in his now favorite seat at the center table in the front row. Most of the time he’s alone, sometimes he’s accompanied by Bast, his assistant, Derrick, and Devan. Then, we come back to Tor’s and can’t keep our hands off each other. We are insatiable, and I’ve loved every minute of it. I’m exhausted, but I’m in a state of blissed out madness. I don’t want to let go of the delirious exhilaration of this high. The high I only get from Ridley Masters. I’m an addict.

Like all highs, the come down is fast approaching, and I’m not ready to go through the withdrawal that Ridley’s absence from my life will bring on. The closer I get to my departure date, the busier I’ve become. The end of summer is approaching too fast, and I’m being pulled in so many directions, I may need to be cloned, if that’s even possible.

The label insisted I travel with a wardrobe team, so I’ve had fittings to discuss outfits for each night. I tried to convince them it wasn’t something I needed but was quickly shot down. Honestly, all the extras don’t sit well with me. I’m a low-key performer, give me a spotlight, a chair, and Bessie and I’m ready to sing my heart out. The Lady Gaga level quick changes and all the flair is not me at all. But this is my first tour, I can’t complain, I can only hope for more control in the future, right?

Every city has been mapped out, my days planned with military precision, not a minute is spared for me to have a moment to myself. They had me start my tour in Lark Bay as a way to ease me into things, but being here is a poor representation of what I’m going to face when I’m on the actual road. Being back home, performing, being with Ridley every day and every night has spoiled me, made me want things I’m not sure are attainable. I’m beginning to regret signing my record deal but I quickly squash those thoughts because this is what Iwanted. This is what I sacrificed for when I walked away from the man I loved years ago. This is my life now. Repeat it long enough.

“Angel,” Ridley’s sleepy voice reaches me through my turbulent thoughts. I turn my head and glance over at bright blue eyes laced with concern. Had I been so lost in thoughts I didn’t register him rolling off me and laying me down on the bed?

Focus. I need to breathe. The last thing I need is for him to think I’m having negative thoughts about us. Far from it. I’m trying to figure out how we can have it all; hockey, music, love, and a lifetime together. I just wish there wasn’t so much shit in the way of it all. The gossip mill is already brewing after pictures were leaked of us last week outside of Red’s. The pictures went viral and now we are everywhere. Let’s just say Lark Bay has had a surplus of additional tourists the last few days. I’ve had no choice but to read the comments, good and bad, about the outcome of our relationship. I’ve been weighed and measured by the puck bunny posse, and I’ve been found wanting. Apparently I’m the villain in our rekindled relationship. Does all the unfounded speculation fuck with my head? Hell yes, it does. I thought I had developed tough skin after the fallout two years ago, but this heart of mine is battered and bruised, fragile and easily hurt. Not going to lie, it has been a lot to handle.

I give him a soft smile, cuddling closer until he pulls me into his chest. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He yawns, tucking my head under his chin to pull us closer. The proximity is comforting, reassuring me that regardless of the noise of the outside world, it’s just him and me.

“Everything. The tour, our last week together, the brutality of social media, my parents, us,” I say with a sigh. “Nothing is easy right now. I knew the world would find out about us eventually, Ijust thought we could get through our time here without eyes on us constantly.”

Ridley grumbles his agreement, kissing the top of my head, easing my growing anxiety with each word I mutter. “There’s no way to escape, Brea. It’s only going to get worse once the training camp starts and you’re officially on the road. The vultures will be circling, waiting for us to fail. They will create obstacles with rumors and lies, misinterpreted images and words, all in an attempt to help what we are building collapse.”

He pulls away and tilts my head up with his finger to look me in my eyes. “It’s going to be hard, baby, I’m not going to sugar coat it. But we will have to be stronger than the naysayers, build up our armor, Luna, and prove them wrong. Give them nothing, okay?” He watches my face with steadfast assurance, and I take strength from him and nod my agreement. Ridley is used to being in the spotlight. When we were together before, he protected me from all media attention with the help of his agent, Hazel. I have the label now, and although I haven’t heard anything from them in regard to my relationship, their silence makes me nervous.

I shrug, feeling a bit sorry for myself. “I guess it’s too late to back out now,” I say quietly as I press my forehead to his. “And before you think I’m talking about us, I’m referring to me. The record deal, the tour, the growing popularity. I just want to play Bessie, write music and perform. Simple and easy. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I wanted this. I dreamed of this. But then, you?—”

“I made you want more,” he says matter-of-factly, taking the words right out of my mouth.

My mouth parts with another apology ready on my lips but I quickly close it. No more apologies for the past Brea. Yes, I wanted more before, I want it even more so now. Now that I’ve been able to get a taste of what it’s like to have it all this summer.We’ve been in our own little bubble where our careers have given us the leeway to be with each other every day. Unrealistic, but fuck, I want it.

“Yes”, I finally say. “When you came into my life, you made me want more than just my music. Unfortunately, I can admit the first time around I gave up too easily. I let my mother’s poisonous words, and the loss of our baby affect me.” I pause and swallow the lump in my throat as Ridley traces the tattoo on my left arm with his finger. I want to say made me run from it all, from him, but he places his finger on my lips, silencing me.

“Shhh. It’s okay, I know what you’re trying to say. There were times, especially after you left when hockey wasn’t enough. I wondered what all of this was for, if I couldn’t have the woman I love beside me. If it wasn’t for Lia, Tor, Bast, Devan, and Hazel, I may have walked away. I was so lost; I would have done anything for you to just come back. So, I get it. The need, the want for simplicity. But we are more, Angel. I’m so proud of you. I don’t want you to give up anything for me. I want you to have the world. I told you before, there is nowhere you can go that I can’t follow. I will find you in the dark, baby, my moon, all I have to do is look up.” He kisses my lips, then bends further, planting a kiss on my tattoo. The date of my miscarriage inked in cursive down my left bicep. I got it as a reminder of what I lost. At the time, it represented both the baby and Ridley.

I watch him brush his lips against my ink with a gentle caress. His eyes close briefly, then he blows out a breath and opens them. There’s grief there, a grief I know all too well. I don’t know if it will ever get easier, but all I can do is take it day by day until the hurt becomes a dull ache, because it will never go away.

“We will take it day by day,” I say, mirroring my thoughts and applying it to our situation. “We do the work and show up for each other every day. There’s no reason for us not to see each other. We communicate our feelings, the good and the bad.If we can do that, we will come out on the other side of all this indestructible,” I say raising my arm and flexing my slightly muscled arm, making Ridley laugh as the alarm on my phone goes off.

“Okay,” he says, kissing my lips as his phone goes off somewhere on the floor behind him. “We take it day by day”—Kiss—“Everything is going to be fine, Angel”—Kiss—“I want us to enjoy this last week together.” He kisses me once more, melding his lips to mine a little longer before he pulls away with a groan and gets out of bed. I flop on my back, wanting to flop my arms and legs in a full blow tantrum.

“I don’t want to adult today, I just want to be with you.” I pout. Yep, I’m channeling my inner toddler.

“Shower with me.” He turns walking backward, giving me a spectacular view of his body, naked and perfect. I lift a brow, saying without words that he’s gotten my attention.

I roll out of bed, shoulders sagging, feet dragging from lack of sleep, letting the pied piper lead me to my demise. I follow him eagerly, I mean, who can resist that glorious hockey butt.

I say goodbye to Charlie as I shoulder the door open and exit the shop, holding two cups of coffee in each hand. I pause as I reach the sidewalk to take a life affirming sip of my lavender latte, and sigh. I swear, I need an IV drip of Charlie’s special brew. It’s just that good.

With my hands firmly wrapped around my cups, because yes, the second one is for me as well, I make my way to my jeep. My strappy sandals clack against the freshly paved road, and I want to stop and make music with the sound I’m creating. I smile,heart full, coffee in my hands, feeling as they say, ten feet tall. The sun is already making itself known, as the heat touches my skin, making me grateful for my flowy green maxi dress. I’m halfway to my jeep when I notice the flash out of my periphery. Glancing to my left, I notice the long lens camera peeking out from between the trees in the park across the street. As soon as my face turns in the man’s direction, he takes more pictures in rapid succession. I try my best to keep my expression passive, giving him nothing as Ridley stated earlier and ignoring the lone camera man. I guess I will see this image somewhere soon with some outlandish story attached to it. At least it’s coffee I’m double-fisting and not some alcoholic beverage. I turn and snort as I imagine the tales of my alcoholism and how I’m already falling prey to the rockstar life. Ha. Yeah, right.

“Hey, penguin!” I pause a few steps from my jeep and lean over the hood of my car to see a smiling Red sauntering my way. She’s wearing cutoff jean shorts, her signature Solo Red’s t-shirt, red fishnet tights and boots, with a box of bread propped against her hip. No doubt she must have spotted me as she left Dulce’s bakery. I wolf-whistle as I scan her outfit from head to toe suggestively, making her roll her eyes at my craziness.

I meet her halfway, making sure I put some distance between us and the mister nosey pants with the camera. “I didn’t sign up for a new nickname, Red.” I lift a brow in question as the smell of fresh baguettes hit my nose when she stops in front of me.

“Well, what else am I going to call you with your freshly fucked waddle you got going on.” She smirks. “Girl, is Ridley even letting you sleep? Or is it the other way around?”

I lean in and whisper my reply, “Hey, the fucking is mutual.”

Red bellows her laugh down the road, possibly waking up half the town with how loud it is. “Well, you look happy and I’m happy for you both. I have to live vicariously through you, because this p?—"

“Nope, Red, I don’t want to hear about the cobwebs you’ve got growing down there.” I shake my head and close my eyes as if it will dispel the visual in my head.

“Hey, I have plenty of toys to appease the beast that is my vagina. They will have to do until my tall, dark, and fine as fuck comes waltzing into my bar with eyes for me.” She smiles wistfully, and all I want to do is hug my best friend. The dating pool in Lark Bay is seriously lacking and Red is so busy, there’s no time to seek men elsewhere. I know all too well what it’s like to pursue your passion and have no one to come home to. Loneliness is its own type of slow torture, and I don’t want Red to be alone. We’d picked up where we left off this summer, the years apart a distant memory. I don’t want to leave her here without me to annoy her. Speaking of which, maybe I can do a little match making of my own.

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