Page 127 of Calamity Rayne Knocked Up

“Why isn’t Hale here yet?”

“Sir, do you have any blankets or towels? If the contractions are that close, now’s the time to prepare the environment as best you can.”

“Where’s the freaking ambulance?”

“The ambulance is on its way, sir. Try to stay calm.”

“This woman doesn’t even like me!”

I started to cry. It was true. I hated him. I hated this car. I hated how my ass felt like it was going to explode at any second. And I hated that this abso-freaking-lutely wasn’t a bad dream. Loud sobs poured out of me as I threw my head back in pain.

“I think it’s getting worse.”

“This is your chance to win her over,” the operator said with encouraging calm neither of us felt. “Help her get as comfortable as possible. Use any clean blankets you have on hand to prepare the area. You’ll need something to support the baby when it comes.”

“I can’t have my baby in a Lamborghini at a stripmall!”

“Ma’am, try to stay calm and keep breathing. Sir, keep her head supported, and her body reclined.”

“I’m in a car!” Xander panicked. “Where the hell am I supposed to find blankets?”

“I want my doctor,” I cried.

My door opened, and Xander looked down at me, the horror on his face mimicking mine. “Well, you’ve only got me right now. Fuck!” He shrugged out of his jacket. “This is a nine-hundred-dollar jacket.”

“Could you be any more pretentious? I’m in labor, you prick.”

“I’m just making sure you note my sacrifice.”

“Oh, my God.” I dropped my head back and unbuckled the seatbelt.

“Her head’s elevated, and she’s lying back,” he told the operator as he shoved the jacket under me as if it were a fitted sheet. “Do you think you can aim toward the door?”

“I think if you stuff that jacket any further under my ass, I’m going to hurt you.”

“I’m just trying to protect the upholstery.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your fucking upholstery!Ahhhhhowyowyowyow!”

“Sir? Sir, are you there?”

“I’m here!”

“Sir, do either of you have a string or shoelace?”

We both frowned. “For what?” Xander asked.

“To tie off the umbilical cord.”

Xander’s face paled and he pressed a fist to his mouth, his skin now a sallow shade of green. “I’m wearing loafers.”

“I’m wearing flip-flops.”

“We’re so fucked.” He looked at the dashboard. “How far is that ambulance?”

“Help is on the way, but we want to be ready in case the baby comes first. Ma’am are you hanging in there?”

“I’m…trying.” Pressure pushed and I wanted to run outside of my body but there was no getting away from it. I kicked my leg, nearly kicking Xander in the face. “Sorry!” I squirmed, but no matter what position I tried, there was no relief.

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