Page 38 of Now You're Mine

“I know your instinct is to lie, but tell me the truth for once, Roman,” she says, readjusting the pillow under her head like she’s tucking in to hear my whole life story.

Fuck it. There’s no us after this, anyway, so I might as well pour my soul out to her. I’m gutted either way. At least I’ll know I told her the truth.

I turn my body toward her, tucking the pillow beneath my head, too, so we’re face-to-face. “I said it…” I swallow past the bile rising in my throat. “...because it’s true.”

Admitting something so deeply intimate feels like an out-of-body experience. My heart is thudding heavily against the wall of my chest, and sweat beads on my temples. “I love you, Lux,” I say, smiling. “...almost as much as I love myself, and that’s saying something.”

She shakes her head, but the movement is restricted by the pillow. “Don’t do that.”

I smile at her. “Do what?”

“Make a joke of it.” She reaches out and places a hand on my face, stroking the stubble that’s forming along my jaw. “You don’t have to lie to me. I see you, Roman. All the darkest parts of you. And I wish…”

Oh, God.

“What do you wish?” I say, sucking in a breath, holding it.

She blinks at me, her round cheeks flushed pink. “...I wish things were different.”

That hits me hard because it’s confirmation that she can’t look past what I did. Not that I blame her, but there was a small part of me that hoped she might be willing to dousonce we escaped all the noise and chaos.

Worthless.

Lux is the first person—theonlyperson—who I’ve ever really opened up to. My brother gets a version of me. My mom, my bros, old girlfriends…they all get different versions of Roman Rush. My violent side, my sexual side, whatever. Lux is the only person on this rotting planet who’s gotten the real, unfiltered me.

And she’s walking away.

“I don’t think I can let you go,” I whisper, emotion catching in my throat. My chest aches, and my heart slows to a dullthud. I’d give anything to keep her. Literally anything.

She studies my face, brushing the tip of her finger along my bottom lip. I’d kill to know what’s going on in that beautiful mind.

“Everything happens the way it’s supposed to,” she says softly. “That’s what my grandmother always tells me.”

I take a strand of her hair between my fingers, stroking it, thinking of all the different ways I could steal her, and take her with me somewhere far away from all this. Just the two of us, soon to be three. She might be angry at first, but she’d come around eventually.

My gaze flicks up to meet hers. “I wish you could forgive me.”

She pulls in a long breath. “If only it were that simple.”

Those words cut through me like a knife, leaving a deep ache in my chest, because I know it’s what I deserve. “So where do we go from here?” I ask.

She shrugs, dropping her hand. “When we leave here…we go our separate ways. We move on.”

Move on. From her.

I sit with those words and let them sink in, but I know there’s no moving on for me. I could fuck other girls, sure. But I know there’s no one else on this planet that could ever compare to Lux. No one could even come close.

“And the baby?” I ask.

She flips onto her back, blinking, like I’ve reminded her of something she’d rather forget. “I don’t know. I haven’t made a decision about that yet.”

If her earlier words cut me open, this guts me, carving me out until I’m hollow inside. Ultimately, it’s her choice, but the idea that she might terminate our child hits me harder than anything.

I’m still stroking her hair, and I’m careful to keep my tone nonjudgmental. “Are you unsure because of how you feel about me?”

She pushes out a harsh breath, staring up at the ceiling. “Before my mom took off and joined that cult, she was a single parent, and I saw how hard it was on her. I don’t want that for myself, or for…” Her words trail off like it’s too painful to finish that thought…

“Regardless of what’s happening between us, Lux, I’m ready to take full responsibility.” My hand falls to her flat stomach. “This baby won’t want for anything. And neither will you.”

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