Page 28 of For Pucking Keeps

Jaz hums her approval, her long eyelashes brush her cheeks as her eyes remain closed. Her breathing picks up, the only indication she’s now wide awake.

“Good answer, Alexis.” I bite down on her shoulder, and she hisses in response. Soothing the sting, I kiss and lick the area as I let my hand travel up to her hardened nipples. I pinch and pluck the tight peaks, continuing to bite and lick up and down the side of her body. I snake my other arm underneath her, pulling her even closer. Completely wrapped in my embrace, I strum her clit with one hand, while torturing her breasts with the other. She is at my mercy, relaxing into my hold and giving herself over to me, trusting me.

Jaz mews, writhing in pleasure from my touch, her arousal soaks my thighs as she seeks the much needed friction she craves. “Tor, baby, please.”

“What do you need, Supernova?” I lean over, my large body towers over hers before I capture her lips in a desperate kiss. I pour all my emotions, my longing for her into the joining of our mouths. I kiss her until we are both breathless and panting.

“Fuck me, Tor. Don’t make me beg. Not tonight.” I can hear the plea in her voice, despite her not wanting to beg for my dick. I discern the desperation in her words. I can’t deny her, I am as desperate as she is.

“You don’t have to beg me for anything, Alexis. I’m yours,” I say as I lift her leg over mine, opening her up wide for me. Precum leaks from the tip of my cock, trailing down the inside of her leg, mixing with her arousal, the sight sends a primal thrill through me as I thrust up hard.

“Tor!” Jaz gasps at the sudden intrusion. I claim her lips once more and fuck her. I pound into her wet pussy, the slapping of our skin loud in my ears as I swallow her screams and moans. I work my hips and lift her leg high, pushing myself deeper as I hit her G-spot.

Tearing our lips apart, reveling in the feeling of complete bliss I let the sound of her incoherent words fill the room. “You feel so fucking good, baby. I love coming home to this pussy, Supernova. My dick was made to fuck this pussy. Just the sight of us joined together makes me want to cum all over you.”

“Oh fuck, Tor!” Jaz shouts, her walls clamp down on my dick, making me groan. I know she’s close, but I don’t cum until she does, so I work her clit, pressing hard in tight circles. Jaz’s head hits my chest, her lip’s part and I know she’s ready to sing for me.

“Cum, Supernova. Give it to me, baby.” I bite down on her shoulder again, and I watch her body convulse as she explodes beside me. I don’t let up, fucking her through her orgasm, needing to pull more from her until she passes out from exhaustion. Feeling her pussy pulsate once more, she cries out again and I finally let myself go.

“Fuck! I love you, Alexis. I love you.” I let my truth fly, not caring how she reacts. I cum so hard, darkness creeps in along the edges of my vision. My breathing ragged as what I just did and said registers. I keepus locked together, my dick inside her stops my cum from escaping, and I hold her close.

“Tor,” Jaz calls my name, but there’s not an ounce of panic in her tone, but I can feel her body tense all the same.

“No, Supernova,” I say holding her tighter, until I feel her relent. “I love you,” I repeat my words. We can address her fears tomorrow, but tonight, I want to hold the love and owner of my heart in my arms. I won’t let her pull away, even if she can’t return the sentiment. She is mine.

NINETEEN

JAZ

“Ilove you.”

I let the words spin around in my head on repeat. Over and over, a merry-go-round, spinning violently. I am barely hanging on, even as Tor fucks me twice more, ripping orgasms out of me like a man possessed. The words taunt me as we shower later, me on my knees, deep throating his dick, swallowing the last dregs of his energy. Even as he holds me close and we both drift off sleepily together, Tor’s confession of love is a haunting whisper in the quiet hours of the morning, and the source of my panic. I lay beside him, as still as I can be, until his breathing deepens brushing the back of my neck like tiny kisses. Hockey players are insatiable, and after almost two weeks away from me this series, we both missed each other. I should be cuddling into his warmth, letting sleep claim me, but I can’t.

Moving as slowly as I can, I slide out from underneath his arm and leave the bed. Tor shifts and pulls my pillow towards him, tucking it in beside him. I can’t help my smile at the gesture. When he tells me he doesn’t want to be without me, it’s adorable moments like this where I know he’s given me another one of his truths.

Truths.I shudder inwardly, hugging my arms around myself, my heart heavy, guilty. I feel too exposed. Keeping my steps light I make my way to his walk-in closet. In the center aisle, I pull open his well-organized drawers, foregoing my own clothes I opt for one of his oversized t-shirts instead. I may feel wretched, but I still need to have him close to me as well. I inhale his scent, vetiver and musk, masculine and strong, so Tor. Pulling the shirt over my head, I smooth it down my body and make my way back to the room, crossing to my small desk near the wall of windows. A small smile of appreciation graces my lips as I spot my laptop ready and waiting. I look over my shoulder at Tor’s sleeping form and my stomach flips, butterflies dance a jig of excitement. The excitement of knowing without a shadow of doubt the depth of my feelings, the same love he professed, resides within me for him. I love him just as fiercely. I keep my eyes on him, until the butterflies turn into pains of nervous energy, that send me spiraling.

I flop down in my chair and open my laptop. The screen comes to life, the words of my manuscript pop into view. I silently berate myself for not shutting down the program I’m using, regardless of the document saving on its own.Hey, you can never be too careful. I read over what I wrote the night before and I close my eyes, trying to push the feelings of shame and regret down, remembering the moment between Tor and me like it was yesterday. This particular chapter is about the morning we spent at Pike’s Place Market, getting lost amongst the tourists, just the two of us. It is one of my favorite memories, good food, laughter, shared kisses, and not having any concern about who snapped pictures of us. It was the first time he slept over at my house. I documented it all, the intimacy, the words of affection, and my growing feelings. I wrote about the next morning when I found him in my writing cave and freaked out. I denied him a chance to read what I’d written so far. I told him I didn’t like people reading what I wrote until it was perfect.

I lied. I fucking lied and it’s all here in these pages. I wrote about his disappointment, and how thoroughly he kissed me, and how he told me he understood. He understood. I wanted to tell him everything right then and there. I could have walked him through it all and maybe, just maybe, he would have truly understood.

There is no going back though. I’ve reached the point of no return. With every chapter I send to Jules, every edit and rewrite, I am falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Julia, my editors, all love the story, and they are encouraging me to keep going, all of them aware of the personal nature of every word. The pressure to meet my deadline after months of writer’s block is the only thing that is pushing me to keep my mouth shut.

“Fuck,” I whisper, feeling sick. I drop my head in my hands. Tor has only asked me for honesty, that’s all, nothing more, just my truth. I’ve failed him, and he will see this as betrayal. I’ve held nothing back. We’ve only been together for three months, three wonderful, unbelievably magical months, and I’ve put it all in my book. Yes, the names have changed, the city and hockey team are different, but it won’t matter to him. He will see only our journey together on every page. How is what I’m doing any better than what Shaun did to me? I feel like a cheat. It’s why I couldn’t say the words back to him last night. Even when I wanted to shout my declaration from the rooftops. I love Torrance Bailey, but my love feels tainted, because when he finds out what I’ve done. . .he won’t believe me.

Or will he? Am I reading too much into the situation? It’sjust a story, a narrative about two people who fell in love at first sight. Fiction. It’s my duty as a romance writer to explore this trope. But this isn't just a trope, it’s my real life. I am experiencing something not many people can say they had the chance to experience. People don’t believe it’s possible, yet, I am living it, feeling it grow and blossom every minute of every day I am in Tor’s presence.

A window pops up on the screen. I already know it’s Julia, she’s someone I could set my watch by. She’s probably already in her office, cup of coffee in hand, with my latest chapters in front of her.

I type out the customary message, “You work too hard.” Waiting for her reply my knee bounces nervously. The rising panic I felt earlier returns. Tor’s words echo in the back of my mind. “I love you.” Three words hold so much weight, crushing my chest, making it hard to breathe.

I rub my chest to ease the phantom ache, watching the dots dancing along the screen. My thoughts catapult me back to months ago when I sat in my office. This moment feels eerily similar to waiting for Shaun’s reply that never came.

Anxiety churned in my gut as I drove through the night, the heavy rain made it harder to see.The roads were starting to flood.It seemed everyone had the same idea to rush home.

When Shaun hadn't answered my messages earlier, I hadn't been able to stop the feeling of unease in the pit of my stomach. Dinner. We were supposed to have a nice quiet night out. Shaun’s suggestion, he'd said we needed a night out to reconnect. He'd missed me, even though I came home to him every night.

“You can take a night off from writing surely, Alexis. I love you,” he’d stated, gripping my hands with so much sincerity I couldn’t say no.

---