Page 46 of The Sinner's Sanctuary

“Now lie down,” I tell him.

“I’m fine.”

Tears are still pouring down his splotched, red face, and every few seconds, a full-body shudder takes hold of him. If I don’t get a blanket on him soon, he’ll start shivering. Sub drop is real, and what he just experienced was intense for him. His hormones—his adrenaline—are all about to leave him in a rush. “Lie down, Christian.”

He wipes his face and turns his back on me, moving to the other side of the bed and curling onto his side.

Hastily, I remove the mat, folding it quickly and sliding it off the mattress.

Without wanting to make this more awkward for him, I put my shirt back on without buttoning it before grabbing theblanket from the foot of the bed. I climb in to sit next to him, propping myself against the headboard. “It would help if you’d let me hold you,” I say.

“I told you I’m okay.”

“Either you trust me, or you don’t. I’m not trying to take advantage of a situation. I want to take you through the experience safely, and if even a small part of you wants to do this again, you’ll do as I say.”

“Fine,” he sighs. “How do you want me?”

“Turn around and come here.”

Slowly, he drags his body through the motions. I gather him against my chest as soon as I have enough access to his torso to accomplish it. To my relief—and surprise—he drapes an arm around my waist and slots his leg between mine. Fine tremors continue to run through him, and I pull the blanket over us both.

“You did very well,” I tell him softly, speaking into his hair.

He lets out a heavy sigh and relaxes against me. I run my hand up and down his bare arm where chill bumps create friction against my palm. After a minute, I offer him a sip of water through a straw. “Drink.”

He does and then sags back against my chest.

“Why does this help?” he asks after a long minute or two of nothing but sad, beautiful music.

“It’s partly meant to reassure you that what you went through was a gift to me as much as it was an outlet for you.”

“It was?—”

“Shh…we can speak about it later if you like. Right now, try to relax. Focus on the moment. Let go of your thoughts again if you can.”

“Is there more to it than snuggling?” he asks, which makes me roll my eyes, but not with impatience. Just a reminder that he’s new to this, and our situation isn’t exactly conducive to this level of intimacy.

“Do you need there to be? It’s a two-way street.”

“You’re blowing my mind a little,” he says in a rare moment of unguardedness. “I didn’t think it’d be like this.”

“This is what it’s like with me,” I tell him.

“I don’t hate it.”

“Good.” I stroke his arm slower. The chills are gone, leaving only the silky, lightly hair-dusted skin. The contours of long, lean muscles.

“Feels like there should be more, though.”

“I could get you into the bath…”

“No,” he says, lifting his head to look at me. “I mean if it’s like you said, then it shouldn’t be all about me.”

I stroke his face. “That’s how it works, beautiful boy.”

His eyelids flutter, and I see the drop as it happens. The fight leaving him. What I don’t expect, what I never could have seen coming, are his warm lips pressing into mine.

I choke back a moan, but his hand is moving up my chest now, and he’s leaning in. I can’t help myself from taking what he’s offering.

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