Page 35 of Claimed By Her Monsters

“I’m not ready to live out this position,” I confessed without a hint of shame. “Athena did her part to train me as her disciple, but there’s a lot I need to work on to be a Goddess of Darkness.”

I paused and debated if I wanted to be so honest, but I knew none of them would judge me for feeling the way I did about the powerful position.

“I know there are goddesses like Natalia who are young and gifted, and who embraced the position that was bestowed upon them, but for me personally, I have a lot of conflicting emotions that haven’t healed. In fact, they haven’t seen the light of day until recently.”

I briefly looked to Lucifer, who nodded in encouragement in hopes I’d continue.

“I feel as though my childhood was robbed from me, which it was. My teen years were me trying to escape from the madness before six months of survival and then meeting Erebus and the rest of the Nightmare wolves, who embraced me despite my unique differences and immense power. That left me with this need to prove myself. I had to build layers and place all those fucked-up emotions into chests where I wouldn’t dare touch them. I’d never open them to face those traumas with the excuse I wasn’t ready to confront the past. Now, with all these changes and unexpected revelations, I don’t want to be forced into another role that seeks my absolute focus and burdens me with more responsibility than I can handle. How can I possibly aid all the creatures of darkness when I haven’t faced my own problems? I’m simply putting everyone else in jeopardy.”

“WE TIME!” Dark Nessa declared, and I gave her a sweet smile.

“For once in my life, I want to focus on myself. Focus on the new relationships I’ve made, the current ones that have blossomed, and help fix the ones that are on the verge of breaking. I can’t do that carrying a new position that will demand my cooperation and attention at any moment of the day. I can’t grow and make mistakes when sitting in the highest position a goddess can sit upon. I have a lot of growing to do…and I need Athena to be there with me to do it. Not simply because she was the Goddess of Darkness, but…” I paused and tried not to get emotional about it. “But it would be nice to learn from her as mother and daughter. To give her the privilege of being the mother she always wished to be to me, but didn’t have the opportunity because another thought she wasn’t deserving to experience such a privileged luxury.”

Lifting my gaze to look around, I was relieved to see their approving smiles before Lucifer nodded. “I believe that’s the best step for everyone,” he concluded and clapped his hands. “All you have to do is exit this room and you’ll be before the gate of Heaven with Michael. I’m sure he’ll hold an ounce of pity and direct you where you need to be to find Athena. If he’s stubborn, just tell him Morningstar says hi,” he encouraged with a wink.

“Okay,” I agreed before whispering, “You’re okay with helping us?”

“Am I not supposed to help my child and her mates?” he countered.

“Well…you’re the Devil,” I voiced the obvious. “You’ve been rather…tame…for the majority of our conversation. I expected Lucifer would be more…”

“Villainous in nature?” he offered, which had me nodding.

“A little,” I voiced before muttering, “With potential Daddy issues.”

He surprisingly laughed at that one.

"When you have eternity to be in your realms, you have to eventually confront your issues and get over them,” he confessed but looked up at the vast books that surrounded him. “To be frank, I didn’t grow into this person until after meeting Athena long ago.”

He allowed himself to actually smile as if he was reviewing the fond memories in his mind.

“Meeting her changed me, even though I was reluctant to do it at first. Do I still have issues that may never be resolved? Yes, but I’ve changed quite a bit and am willing to see my flaws and errors,” he confessed. “Besides, not everything is what it seems l between the realms of the living and the realms of souls. Painting me as a villain is a lot easier for the human’s ability to process between good and evil, which is why it became a catalyst for many to decide whether to commit good or to commit sin. Either way, everyone experiences judgment, and how you live your life and affect others during your existence will determine your future.” Returning his gaze upon us, he further relaxed. “Regardless, I am menacing when I need to be, as I am loving to those dear to me,” he admitted. “At the end of the day, my blood and power run through your veins so why would I treat you or your destined men poorly?”

He had a point, but I appreciated his honesty and welcoming persona.

“It still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t express our gratitude for your kindness,” Atticus pointed out. The other Horsemen nodded and bowed their heads.

“We appreciate your offering of shelter, food, and protection,” Arthur declared.

“And for giving us guidance,” Sawyer added.

“We respect your cooperation and display of kindness,” Cornelius declared.

“I have one more question,” I confessed.

“Ask away,” Lucifer encouraged.

“Seeing as I was born to you and Athena, where do the light element and darkness element stem from?” I had to know. “You’re both of darkness.”

“Ah,” he began and smirked. “You’ll need to ask Athena that to get her share, but your dark energy or Dark Nessa half is one hundred percent from me.”

“Wait. So none of it is from Athena?” I questioned and looked to Dark Nessa, who squealed.

“All from Daddy Dearest!” She beamed like she was about to take over the world.

It was actually cute to witness me with such a diabolical expression, which made me snicker, along with the others.

"No,” Lucifer answered as he reached out to pat Dark Nessa’s head. “Athena was originally all light. That’s all I can say,” he admitted.

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