Page 105 of Sugar Baby Mine

He pulls my hands away from my face, gathering them in his hold, thumb brushing over my palm deliberately. “Tell me why, little bird.”

My lip wavers. Because the look on his face is breaking my heart, shattering it into a million pieces. Because I want what I can’t have. Because I’ve done exactly what Cora said not to.

“You need to go because I want more. I don’t want to just be a sugar baby,” I say. Suddenly, the weight pressing down on my shoulders feels so much lighter and my stomach eases up just a little from its clenching. But then my heart hurts even more when I say, “I can’t be your sugar baby anymore.”

Ben sits back, leaning away from me and every part of me crumbles.

But then his grip tightens on my hand and he brings it to his lips, kissing the back of my hand. His eyes close briefly before opening, and the depth of emotion is immense. I’m still not sure what I’m seeing from him, even when the hard edges of his normal facade seem to dip like when he’s tired or asleep.

I’m not sure of anything until he speaks, but my heart threatens to beat out of my chest regardless.

“I don’t want you to be my sugar baby anymore, either,” he says, and my heart begins to splinter further. “I want you to be somuch more than that, Emmeline.”

“What?”

My heart skips and then I’m leaning forward, fingers slipping out of his grasp to graze over his face, to scratch through the grit of his beard until I’m holding onto the strands of his hair like it’s the only thing anchoring me to this world. And then I realize I’ve crawled into his lap, and he’s holding me tight.

“I want more, too.”

I feel dizzy because I’m still not sure I’ve heard him correctly, becausewhat?

“I’m not gonna lie to you anymore, Ben. I feel really fucking crazy right now. I don’t want you to go. If you do, I want to go home with you so we can fall asleep together. Because I have never slept so well in my life. I want to spend as much time with you as I can because I enjoy our time together. I want tobewith you.” My lip trembles under the heavy words and I can’t take them back, whether I want to or not.

He’s quiet again, absorbing my words without any change to his expression except for the crinkling of the skin around his eyes that I want to trace back to the silver strands more concentrated at his temples.

His hands grab hold of my hips and he brings me in closer, until there’s hardly any space between us. Until his nose brushes mine and our breath mingles together. Only then does my heart rate settle into a more comfortable rhythm.

“You know,” Ben begins, “when we first met, you asked what would happen ifIwanted more and I said I wouldn’t. But I already knew I did, from the moment you sat down.”

My eyes go a little wide, and I plant my hands on his shoulders. “No. You wanted a no-strings-attached sugar baby that you could cut loose any time.”

“That’s what I intended, yes, because I had a hard time opening myself up to let someone in again after the hell that was myrelationship with my ex-wife. But you wrapped those strings around me and fucking yanked from the moment you opened your mouth.”

“I didn’t mean to,” I say softly, my fingers tracing up his neck and he leans into my touch.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” he says. “And out of all the countless roads I could have chosen, I thank the stars I chose the one that led to you.”

I am, too.

I’ve been so fucking stupid, fighting against my heart from the start. The thought of missing out on a life meant for us—a sob works up my throat, and Ben’s hands tighten around my waist as he holds me close.

“More,” I choke out, desperate for whatever else he holds close to his chest.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and warmth spreads through my limbs like sunlight filling all the cracks in the darkest parts of me.

“You’re sure? You don’t just love that I’m young and new and fun—”

Ben captures my lips in a kiss, words dying on my tongue as he holds me close, reverently, carefully, like I might still float away. The kiss turns slow, the shared breath between us making my cheeks heat and my heart thump dangerously.

He licks my bottom lip, and I chase him even as he puts distance between us. His fingers grasp my chin to hold me still, his stare heavy through lowered lashes. It’s like he’s stripped me bare, every imperfection, every flaw visible for his purview. I don’t mind it when he’s the one that’s looking at me.

“I’m not just in love with how you make me feel, Emmeline.” He brushes his thumb over my lip as I suck in a breath, his eyes flickering over my face. “I’m in love withyou. I may have lived half my life before meeting you, but I’ve never felt more alivethan I have with you in my life.”

I almost ask if he’s sure again, but my mouth can’t quite catch up with my brain this time.

He takes a shuddering breath that makes my heart ache and I cling harder to him, fingers spreading through his hair and burrowing home.

“The only thing I fear is you sacrificing the best years of your life to be with me. I want to give you the rest of my days, because you deserve all of them. You deserve more than I have to give, and I have to live with that selfish thought as the only thing that’s been holding me back.”

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