Page 8 of Hazel and Elijah Find Out: First They F*cked Around

But that wasn’t the issue at hand; the humane society was expecting a sizable donation in just under two months. And that was money I did not have or know how to get.

“You don’t have any ideas?” Brooks asked.

Nora and I shared a look.

She swiveled her chair in Brooks’ direction. “You won’t like mine.”

A sound very near a growl rumbled in the back of his throat. He and Nora had been good friends since we were in school—long enough that a conversation passed between them without any actual words.

Remi tilted his head in silent question, but I only shrugged.

Brooks narrowed his gray eyes. “How sexual in nature is it?”

Smacking a hand on his chest, Remi laughed as I threw my head back, laughing at the ceiling.

“Barely,” Nora insisted.

“Hell.” Brooks shook his head.

“We should do a bachelor auction!”

Remi’s eyes widened. “What?”

Even though she and I had this argument more times than I could count, I said, “It will be divisive at best.”

“It will draw attention.”

Brooks ran a hand over his beard and muttered, “It’s attention grabbing, for sure.”

I continued with my point, my hands making little boxes in the air. “Half the town will be completely bawdy—”

“Oh no, notbawdy.” She rolled her eyes.

I went on as if she hadn’t interrupted. “—and inappropriate. While the other half will go to church and condemn us for being sinners and take their animals to Holy Immaculate Pet Care in Darling.”

“Goddamn, Bible Belt.”

Holding his hands out, Remi made a calming gesture. “Bible Belt and the community aside, this sounds hellish.”

Brooks nodded, his bushy eyebrows raised toward his baseball cap.

Remi looked between me and Nora. “Imagine standing on a stage, with strangers—”

“—Or everyone you’ve ever known—” Brooks contributed.

“—shouting bids at you—”

“—or saying nothing at all—”

“—for a date with you. What would they expect from us?”

Nora wasn’t deterred. “I don’t know, a man buys me one goddamn dinner or two, and he expects me to put out.”

“Good luck finding bachelors willing to do this. I won’t do it,” Remi stated.

“It’s for thedogs. You won’t do it for thedogs?”

“I will not have sex for dogs.”

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