Stepping back into her room, she gasped as emotions assaulted her, and she didn’t know what to do with them. She’d never had to deal with them. Neverwantedto. This is when shefound alcohol with the others or sneaked out to find a mortal to occupy her. This is when she shut down, shoved everything down so deep she was nothing. Just an empty shell. It hurt less than feeling, and all she’d ever wanted was to not fucking hurt all the godsdamn time.
Dex was gone, thank… Not the gods, because fuck them. The Fates? No! Fuck them too and their fucking purpose for her. Fuck sacrifices and demands. Fuck beginnings and endings, and fuck all these godsdamn fucking feelings!
Her hands were in her hair, tugging on the ends. Anything to keep her grounded, but there was nothing but fury and confusion, madness and desperation.
Tessa? Tessa, what is going on?Luka demanded down the bond.
At the same time, Theon’s voice sounded.Little storm? Tell us what to do.
Tell them what to do? As if they were hers to command. No. That was another trick. Another choice of pretty words to calm her, tame her.
She needed…to breathe, but she couldn’t get air down.
Luka, go to her now!Theon ordered.
She needs to feel these things, Theon,Luka argued.If she doesn’t want?—
She doesn’t need to feel them alone,Theon cut in.And I can’t go there. Luka, now!
Then he was there, standing before her, and Tessa glared at him. “I don’t want you here just because he told you to come.”
He was staying back, glowing sapphire eyes watching her. “Tell me what happened, Tessa.”
“No,” she snapped, the light around her wrists spiraling out from her. Reaching for him yet recoiling at the same time. “Just go, Luka.”
Tell him what you need, Tessa,came Theon’s command down the bond, and gods,thatwas what she needed right now. Someone to tell her what to do so she didn’t have to think. Didn’t have to feel. But Luka wouldn’t do that. He’d told her if that was what she needed to go to Theon, and she couldn’t do that either. She was stuck. Trapped. Only this wasn’t a cage someone else had put her in. It was one of her own making.
“Tessa, just take a breath,” Luka coaxed. “Just one. That’s all you need to do right now.”
One breath.
She could do that.
Until the door flew open and Dex stormed in.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” he sneered at Luka.
“She asked me to come,” he answered, and that was a lie, but she didn’t care. Of the two of them, there was only one she didn’t want to see right now.
“What areyoudoing in here?” she demanded of Dex, her power switching paths. It had been tentatively reaching for Luka. Now it was snapping out at Dex, making him lurch back.
“By the gods, Tessa. Haven’t we had enough dramatics today? I brought you tea from Elowyn,” Dex said, his displeasure with all of this clear.
“Tea?” Luka repeated. “It’s midday.”
But Tessa didn’t care. That tea made her tired. Let her sleep. And in sleep she didn’t have to feel.
She lurched forward, taking the tea from his hand and taking a healthy sip. It burned her tongue and throat on the way down, but she didn’t notice as she took another gulp.
“Tessa, stop!” Luka said, trying to take the cup from her, but she was already tipping it up and draining the entire thing.
Then her world was spinning.
The cup slipped from her hand, the porcelain shattering as it hit the ground. She stumbled, tiny shards cutting up the bottomof her feet. She didn’t feel them as she started to drop to her knees. Large hands caught her, scooping her up and holding her against a broad chest.
“What did you give her?” Luka snarled.
“She didn’t give me a chance to say that Elowyn increased the ingredients,” Dex said. “She drank it too fast.”