Page 21 of Grumpy Puck

Adam’s eyes light up.“Right.Sorry.But here’s another idea: when you’re dressed as the mascot, mess with Michael more than you would mess with the rest of the team.”

I like this last suggestion, especially because it makes Michael produce a sound like he’s been caught in a bear trap.

Coach shifts in his seat.“I have an idea of my own.”

We all look at the man as he faces Michael.“You should tell some of your gossipier teammates that you’re dating, and that she’s off-limits.”

“I already did that,” Michael snaps.“I mean, the off-limits bit.I told Jack and said to tell the others—not that it fucking helped.”

He told them I was off-limits?The nerve of this guy.

But also, it feels kind of nice to know.

“Good,” Coach says.“Now just add the bit about you two dating—and mention that it’s a secret from HR or something like that.That will almost guarantee they’ll gossip about it.”

You’d think he were talking about a knitting circle and not a bunch of macho dudes.

Suddenly, a panting woman runs into the conference room, her lipstick smeared and hair disheveled, like she just got properly fucked a few minutes ago.“I’m sorry I’m late,” she says.“Did I miss anything?”

“They’ve just agreed,” Coach says.“And we’re about to adjourn.Practice is about to?—”

“That is so great.”She looks my way.“Hi, I’m Amelia, the general manager for the team.Sorry again.I was in a meeting with Mr.Ironside, the owner.”Her eyes suddenly widen.“Is thattherat?”

I half expect her to jump on the table and squeal—a surprisingly common reaction from the female of our species—but she actually runs toward Wolfgang and grins like a loon.“She’s so much cuter in person than she is on the video.”

“He’s a male,” I say, unable to help an answering grin.

“Ah,” she says.“My apologies.Of course.Now that you mention it, I realize how very handsomeheis.”

Wolfgang puffs up.

Meine Liebe, give this human some cheese—such good behavior must be rewarded.

“What kind of a rat is he?”Amelia carefully touches the top of Wolfgang’s head, and he generously lets her keep her finger.

“He’s a dumbo rat,” I say.“Hence the round ears, large head, small jaw, and wide eyes.”

“What’s his name?”Amelia asks.“Wait, let me guess: Remy?”

I grin wider.“Thatismy favorite fictional character of all time, but naming one of mydumborats something like that would be asking for a cease-and-desist letter from Disney.But you’re close.His name is Wolfgang, after Wolfgang Puck, another famous chef.”

“Puck, huh?That’s a link to hockey.”She looks approvingly at Linda and Coach.“You guys should have told me you’ve gotten us two mascots for the price of one.”

Interesting.“You know,” I say nonchalantly.“I could put Wolfgang on my shoulder while I’m inside Mr.Bloom.”Wait, did that sound like I’m planning to fuck the mascot?

“I love that idea.”Amelia looks authoritatively around the room.“Please do what is needed to make that happen.”

Linda looks at Wolfgang as if for the first time.“There could be some concerns from?—”

“We can just say he’s her emotional support animal,” Eve interjects.“That’s what I did for Lucie, my pet monitor lizard.”

Wolfgang looks at me worriedly.

Meine Liebe… why does that last word make me feel like I’ve suddenly become a delectable slice of cheese?

Adam pales.“You don’t happen to have Lucie with you, by any chance?”

“What?No,” Eve says with a narrowed gaze.“Lucie is a big girl, so in what orifice do you imagine I might be hiding her?”

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