Page 103 of If Only In Our Dreams

We were catching the tail end of the day at the Market, but I figured neither of us would care. An hour and a half was plenty of time to knock off another thing on his Perfect Christmas To-Do List.

Robin had confessed to me once, wine glass in hand, that he’d never had the kind of Christmas he’d seen other kids have. That he’d thought the movies were liars—at least till the year he was given time off for the holidays and saw how much effort Miles put into Bubba’s Christmas.

And that was the day he realized it wasn’t a fantasy at all.

It was possible.

You just needed someone to care about you enough to make it happen.

I was going to do my damndest to give him that this year.

I’d already been buying and wrapping presents. They sat hidden in the closet, ready to go out beneath the tree when I set it up. Normally I’d let the girls decorate while I watched, but this year I planned on inviting Robin to join us. I had a feeling that would mean a lot to him.

Robin’s hand clutched mine tight as we made our way inside the building. Warmth immediately flooded forward, making the fact I’d forced him to wear a coat, mittens, hat, and scarf pointless. Still though, he shivered too much in Vermont’s weather for me to feel comfortable allowing him to wander practically naked.

Robin’s eyes were wide as he stared at all the vendors. His chest puffed up as he inhaled greedily the scent of roasted nuts and wax melts filling the air. It was always hectic here. Too many people. Too many things.

I hated it.

But at that moment I loved it. I loved it so fucking much because the look of wonder on Robin’s face was worth any overstimulation I was about to experience.

“Oh my god,” Robin said, voice reverent. “It’s like a fucking movie, man.”

“Are you surprised?” I hummed, more than a little proud of myself.

“Super surprised,” Robin beamed. “Luckily for you, Ilovesurprises,” Robin told me, smacking my chest with one mittened hand. “Omg.” He smacked me again. “This is like, exactly what Hallmark made me think it would be.”

“Yeah?”

“It smells like Christmas in here, Ben!” Robin smacked me a third time. “I think I had a candle that smelled like this one time.” He laughed, head tossing back. “I was on tour.” He flashed me a grin. “I sat in my bunk on the tour bus on Christmas that year and sniffed the fuck out of that thing. I think we were passing through…Kentucky, or something? I dunno. Made me feel less alone.”

That was the saddest thing I’d ever heard.

“Why don’t you pick whatever you’d like,” I hummed, nodding toward the first row of vendors. “My treat.”

“Is everything going to be your treat today?” Robin asked, squinting up at me.

“Yes.”

“Well, okay then, Daddy Ben-bucks.” He snorted out a laugh at his own joke, squeezed my hand tight, and leaned into my side. Glancing up at me through his lashes, shy and all grumbly masculine deliciousness, he added, “You do know I’m loaded, right?”

“Your wallet is no good when I’m around,” I informed him.

“Good to know,” Robin’s eyes crinkled, and something inside them settled.

“And for the record, I, too, am ‘loaded.’” I cracked a smile so he’d know he wasn’t making my wallet hurt by allowing me to take control financially. It gave me a thrill of satisfaction to know he was wearing the clothes I’d bought. That even when I wasn’t around, I was providing for him.

Robin’s eyes widened as he tilted his head and gave me a calculating look. “Iknewyour cologne smelled expensive,” he muttered under his breath.

And that was that.

We shared a bag of roasted nuts, a styrofoam cup of cocoa—not as good as Belgian cocoa, but still passable—and a cinnamon roll. I said a prayer for my blood sugar, but didn’t complain as Robin led us down each and every aisle on the hunt for gifts for all his favorite people.

It didn’t escape my notice that he didn’t buy anything for himself.

He hesitated when I first brought my card out, probably concerned that my offer to treat him did not extend to all of his purchases today. That was completely incorrect however, and I quickly soothed those fears.

With every purchase I made on his behalf, I stood a little taller.

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