Page 24 of Grumpy Puck

They take turns reminding me that Jack told them she was off limits, and therefore they obviously wouldn’t go anywhere near her room.

“Then she might have a stalker,” I say grimly.“If you see anything sketchy, let me know immediately.”

“We will,” Isaac says solemnly.

“Yeah,” everyone echoes.

With that, they finish gearing up and leave, and I follow close behind them.

Once we’re on the ice, I channel my frustration into the practice, and it must be a success because Coach calls me over and tells me that if I keep this up, we might actually beat the Yetis in New York.

Hearing a couple of muffled giggles, I realize that everyone has paused to watch Calliope riding a unicycle on the ice with her rat on her shoulder and what seems to be a pie in her hands—or at least I assume it’s Calliope.She has the mascot head on.

How is she keeping her balance?And in that suit?Remarkable.

“Boo!”she screams, making her voice deeper.“Are you done with practice?”

Now the giggles turn into chuckles, and everyone looks at me.

“Oh, yes,” Dante replies to her.“Boo was a beast today, but he is done and is all yours.”

She rides the unicycle over, then parks it near us, and wobbles over the remaining distance.

“Boo,” she says eagerly.

“Ptichka,” I say with a lot more reservation.“If you’re thinking of?—”

Bam.

The pie slams into my face, as I strongly suspected it might.

A hushed silence descends on the rink, and Coach puts a calming hand on my shoulder, all of which I find extremely insulting.

Even if she were about to murder me, I wouldn’t hurt a woman.Especiallythiswoman.

Taking a finger, I scrape some cream off my face and put the finger in my mouth.

“Thank you,” I say loudly.“Next time, please make it cotton candy-flavored.”

Like a bubble bursting, everyone laughs uproariously and, in my opinion, disproportionately to how funny the situation is.

Dante skates over and takes off his goalie mask.“Boo, it seems like you can skip your daily facial.”

Calliope chuckles.

“Go to the dick, Nosferatu.”I wipe all remnants of cream off my face with my sleeve.

Calliope salutes Coach.“Mr.Bloom reporting for duty, Coach,” she says as though she didn’t just assault me with a confectionary.“Anything I should practice today?”

The corners of Coach’s eyes crinkle.“Your job is pretty free flowing.The only thing youhavetodo is learn how to give an autograph as Mr.Bloom so it matches the way Ted and his predecessors did it.Otherwise, you can use your own creativity if you wish.That is, unless you want my help?”

“I’m good,” she says.“I’ve watched some videos of the shenanigans Ted used to pull, and I think I can improve upon them.”She gestures at the unicycle with her fluffy paw.“One question I had was: do you need me to skate, or can I walk when I’m not on my unicycle?I know how to rollerblade, but?—”

“That can help, sure,” Coach says.“You need balance for both, but given your unicycle skills, I’m sure you have that aplenty.Forward movement is similar.Turns are easier on the ice.Stopping is the thing that’s going to be quite different.”

“So I’ll work on stopping,” she says.“Though for now, given this suit, I can just crash into something or someone when I need to stop.”

If it’ssomeone, they had better be me.

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