Page 87 of Lady of Shadows

CHAPTER 26

SCARLETT

Scarlett lay awake in Eliza’s extra bedroom. Her dinner with Callan had been just that. A casual dinner. She had almost canceled on him, too broken by what Sorin had said to her earlier that day, but she’d be damned if she’d let his words wreck her. He had been the one to pull her from the river. Screw him for trying to hurl her back in.

They had dined in Callan’s guest suite, Finn and Sloan joining them. Sloan was even almost smiling by the end of the evening as they shared tales of adventures in Baylorin. She was impressed to hear that Sloan had actually fought in battles before becoming one of Callan’s personal guards. Finn had grown up with Callan and had been trained to be his personal guard since birth. The three were the best of friends, and she had felt a slight twinge. They reminded her so much of her and Nuri and Juliette.

Sorin had been brought up only once, and she had simply said she wished not to discuss this land or its occupants for the evening. The others had seemed inclined to agree and that had been that.

It was much later than she’d intended when she had walked back to the private wing of the palace, feeling lighter than she had when she’d gone to the guest wing.

Until she had seen him outside of Eliza’s rooms, waiting for her.

She didn’t have it in her to fight with him anymore. She could feel that darkness pulling her down, down, down. She could feel her shadows stretching around her as that darkness yawned open. She didn’t want to go there. She didn’t want to let that out of its cage. Not against him.

So she had walked past him without a glance and slumped against the door once inside Eliza’s suite. Eliza was sitting on her sofa, reading a book and sipping tea, when she met her eyes with a questioning look.

Scarlett had heard him beg her to talk, but she couldn’t. The wound he had dealt her was still too raw. She had shaken her head at Eliza, and her friend had gotten up from the couch, coming to her.

“Tell him I will come to him in the morning,” she had whispered, barely audible.

Mercifully, Eliza had waited until she was in the bedroom with the door closed before talking to Sorin.

And here she was, unable to sleep without that male body next to her. The bed felt huge and cold. She knew she could warm it up, but she didn’t trust herself enough to tap into her magic without someone else in the room.

She walked back out to the sitting room and found Eliza waiting for her, a second cup of tea steaming beside her own. “Cyrus filled me in on everything that was said, the parts you left out,” she said quietly as Scarlett picked up the teacup and took a sip, settling in beside Eliza on the couch. “He was wrong and out of line.”

“He was.” It was all Scarlett could think of to say.

“He has it in his head that he needs to protect us all, and he takes failure harder than anyone I’ve ever met. Talwyn knows exactly how to push his buttons. Did you know he trained her in her magic?” she asked.

“No,” Scarlett said softly. “How? Her magic is earth and wind.”

“Yes, but magic basics are the same. Control, discipline, and knowing your limits are all similar. He was her private tutor growing up. He was your mother’s Second and Hand to the Queen,” Eliza explained.“I do not know the particulars of what she said to him today. Cyrus would not tell me, but she knows what wounds to reopen, Scarlett. It does not excuse his behavior. Nothing of what he said to you was remotely permissible. Just…” Eliza pursed her lips as if trying to decide the words to say. “You said yourself you are the same. I trust you know what it is like to be in a pit you are trying to crawl out of and that you can slip, even on your best of days. I trust you know you lash out at those you love the most.”

“I know your Fae customs. I have been researching them and learning,” Scarlett said after several moments of silence, both lost in their own thoughts. “I know he has a twin flame out there somewhere, but I wish he didn’t. Does that make me an awful person?”

Eliza seemed to weigh her words before she replied. “No. It doesn’t, but finding one’s twin flame is so, so rare, Scarlett. The majority of us do not find them in our long immortal lifetime.”

“What would you do though? If you bound yourself to another, and they later found their twin flame?” Scarlett asked.

“I think if I cared enough about another to bind myself to them and they found their twin flame, I could not ask them to give that up for me if they desire to be with them instead,” Eliza said slowly.

“If you knew there was a chance that they would one day find their twin flame, would you risk giving that much of yourself to another?”

“I think that if you found someone to trust enough to give your entire self to, it would be well worth the risk of losing them and worth the time you did have with them,” Eliza answered softly. Scarlett was quiet as she stared into the hearth, sipping on her tea. “Let me ask you a question now. Which prince does this pertain to?”

Scarlett jerked her head to Eliza at the words. “There is nothing between me and Callan anymore.”

“There is definitely something there,” Eliza said with an unbelieving laugh. “He wishes for so much more though.”

“Callan and I have a complicated history. I almost didn’t go to dinner tonight, but it felt good. To eat with friends and reminisce about Baylorin. To know the stories being told, without feeling like I was on the outside looking in.”

“Is that how you feel with us?” Eliza asked, tilting her head to the side, her red-gold locks falling over her shoulder.

“Sometimes,” Scarlett admitted. “It feels like I have known you all for ages, but I have only been here a few months. You all are a family, and I am…still an outsider most days. It is not anything that has been done or said. It just takes time. I did have people, before Sorin. Before…”

“I know.”

---