Page 30 of For Pucking Keeps

Julia: Damn.

Me: Tell me about it.

TWENTY

TOR

“You want to talk about it? Or are you going to shoot laser beams out of your eyes until you crack the barbell in half.” Ridley’s voice pulls me from my thoughts of Jaz as I stare blankly at the ceiling. The Vipers mascot logo hovers above me, bright blues and vivid greens bleed together as I blink and regain focus. I lift my eyes higher, Ridley’s upside down face comes into view with a waiting smirk.

I grab the barbell and lift it. Ridley shifts into spotting position as I take out my aggression and frustration on my arms. “I don’t”—lift up—“want”—drop down—“to talk”—lift up—“about it”—drop down.

I keep going in silence for a while. In Ridley’s fashion he doesn’t push me to talk. He just stands there spotting me, waiting for me to talk. Normally I launch right into my troubles, whatever they may be, but how can I talk about something when I can’t pinpoint the problem myself?

Something is off with Jaz, and I feel I’m to blame. The moment I told her I loved her, that’s when things started to change. I felt the shift in her demeanor, her body language and the way she kept herself busy with writing for most of yesterday. The only time she can't deny anything is wrong is when I’m inside of her, when she cums so beautifully, letting go of whatever it is that’s holding her back and giving herself to me.

I blow out a breath, my arm muscles feel like jelly as Ridley helps me guide the weights into place. I know I need to talk about this to someone and there are only a handful of people I feel comfortable enough to have this conversation with. I sit up and stretch my arms out as Ridley sits on the bench next to me with a set of hand weights. He sets them down and sits up expectantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Spill it, Bailey, before I lose interest and go looking for Devan instead,” he says, feigning boredom as he does a set, alternating between arms. Little does he know, maybe he should be having a conversation with Devan. Especially when it comes to Lia. But maybe I’ll keep my mouth closed about those two and be a spectator for once.

“I told Jaz that I love her.” I let the words fall out of mymouth in a rushed whisper, keeping our discussion as private as possible.

Ridley’s eyes raise, his head tilts slightly as he nods his head in understanding. He drops his weight and gives me his full attention. “Okay, I’m not going to pretend I’m lifting. Man talk it is.” He crosses his arms again. “So, you told her you loved her anndddd.” He moves his hands in a circle to encourage me to continue.

Allowing myself a few minutes of vulnerability, I let my feelings fly. “I didn’t need her to say it back, because Ridley, I can feel her feelings. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous, but I know she loves me too. Actions, you know?” I pause as he nods his agreement.

“Normally, on a day off we get lost somewhere in the city, spend the day together, you know, make up for the time we lose. But I woke and she wasn’t next to me. The distance felt like a fucking fissure splitting us apart as she stayed glued to her laptop. I know her work is important. I would never get between her and her writing. But damn, it hurt, to be so close, yet so far away when we barely see each other right now.”

I sigh and snatch up my towel and wipe the sweat from my face. “I finally managed to pull her away in the evening, we watched movies, cooked dinner together, but she was still distant.” I look up at him as if he has all the answers. I am ready to hang on to his everyword. Not so long ago I was the listening ear when he and Brea were together. I used to think nothing could go wrong between the two of them—the perfect couple. The outcome of Ridley’s relationship proves the fragility of love and how we precariously walk a fine line between the crash and burn and what we consider happily ever after.

“Did you ask her what’s wrong? Or did you just dick her down as much as you could without actually talking?” he asks bending forward and resting his elbows on his knees. I can already tell he is losing patience with me.

I shrug. “Both.”

Ridley tsks and rolls his eyes.

“But I asked her to talk to me first. She said she’s just stressed, and I believed her. The stress of her book deadline is getting to her. She’s working tirelessly to make up for lost time after all the delays because of her ex.” I move my hand around animatedly, garnering raised brows from my teammates on nearby cardio machines. I am sure they are silently getting a kick out of me unravelling over a woman. Probably never thought they’d witness their captain having a freak out of this magnitude. Well they can witness my downfall because I regret nothing, especially when it comes to Jaz.

“Do you think it’s about the ex? Maybe there’s some residual crap from whatever he did that’s holding her back,” he asks suggestively, and I pause, thinking through what he just said.

“I don’t think so,” I say after a significant pause, then it hits me. I snap my fingers as something she mentioned yesterday comes to mind. “She’s been nominated for this Lit! Award, I’m not sure what it is, but apparently it’s a big event. Ahh, it’s happening in a few weeks, right before Christmas. Jaz hesitated to tell me at first, but he will be there, along with the ex-best friend he cheated on her with. She asked me to go with her. Thank goodness we don’t have a game that Sunday because I will be damned if I let her face him alone.”

Ridley chuckles. “Damn, well, maybe that’s it. Mostly, it was your I love you word vomit.” He pauses, lost in his own memories before he speaks again. “I think you need to give her time. You say you can feel it, then let it go. Let her come to you. Above all else, communicate with her, just because she’s contemplative and quiet doesn’t mean you have to be.” He points an accusatory finger in my direction as if I’ve already caused the offense of noncommunication. I guess I have throughout our friendship.

“I get it, I need to be patient.” I hold up my hands in surrender as relief washes over me. Sometimes talking things through with an uninvested third party helps. Well, maybe Ridley is not as uninvested as I think he is. He is pushing his way through his discomfort on this subject yet again to help me. When the time comes and he finally musters up the courage to get his girl back, I’ll do the same for him.

“Yes, captain Bailey, not all of us can be an overachiever. You just had to say “I love you” first. Poor woman was probably plotting her escape,” Ridley teases but when I don’t find it funny, he doubles over, his laughter echoing around the room.

He better be glad he’s my best friend. I smile, because him smiling and laughing freely is always a sight to see these days.

“I’m glad you find my situation amusing,” I huff out like a petulant child.

“Hey, are you two going to keep cackling like gossiping hens are or you actually going to train today!” Coach George shouts from across the room, making Rid and I jump back into our routines.

“You coming to Lia’s party tonight?” Ridley asks quickly before we are reprimanded by our very irritated conditioning coach again.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I scoop up my towel and water. “Thanks, Rid,” I say as I leave him to his hand weights.

“Someone’s got to help you keep your head on straight,” he replies.

---