Page 53 of Now You're Mine

Goddamn.Just when I start warming up to him again, he goes straight for the jugular.

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “It’s complicated.”

Everything is so muddied and fucked up between us, I don’t have a whole lot of hope.

Ash looks over at me. “I’m going to say something, and you might think I’m overstepping, but just hear me out. I care about youandLux—platonically,” he rushes to add.

I lift my hand, likewhatever.I don’t have enough energy left to tell him to fuck off. “Just say it, dude.”

“I don’t know everything about what just happened, but I do know that Lux has been througha lotin the last couple of years. She deserves peace, Roman. And we both know you can’t give that to her.”

His words sting, and I swallow back the urge to defend myself. There’s no defense for what I’ve done to her, and everything I’ve put her through. “We attend the same University,” I say in a flimsy excuse to stay in her life, even peripherally. “Even if we go our separate ways, we’re bound to run into each other.”

Ash twists his head to smirk at me. “You could have the pick of any school you want. You could leave ExU...”

I don’t say anything to that, because ExU is my home. I mean, damn, my house is literallyonthe fucking campus.

“Listen, I don’t know a whole lot about relationships,” he continues. “But if Lux even hasa shotat being happy, you have to give it to her, Roman. She deserves that much. And we both know that’s not going to happen as long as you’re around. You owe it to her to walk away.”

My chest constricts at the idea of letting Lux go, of never seeing her again. But he’s right. Lux deserves to be happy, and I can’t keep pulling her into my bullshit. It’s not fair to her.

We’re not even mentioning the baby. I know Ash heard me tell James that Lux is pregnant, but it feels like a topic neither of us wants to touch.

I blow out a breath and tilt my head back. “You know what I could really use right now? A drink…or three.”

Or an entire bottle of vodka.

Anything to drown the pain.

“Bet,” Ash says, turning off the main road. “I’ve got a place…”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Roman

It’s been two weeks,one day, and six hours since I’ve seen Lux’s face or touched her skin, and I feel like an addict coming off a cocktail of drugs. Most days, all I can think about is her. Even eating is a distant thought.

The only thing pulling my thoughts away from Lux are the thoughts about my brother, which end up sending me into a deep, spiraling depression. A week ago, we had a funeral for him, attended by close family and friends, and that was pure hell. All the tears, and the pity on everyone’s faces…it was too much.

Regardless of what happened, James was my brother, and the demons he wrestled weren’t his fault. He made choices, yes, but his reality was constantly shifting beneath his feet. How could he help himself, when he never knew what was real?

After the funeral, my mom insisted I get grief counseling. I was against it at first, because talking about feelings and shit never appealed to me. But in the wake of my brother’s death, I couldn’t exactly tell her no. So, I go through the motions a couple of times a week and pour the contents of my brain out to a guywho just sits back and listens, offering little tokens of perspective here and there.

It’s not terrible.

But when my brother isn’t haunting my thoughts, then Lux is right there, at the forefront. A couple of the guys have been keeping tabs on her from a distance. But Wyn is the one she’s been leaning on most, and I’m so damn grateful for that. At least she has someone.

It’s agony not seeing Lux, though. Just hearing her voice would be a relief, but I keep replaying what Ash said a couple of weeks ago.

You owe it to her to walk away.

In the wake of everything, I heard through the grapevine that Lux dropped the accusations against Jackson, Lucas, Christian, and me. But Ash will be formally initiated at some point in the next week, so he can remain a Sacred Son, and “change some shit around here.”

Whatever. Doesn’t matter to me now, anyway. After the funeral, I formally resigned from the Burning Crown and withdrew from Exeter University West. The guys were pissed when they found out, but ultimately, it’s what had to be done. Lux is never going to flourish as long as I’m here. I have to give her the space she needs, even though it’s killing me.Literallykilling me.

Most days, I find it hard to breathe.

Today, I’m lying in my bed, surrounded by boxes. A couple of days ago, I’d hired a moving company to pack up all my stuff—the few things Luxdidn’tlight on fire. The house will remain the headquarters of the Burning Crown, but Lucas is the oldest, so he’s in charge now.

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