Page 147 of The Sinner's Sanctuary

“I do,” I assure him.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this,” he says, the raindrop holding onto his pretty mouth for dear life.

“It’s just talking.”

“But then talking turns into wanting, and wanting becomes expectations, and I don’t wanna do that today.”

“Christian, I meant what I said.”

“You mean it when you say it to her, too.”

“Baby…” I press my forehead to his. “I had no idea someone like you even existed.”

“You’ve known me for years, Gibson.”

“You’re determined to give me a hard time, aren’t you?”

“More like I’m determined not to get my hopes up.”

“I kinda wish you would,” I say, unable to resist sucking the persistent drop of water into my mouth.

He catches my face in his hand, something fierce burning behind his eyes. “What if everything changed? What if she wants you enough to try again?”

Of course it comes down to this. We’ve been together just shy of two months and the man who kissed him in Rome was a broken, lovesick fool for a woman who stopped wanting him decades ago. But the man I kissed probably couldn’t imagine falling in love, either. Some seismic changes have occurred, and nothing is the same, including my feelings about my marriage. Because it turns out I’m not as stuck as I thought I was, and I’ve paid more than my fair share for whatever I felt like I owed her.

Some damage can’t be undone, but I can build something new.

I ask him the most important question I’ve ever asked. “What if I don’t?”

42

CHRISTIAN

“I’m bleeding out, aren’t I?”

Jericho rests a cool hand on my cheek and smiles warmly. It’s just the two of us in a bougie charcuterie place near the publishing house where she works in Midtown. I’m not quite ready to put my heart out on blast. Gibson is expecting Marianne any minute, and I left the building, not wanting to be around when she comes home.

Not because I think there’s going to be some nuclear break-up or even a warm reunion—I just don’t want to see her face, hear her voice, or question the look on his face when he lays eyes on her.

“If you were,” Jericho says, “You would have died in the Hamptons. That was when I noticed you were already too far gone on him.”

“That obvious?”

“Yeah. What are you worried about?”

“Same thing you were worried about. He’s married. To the love of his life.”

Her forehead folds in slightly. “I’m not convinced. Look, I get it’s soon, and maybe it feels like it happened too fast to last or bereal, but that’s love, Chris. The whole ‘sweeps you off your feet’ thing? It happens all the time.”

I don’tnotbelieve that. Whether it’s enough to overcome twenty-five years of pure devotion and a life built around another person, though? Seems unlikely—especially since we’ve both been burned so bad before.

“It’s not that I think it’s not real. It’s more like everything’s at risk.”

Yesterday was so good. Perfect. It was the closest to him—the closest to God, even, I’ve ever felt. All the signs saidyes. The way he looked in the rain—the way he looked atme. Talking about the future like it was something he wanted forus, and I could see it, too. See all of it. I want it. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I don’t doubt the love. It’s a solid certainty in my chest.

His baggage is just so fucking heavy. I’m willing to bear it, though—if he’s willing toshareit.

“I mean, the situation’s not ideal. He’s great, don’t get me wrong, love him for you, but that’s as a person.Gibson Hayes,” Jericho says with air quotes, “Is a big deal. But Drew and Ollie made it work.”

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