Page 9 of Don't Look Away

“So what happened?”

I turn my head to look at Roman. His beautiful face is drawn and serious like he’s focusing on my every word. “Before I continue, promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Promise me you’re not going to track him down and kill him or something.”

That earns me a smile. “You think I would do that?”

I just stare at him, because hehasto know what I’m thinking.

“I promise I won’t kill anyone.” He clears his throat. “Again.”

“Well, he’s in jail anyway, but who knows how far your family’s reach extends.” I sigh. “Anyway, he called me and we started seeing each other, going out on dates. He’s a couple of years older than me, and it’s clear he had money, so we went to some pretty fancy places. But, I don’t know, it gotreallyserious,reallyfast. He started telling me he loved me, like, two days in.”

Roman’s fingertip traces a new pattern around my breast, then my nipple. “Some people know right away who their person is,” he says, his gaze focused on his own fingers.

“Yeah, that’s not what this was. There was a desperation about him that made me uncomfortable. He would call me all the time, even really late at night, and just… wanted to be on the phone with me while he watched TV or whatever. It was weird.” I shrug. “But I figured it was just the intensity of a new relationship, so I brushed it off for a while.”

I swallow back the emotion that rises to the surface. “After a couple of months, it was clear he wasn’t going to relax. In fact, he only got more emphatic about how much he loved me, and if we weren’t together, he wanted to be on the phone with me, making sure I wasn’t talking to any other guys. So I broke up with him, and that’s when shit gotreallycrazy. He’d just show up at my apartment, or places I’d be. He texted my friends, he even put a tracker on my car. It was insane.”

Swallowing past the bile in my throat, I continue, “I went to the police, obviously, but they couldn’t orwouldn’tdo anything, not until he made a threat, or harmed me, which is so fucking stupid. So I did the only thing I could do, I texted him and told him to leave me alone, threatened him with all kinds of things, anything that would scare him and get him to go away. But that only managed to anger him–and that’s when it happened. That’s when he came to my apartment and…well, you know the rest.”

There’s a long stretch of silence, until finally, Roman asks, “Did you let him fuck you?”

The way he phrases that is strange, and his tone is angry, which has me wondering what’s going through his head. Does he think this was all my fault? Like I led this guy on or something?

“Yeah,” I say, opting not to elaborate.

Roman sits up abruptly and moves to the edge of the bed. I sit up, too, folding my legs in front of me. He dips his head, and all I can see is his tanned, muscled back. “You promised you wouldn’t get angry,” I say, my fingers itching to reach out to soothe him.

“I promised I wouldn’t kill him, not that I wouldn’t be angry.”

“Okay, well, it was long before I met you, so…”

“It’s unsettling,” he says, not even attempting to elaborate.

Uh. “What’s unsettling?”

He turns his head to look at me, his gaze catching mine. “I guess I just identify with him a little too much.”

That makes me pause. I mean…I hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah, they both have an intensity that can be overwhelming. But it’s different with Roman. I feel the same intensity he feels for me—as much as I’d love to deny it.

“It’s different with you,” I say. I don’t know if I should comfort him, but I feel compelled to for some reason.

He turns his whole body to face me, his pale gaze searching my face. “Would you put me in jail?”

Um, what a question. How do I even answer that? “I haven’t so far.”

“That’s not an answer.” He reaches out and brushes a thumb across my chin. “Tell me honestly, Lux. Would you have me thrown in jail for loving you?”

I swallow. “It was a sick kind of love. Toxic, unhealthy.”

His gaze is still searching my face, but he’s calm like we’re talking about the weather. “Isn’t that what this is?” he asks. “Toxic?”

I don’t say anything, because I honestly don’t know how to answer that. Of course, it’s been toxic between us, but it’s also beautiful, and addicting.

“Why him, and not me?”

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