Page 19 of I Know She Was There

I took a deep breath to control the hot rage that filled my entire torso like someone had opened a door in my chest and dumped a load of burning coals around my heart. He was acting even more callous than usual.

“Fine, I’ll focus on us. I thought we could discuss when you want to come home. Your apartment must be expensive, and we don’t have the money to pay for?—”

“How much do you need?”

“How much?” I sputtered. “This isn’t aboutmoney. I’m calling about our family.”

Tim said nothing for a beat. When he finally spoke his voice was quiet, controlled. “We aren’t a family anymore, Caroline. You know that.”

“We’re only separated, not divorced. Remember you said we’d try it and if being apart didn’t work for us?—”

“It works for me.”

“But not me. Or Emmy. How can you do this to us? To her?”

“That’s low, even for you,” he said, the anger in his voice notching up. “We’ve been over this a hundred times, Caroline. I’m not going to rehash it again.”

“I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, it’s not. We’re beyond that now, and you know it.”

“Please, let’s just meet somewhere. Talk.” I cursed my wobbly voice.

“Talk about what?” he snapped. “Your emotions? Howyouare handling things?”

I paused in the face of his sudden anger. “We can talk about you. How you are doing...”

He laughed, a humorless grating sound. “That’s rich, Caroline. When has anything in our marriage ever been about me?”

“That’s not fair!”

“If I’m treating you unfairly, feel free to stop calling me. And don’t drive by my apartment either.”

“I only did that a few times, so you could see?—”

“Stop it right now,” he interrupted. “This is getting out of control, okay? I refuse to be responsible for everything you’re feeling.”

“I know, I know,” I said quickly. “But it’s hard, Tim. It’s so hard and it seems so easy for you.”

He sighed. “It’s not. I’ve suffered. But our time together is done, and you know it. Too much has happened.”

“We could rebuild things, Tim. If we started slowly.”

“No, Caroline. You need to know something—something important.”

“Tell me, please. Tell me anything.”

“I’m seeing someone else.”

My body went cold as my brain tried to compute this new information. “No, we’re only separated?—”

“My lawyer drew up the divorce papers this week. They’re on their way to you. I suggest you sign them. If you refuse, I’ll have no choice but to cut back on the money I send you. I don’t have to give you as much as I do.”

“You’re so cold,” I said, feeling my body shiver as if in agreement with my words, despite the day’s heat and humidity. “You weren’t always this way.”

“We’ve both changed a lot. Either way, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll still hold up my end, Caroline. You’ll get your money.”

“But Emmy,” I wailed into the phone even as it slipped from my suddenly stiff, cramped fingers. I reached down and snatched it up, hearing his words warble through the phone line.

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