Page 50 of I Know She Was There

“Oh yes, I’m familiar with it,” said Dr. Ellison, sitting in my bedside chair. “Beautiful place. There was trouble there?”

I explained what I’d seen at 21 Pine Hill Road while they both nodded slowly, neither taking their eyes off me. I also told them that nobody—not even the police—believed my story, since the house was empty. Annie and Ray Connolly had moved out.

“Is that why you were given half a pill?” asked the nurse.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Half a pill?” Dr. Ellison reached for the clipboard attached to the foot of my bed and unhooked it. Scanning the papers attached, he added, “I never prescribe half a pill. Even if a medication is too strong, I’ll prescribe the lowest dosage and advise patients to manually divide it in half. I don’t recall that being the case for you.”

“No, I was telling this kind nurse that my mother used to do that: give me half a pill.”

“I see.” His voice sounded concerned. I heard the pages in his hands fluttering. “And this also happened in the Deer Crossing neighborhood?”

“No, when I was a child.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I’m getting confused.”

He rubbed his chin. “So, you took half a pill more than once? Maybe even on a regular basis as a child?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Do you recall what medication it was?”

“No.” I rubbed my face. “Maybe I made it up.” I didn’t trust anything I said or did—or even thought—anymore.

“Okay.” He placed his hand over mine. “We’ll get to the bottom of this and get you well.”

I doubted I’d ever bewell.I wondered if I ever had been.

* * *

I napped a lot, thankful the drugs knocked me out. When I woke this time, the sun was slanting bronze rays through the slats in the blinds, the gilt glaze of late afternoon. My stomach rumbled and I couldn’t recall if I’d eaten lunch.

“Good afternoon, Caroline. I’m glad you’re finally awake.”

“Tasha.” I looked toward the voice to see her lounging in the bedside chair. I recalled her in Tim’s arms. “Why are you here?”

She smiled, white teeth complemented by full lips glossed in a dusky burgundy. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re one of my clients, Caroline. Didn’t Dr. Ellison tell you we’re still working together?”

I thought about that. “Yes, he mentioned you wanted to...” I let my voice trail.

“Good. I hope you want to continue this partnership too.” She crossed her legs toward me and leaned in. She made it sound like we were job sharing, or setting off on a grand new adventure, just the two of us.

“But you and Tim...”

“We are not having an affair, Caroline,” she said gently. “We were talking aboutyouin Tim’s parking lot that evening.”

I looked down. “I think I told your husband?—”

“Don’t worry about that, Caroline. You were confused, that’s all.”

“You were hugging Tim.” I watched her face closely.

“He was upset. It was a hug of encouragement. I’ve given you hugs as well, haven’t I?” Her eyes met mine.

“Yeah, I... guess.” I’d hated the forced intimacy.

“I’m a happily married woman,” she said. “Nelson is a wonderful and understanding man. I think calling him was your way of reaching out to me. Your issues were becoming overwhelming, and you were looking for outlets.”

“I don’t recall placing that call,” I said, my face pinking. I couldn’t tell her about the other gaps in my memory. I’d never get out of the hospital if I admitted them.

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