Page 128 of Accidentally Under Your Tree

"Kinda. He just never seemed to realize how cool you are."

"You think I'm cool?"

"The coolest." She nodded to the floor. Neither of us could look at one another with so much subtext. I was about to change the subject when she blurted, "I'm sorry."

My jaw slackened. "What?"

"For…the past eight years—"

"That wasn't just you," I said, but she kept going.

"—for not telling you I was thinking of schools out of state. For making you out to be a…loser." She turned her head, looking right into my eyes. "You're not. I was so angry, and jealous of anyone who got to hang out with you. And I took it out on you. I'm really sorry."

The tender wounds of my heart were a little less painful under the salve of her words. "I'm sorry too. I wish I had been less selfish and more understanding. I get it now, how you needed to grow without me."

She made ahmmsound. "I don't want to grow alone anymore."

It felt corny, and sentimental to wrap my arms around her shoulders. To lean into her hug for the healing nature of it. I gave her support just as much as I received hers.

Pulling away, we both wiped fingertips under our eyes and laughed.

I jerked my head toward my laptop. "I was just about to watch the New Girl episode where they yell at the rich neighborhood and Nick misses his flight."

"Turn on the lights!" she quoted.

"Yes, exactly!"

She scooted back on the bed in a similar position I'd just been in, leaving room for me to sit next to her. "Can we watch the one with all the Christmas parties after?"

"The one where Winstonmightstill believe in Santa?"

"Yes!"

We were halfway through the first episode—the plate of cookies devoured—when Dad and Will's voice carried from the kitchen to my room. I couldn't make out what they were talking about, but just the sound of Will's voice was enough to make my chest ache and my blood to heat.

"You, okay?" Rose asked.

I nodded, even though I didn't feel okay.

She paused the show. "You wanna tell me your side?"

I made a disgusted sound. Setting my laptop on the mattress by our feet, I shifted to face her. "So, Will and I had discussed dating privately when you two are done with…you know."

She rolled her eyes and nodded.

"I thought I could get past, like, how public your lives are. Or I just kinda assumed I wouldn't be interesting. But that photo of us shopping..."

"Gotcha. I can see how that violates your privacy. You don't even have an Insta do you? I can never find you when I look."

"You look for me?"

"Of course. I mean, Mom and Dad give me updates, but they only know what parents know. They don't know you like Shay does. They don't know you the way Iwantto know you. So, I look for you sometimes just to get a different glimpse of your life."

A sad smile tilted my lips. "I had to force myself to stop checking your profiles. It wasn't easy."

"I get it."

"Anyway, that photo freaked me out. You know what I'm like. I hate attention, especially from strangers. I was all wrapped up in weird anxiety and then I told him I wasn't even willing to try a relationship. Which sucks even more because he's here for the next week and a half."

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