“I teach health to more than a hundred children every year. I would never ever want them to believe that their feelings aredumb. And be honest, you wouldn’t either. Your emotions are how your body tells you what you need. You need Noel. You need quiet at times. You need breathing exercises. You’d never tell a diabetic they were dumb for needing an insulin shot.”
I’m not telling her anything new. She knows this. Still, her eyes sparkle with unshed tears.
“You just—” I start, but Bonnie stretches her neck, lifting her face closer to mine, and shuts me up with a kiss.
Pulling back, she takes in a shaky breath, her eyes locking with mine once more. They’re filled with regret, so it’s no surprise when the first word out of her mouth is, “Sorry?” Though it’s more a question than a statement.
“You really need to learn when to apologize,” I say. Her warm breath tickles my chin, and I lean down to peck her once more.
“But we’re tabling,” she says, her lips against mine muffling each word.
“Right.” I’m starting to really dislike that idea. I roll my neck and swallow.
There are unanswered questions in the air, things that probably need to be addressed before I go breaking rules Bonnie and I put into place. Those rules had reasons… didn’t they? I forget.
“So, I didn’t do anything?” I say, rather than use that three-letter word she hates so much.
“It wasn’t you.” She breathes out, leaning her head to my chest once more. “I don’t have a dress.”
“Sorry. A dress?”
“Gran said your Christmas Eve party was big and fancy and formal. I don’t have a casual dress, let alone a nice one, Elliot. I’m going to embarrass you and your family and?—”
“Hold up,” I say, because that sentence is starting to sound like a dark, spiraling tunnel. “You don’t have a dress for Gran’s party?”
In Bonnie’s defense, itisa fancy party—a dress-up, elaborate-finger-foods, champagne, my-gran-starts-planning-in-June kind of a party.
“I do not,” she says, and her voice is so small, my heart breaks at the sound of it.
“We’ll figure it out,” I say.
“I have no money. I spent everything extra I had on Abby’s dog.”
“All of it?Woo, expensive dog. Okay. That’s okay. I’m sure Evelyn or Jocelyn have one you could borrow. And if you’d rather, we’ll come back here, spend another day at the planetarium instead of going to the party.”
“You’d do that?”
At the risk of my life—because Mom and Gran might ban together to murder me. “I would.”
FORTY-THREE
bonnie
The sun shinesdown on the snow-covered ground, turning it into a blaring spotlight. I’m a little warm all bundled in my coat and hat while walking, despite the cold temperature. But Abe, the border collie, needs a full two miles or he’ll chew up every single one of his owner’s shoes—at least that’s what I’m told.
I hold on to Noel’s and Abe’s leashes and adjust the one earbud in my ear, my cell snug in my coat pocket as I talk to my sister.
“He took care of you?” Meg asks.
“He did. It was kind of surreal.”
“Oh, Bonnie,” she says, and I’m not sure what that tone means. Does she not understand?
“Come on, Meg. Men normally run away from my anxiety, they don’t break into a planetarium and soothe me.”
“Wait—breaking and entering. I don’t approve of breaking and?—”
I groan. “He did nothing illegal. At least, I don’t think he did. His friend runs the place, and he got permission to takeme there. It was quiet and peaceful, and I rested. We just talked.” Okay—a tiny bit more than talking, but Meg’s already a little anxious herself when it comes to Elliot.