Page 16 of Ceridor

Effie giggled at that. I wanted to hug her, but first, I needed a bath and a fresh change of clothes.

I saw Effie off to bed, then Ceridor led me to the bathing area the guests used.

"Are you also going to the Regent's house?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I stay here when I return home. My father and I have been on chilly terms ever since my eighteenth birthday."

I nodded, assuming there had to be a story behind that. "That's understandable."

We bathed in silence and got dressed in fresh clothes, Ceridor thankfully loaning me some since I'd left everything behind.Only belatedly did I realize that the man who had taken my virginity just the day before had been naked right next to me while in the bath and I'd barely even noticed, which spoke to my exhaustion.

"I don't even have the book on ancient Greek myths that you gave me back in the day," I mused softly, realizing it only now after all the crazy events of the last twenty-four hours. I had no idea if I'd even managed to eat, but my body was still in such shock I wasn't hungry.

"I'll ask Marit if there's another copy at Diana Monastery," said Ceridor, who helped me collect my things from the bath and get my dirty clothes to the laundry room.

"Is that your librarian friend?" I asked.

Ceridor nodded. "He's a fellow monk, between our ages. I funnel communications to Magnus through Marit, so that any letters I send from various locations can't be tracked."

That was nice of this monk-librarian.

We returned to the room Ceridor apparently used and rented from Hilda the innkeeper.

"You're welcome to stay in here," he offered. "I promise to keep my hands to myself."

He sent me a wink and I beamed.

"Ceridor," I said softly, continuing once I saw I had his attention, "let me be your partner. I want to be your boyfriend."

He sobered and shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea. My work has me traveling much of the year, with only a few weeks at a time spent at home, then I'm gone again."

"Wherever I am," I challenged, "I can be a safe place for you to land. I'm here for now, but when I move to the Danubian capital to fight for Ulbrecht, I'll rent a room big enough for you too. And then when I earn my kingship back, well, you can have all the rooms in the castle that you want."

Ceridor appraised me, as if unsure how to interpret my words. But I was utterly serious, and eventually he nodded, clearly seeing that. "Alright. Let's give it a try. But first, you have to do something, not for me, but for yourself."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, but the mystery was soon settled as he plucked a book off the shelf, smoothed any dust off, then handed it to me.

"What's this?" I asked, taking it from him carefully.

Ceridor spoke softly, so as not to wake anyone in the rooms nearby. "It's a manual for processing neurological trauma."

The book was already in his room, and though it was well taken care of, there were telltale signs that it was in no way a fresh purchase. Ceridor hadusedthis, and the implications…The trust he was showing me settled on my shoulders like a mantel of stone, growing heavier as he continued to speak.

"When I first arrived at Diana Monastery, the monks put me through a series of interviews wherein they questioned me about why I wanted to study there. When they learned what had happened to me only recently before coming to the monastery—that on my eighteenth birthday, I'd told my father I wanted to be a bard, and he'd proceeded to attack me physically and would have disowned me had my mother not intervened—they gave me this book of journaling exercises that I had to work through before I could proceed. We'll go to the market and get you a journal tomorrow. Some exercises are to be written down and kept so you can reflect on them later, and some are to be burned, so we'll also purchase some scrap paper from the local bookbinder."

"Why burn them?" I asked, hugging the book to my chest.

"Because you write down your fears and resentments, and they may well be irrational, and mean. You wouldn't want someone to find them, because it's most effective if you don't censor yourself. Then you release them to a higher power, and as youburn the paper, you imagine those fears and resentments too are reduced to ashes and can't haunt you anymore. It's an effective magic."

Magic. Something I hadn't truly believed was real until today.

Ceridor had proven he was capable of it, seeing as his disguise as an old man had fooled Effie and me for years. Suddenly I recalled that Ulbrecht was rumored to study under a magewoman, and that the strange lanterns the folk people talked of that protected Ulbrecht in battle were themselves a type of magical power wielded by unknown gods. Now that I was going to serve directly under Ulbrecht, I wanted to learn more about the types of magic that were actually real.

Ceridor sat on the bed and put his palms on my knees, his expression aggrieved. "You were beaten by your father nearly every day for years…right? Effie wasn't exaggerating?"

Too choked up for words, I nodded that it was the truth.

"Oh,Schatz," said Ceridor, tears in his voice. He pulled me close, hugging me and kissing my hair. "I can hold you and comfort you when you need it, but something so horrible is more than a mere partner can heal for another, especially with how often I travel. You have to take charge of your own healing. Work through the book by the next time I return from my travels, and I will bring additional books from the monastery for you to tackle next."

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