Page 105 of The Sinner's Sanctuary

“As in open?”

“As in wide open.”

“Huh. I guess you never know what goes on behind closed doors.”

That’s one way to put it, I guess.

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah, I like him a lot. He’s been great. Sort of a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s entertaining.”

“Had you been with many men before?”

I’m so fucking glad he asked, because I wasn’t going to bring it up, and I would like to talk about it with someone besides Drew. Not because I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but because Drew will likely only ever be or have been with the one man. Gibson feels more like a gateway drug. I haven’t even thought about hooking up with a woman since Rome.

“No. Hardly ever. A few kisses—hand jobs—grinding on a dance floor—but I’ve never brought a guy home from a bar or anything. Or gone on a date with one.”

“Do you go on dates? With anyone?”

“Not really. Not never, but it’s not really my thing.”

“I never was able to pin down what yourthingis.”

“Just keeping it simple,” I tell him.

“So, whatever I do—just the exact opposite.”

I laugh. “Anyway, with Gibson, it’s like really good. In terms of chemistry.”

Silas nods like I’m supposed to elaborate.

“Not all guys are like—good at sex, though, right?”

He does a spit take. “Is that a serious question? Have you metMen?”

“Most women are decent at it.”

“I can’t speak to that. You know how I feel about vaginas. Like I appreciate they serve a purpose, but it begins and ends there. Men are terrible at sex. Generally trainable though if you feel like one’s worth the time and energy.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think you’re good at it?” he asks.

Not anymore, I don’t. “I feel like I have my moments. Not every performance is gonna medal.”

“I’ve never met him, so I have to ask—are you topping or bottoming?”

“Both.” Depending on the compartment.

He nods. “Respect. Yeah—so you know how it goes. It can be easy to forget to pay attention to how your partner’s doing when you’re in the mood to get off. Which is to say that some men are better at it than others—as any woman would also tell you.”

“Makes sense. Guess I got lucky for my first time, then. Or I don’t know any better.”

“Sometimes it just feels right,” he says, choking on the last word.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “That was insensitive. You can always tell me to shut the fuck up.”

“No…no. I want to hear more,” he says with a sad smile. “Remind me there’s an upside to starting over from scratch.”

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