Page 110 of If Only In Our Dreams

It was funny because I hadn’t expected it. Because even though I’d come home hoping to spend time with my family, I’d never let myself dream that my reality could be so bright. That the world could be soft. That I would be welcome.

That I would feel like I belonged.

There were times I felt a shadow of this happiness out on the road. When the lights were bright and the crowd was loud—and then quiet. When they waited, patient, phone flashlights dancing in the dark—and I opened my mouth and sang. When their words mirrored mine, and my music became theirs, and the world felt like a small, perfect place.

But those moments were few and far between.

And Nancy’s words had been rattling around inside my head—especially after Ben and I had talked the night before.

“It would be okay for you to quit, Robin,” Nancy had said the last time we’d spoken. “I mean, I’d miss you. You’re my favorite boss. But even I can see you’re slipping. And if you keep going down this path, you might fall too far to get back up again.”

I was tired of feeling off balance.

Tired of having one foot out the door.

Tired of living the way I had.

And as I stood there, in a crowd of people that weren’t family but felt like they were—I wondered if I’d feel that way if Belleville was my home. If I’d be so exhausted if my days were full of Ben’s smile, the girls’ laughter, chocolate chip pancakes, werewolf book clubs, and Miles’s homemade pizza.

Maybe therewasroom for me here.

Maybe I’d behappyhere.

In Vermont—with its watercolor falls, with its bonfires, with its Pie Festivals, and early snow storms. It was a slice of heaventucked tight in the mountains and farmland. An oasis in a world that was too big, too empty, too full all at once.

I wished then that I hadn’t chickened out the night before.

That I’d given Ben the surprise I’d promised.

But I figured…there was time for that later.

“You okay, Robin?” Ben asked, his voice startling me out of my thoughts. Bubba had run off. I could see him showing Trent and Miles the apple he’d just won, his hands gesticulating wildly as they smiled at him, indulgent and fond.

The perfect parents.

In the perfect town.

My hands squeezed into a fist, the pair of gloves Ben had bought me creaking.

“Robin?” Ben asked again.

And then he was in front of me. His dark red hair was windswept, his cheeks flushed from the chill in the air. His lips twisted into a smile, but there was a worried quirk to his dark brows. A lock fluttered free from his usually perfectly styled hair falling across his forehead.

Rosie’s hand found mine and I squeezed her gently, warmth flooding my body.

“I’m good,” I told him, surprised to find it was true.

“Yeah?” Ben hummed, watching me carefully. He had Jane attached to one arm, and a box full of donuts in the other. His back was much better today. My stomach rumbled.

“I’d be better if you shared some of that with me,” I nodded toward the box, and Ben snorted out a laugh.

“Mmm, I don’t know,” he teased. “There might not be enough.”

“There’s like six donuts,” I pointed out, mock outraged. “You’re telling me you’re going to eat all of them?”

“Big feet, big appetite,” Ben replied with a teasing twist to his lips.

“You’re greedy,” I complained. “Greedy, greedy.”

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