Page 31 of Ceridor

My protective instinct rose. "It sounds dangerous."

"It is," Ceridor agreed, glancing my way, "but if it aids in peace and less bloodshed, then it's important."

I could see that. It was the same logic as my wanting to join Ulbrecht on his campaigns. "I want to meet the lanterns also. Maybe even with my rudimentary magical training, I can still somehow help. If nothing else, I can protect you, and the group around you."

Ceridor kissed my cheek. "All the more reason for you to come with me and train at the monastery for a while until our group reconvenes at the summer solstice."

I couldn't wait.

Ceridor changed topics after a quiet moment. "Johann, those raids...do you remember that night you were held captive briefly, and we talked them into letting you go? Do you remember your guards?"

I smirked. "I remember they were so flirty with each other I could have sworn they were lovers."

"They were," he confirmed. "Igor and Kristoff."

I laughed. "I knew it! And one of them had fiery red hair."

"That was Kristoff," he said. "He's been dead for two years. He died in a raid soon after Ulbrecht integrated West Danube."

The smile fell right off my face.

Ceridor nodded. "Kristoff was guarding Igor's back."

That weighed so heavily on my chest. "Then it may be time for me to guard Igor's back."

"It may be," my lover agreed. "I believe you can do it."

His approval and faith meant everything to me. "Thank you for believing in me."

"Of course. You've believed in me these last two years while I was away and traveling. Trust me from now on to swing by and get you whenever I'm going into overly dangerous territory."

"Thank you." I sighed. "That's terrible. Poor Igor..."

"Igor is now in a relationship with my apprentice Awariye. From everything I've witnessed, Awariye is going to love that man like crazy and soothe any lingering grief he has."

"Wunderbar," I said.

I pulled him into a hug. We stood at the edge of the forest and just hugged each other for a long moment.

"Thank you for still loving me on my path," I said, knowing it wasn't easy for him to support me putting myself in harm's way by wanting to fight. That he could potentially lose me, just as poor Igor had lost Kristoff, was a heavy price to pay in order to let me have my dream of defending these Danubian plains from invasion.

My lover nodded against me.

With all our talk of worldly things, I noticed the sparkling consciousness continued to fade.

"How do I keep this change, or how can I get it back and make it stay?" I asked.

Ceridor grinned as we resumed walking. "The awakening and unfolding of the Individuality is the whole point of the magical tradition at the monastery. It doesn't happen overnight. You could practice magic for self-development every day of your adult life for your entire lifetime and still not get there, though that much effort would definitely bring your higher soul closer and make it easier in a future incarnation. Monks can get to the point where they achieve a full invocation as soon as their subtle bodies stabilize after puberty. Then you have your entire adult life as a united soul, and after that it's just a matter of working off any remaining karma before you can leave material incarnation for good."

"Have you done this?" I asked, in awe at the concept, and also wondering if my beloved indeed had already completed this stage, since he seemed to truly live with his whole heart.

My lover shook his head. "And even if I had, I wouldn't say so. Like the Eastern concept of Enlightenment, once you accomplish it, it becomes rather taboo to talk about, and people wouldn't believe you anyway. Some of the old instructors frommy time at Diana Monastery had surely accomplished it. The only young person I know to have done it is Wren, and that's only because his was dramatic enough to be dangerous. It happened right in the middle of a solstice celebration. Awariye told me about it."

"I would have thought you'd accomplished it," I said honestly.

He shrugged. "I've certainly gotten myself closer, and had moments when it felt true. That's how I know that I am on my path. Come what may, I have no regrets about becoming a bard. It was something my higher soul clearly yearned to experience."

That made sense. Ceridor had given up economic security, fame, power, and the regard of his people in order to pursue a path that had nearly gotten him killed recently, and yet he had never wavered in his resolve to keep following that path.

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