“Did they tell you—?” The words are caught in my throat. I can’t even get them out.
Her face twists in pain. “They said you had to…” A fresh wave of tears stream down her face. “...they said it was self-defense.” I pull her into a hug, and she shakes her head against my chest. “He wasn’t right, Roman. Jail did something to him. He wasn’t himself.”
“It’s been coming on for a while now, Mom,” I say, resting my cheek against the top of her head. “He’s been struggling for a long time. We just couldn’t see it.”
We didn’t want to believe it. But who wants to believe someone they love is capable of the darkness James had sunk into? I didn’t ask the questions I should have, despite the parade of red flags he had trailing behind him. And the guilt of that will stay with me forever.
“Where’s Dad?” I ask.
She pulls back and wipes her tears with the heel of her palm. “He left for France yesterday.”
Of course, he did. “Does he know what happened?”
Mom shrugs one shoulder. “I left him a message, and he hasn’t called me back yet.” She shakes her head. “But there’s a time difference, so…”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding. Normally, I’d rant about how useless Dad is but now isn’t the time. We’re both exhausted and emotionally drained. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
I plan on calling a car for Mom, but as we walk into the waiting room, I see my aunt. She stands up and walks over to us, her face drawn. She reaches out and squeezes my arm. “You doing okay, kiddo?”
I smile faintly at her nickname for me. “I’m okay. And we’re done here, so—”
My aunt reaches forward and takes my mom’s hand. “No worries. I’ll take Jess home, and stay with her for a while. You just head home and try to get some sleep. We’ll check in with you later.”
I nod once and flash her another tight smile. “Thanks.”
When they leave, I pull my phone out to call a car. About a dozen texts pop up on my screen. They’re all from the guys, asking me how it’s going, telling me that when I’m done, they’ll be out in the parking lot, waiting for me.
I step outside, and squint against the bright sunlight. It’s wild how the sun can continue to shine after something so catastrophic happens. It feels like the ice caps should melt, the oceans should flood, and life on this planet should come to a screeching halt. But everything is…normal.
I guess the only apocalypse is inside my head.
I spot Ash leaning against the hood of his car, but he’s the only one. The other guys aren’t here, and I’m confused. Didn’t they just text to say they were waiting for me?
“Hey,” Ash says as I approach. He lifts his chin at the Sheriff’s Station. “Everything good?”
“Yeah.” I shrug, glancing around the near-empty parking lot. “Where is everyone?”
He pushes off his car and walks around to the driver’s side. “Lux got out about an hour ago, and Lucas took her home. The other guys were exhausted, so I told them to go home and get some rest, that I’d wait for you.”
I nod, relieved that Lux was taken home. “Thanks, man.”
Sliding into the passenger seat, I tilt my head back against the headrest and blow out a breath. Ash slides into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. As we pull out of the parking lot, he glances over at me. “That was a pretty gnarly night,” he says. “You doin’ okay?”
What a loaded question.
I’m bowed by the weight of my brother’s death, and the guilt I’m feeling is so sharp, it hurts to breathe. Could I have done something different? Was there some way I could have saved both JamesandLux?
“Not really.” Emotion settles like a boulder at the base of my throat. “But uh…I wanted to thank you, and tell you I’m sorry.”
Ash’s gaze returns to the road. “For what, man?”
“The thank you is for backing me up last night…” I shrug. “...and the apology is for everything that went down a couple of years ago. You tried to tell me about James, and I wouldn’t listen.”
Instead, I accused him of being disloyal and then madehimout to be the villain. But he held his ground, and I respect him for that.
“Listen, I know we’ve been through some shit, Roman, but—” He shakes his head. “—I’ve always got you. I hope you know that.”
“So what happens now between you and Lux?” he asks.