Page 61 of Don't Look Away

He won’t join the Burning Crown.

He won’t protect his friends.

He won’t stay away frommychick.

This dude is a fucking coward.

“My side of things is all I have, Roman. You want her to know your side, then talk to her about it.”

He makes it sound so simple. Just talk to her, and she’ll get it. He doesn’t know the impossibility of making her see things the way I do. Too much has happened, too much damage has been done, and Ash doesn’t know about any of it. He only knows James from two years ago. Everything that’s happened since has been kept quiet. My dad is shit at everything,exceptkeeping the dark things in our family buried. It’s no surprise that he excels at that.

I blow out a breath. “Why are you here, Ash? Just say your peace, then leave me the fuck alone.”

“I told Lux to stay away from you, and God only knows why, but she won’t. So all I can do is try and make you see the truth.”

“Oh, yeah? And what truth is that?”

“You’re more like your brother than you realize,” he says. “He’s a lost-fucking-cause, but there’s still hope for you. Don’t follow him off the bridge, Roman. Don’t throw everything away for some misplaced notion of loyalty.”

I shake my head and look away. He’s not the first person to say that. The guys said the same thing to me earlier, that they were worried I was falling into the same trap my brother had fallen into.

I look over at Ash. I miss him as a friend, and I wish things were different. But how could I possibly turn my back on my own brother? The only two people James has are me and our mother. Friends, family, and acquaintances have all abandoned him…

“Is that what you came to say?” I ask.

“I also came to ask you to stay away from Lux.” He must see the look on my face because he lifts his hands in surrender. “Not because I’m after her, but because it’s the right thing to do. Stringing her along is selfish. You know that, Roman. She’s not the kind of girl who can survive being used and discarded.”

“Who said anything about discarding her?”

He laughs like he knows I can’t be serious. “Sooner or later, you know that’s what’s going to happen. She doesn’t belong in this fucked-up town. And she doesn’t belong with a guy who has more secrets than the mafia.”

“That’s overshooting it a little,” I say in a brief moment of brevity.

I have secrets, sure. Doesn’t everyone?

He paddles around, so the nose of his shortboard is facing the shore. “Not by much.”

When Ash leaves, I’m left alone again with my thoughts, but they’ve taken on an even darker tinge than before. The guys have already said they’re afraid that I’m turning into my brother, and now Ash has voiced the same concern.

Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe they all just know it’s a hot button for me. But if I’m being honest with myself, I know I’m losing control of this thing with Lux. I’ve been losing control for a while now. And maybe Ash is right. Maybe I should cut Lux free. It would be the kind thing to do…

Too bad I’m not kind. Not even a little.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

Lux

It’s beentwo days since the ritual, since I’ve set eyes on Roman, and I’ve forced myself not to contact him. Actually, the minute I was settled at Wyn’s, I blocked him. I need space, and so does he, clearly. Hopefully, Ash was able to talk some sense into him.

I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, but I assume one of the guys will tell me when it’s safe to have a conversation with Roman, once he’s cooled down a little. But how long is that going to take? Three days? Three weeks? Three months?

Whatever. I just need to keep my mind off Roman, so for the next day, I get on with my business; going to classes, and eating in the cafeteria. I’ve been living at Roman’s for the past few weeks, so I haven’t had to use any of my room and board money, which means my bank account is uncharacteristically flush, which is weird for me.

But Wyn’s roommate will be back on Monday, and I’ll have to figure out where I’m going after that. I can hardly sleep at night, worrying about where I’ll go, but that’s still a few days away, so I have a little time to figure that out.

I’m just slinging my backpack over my shoulder to head to my afternoon class when my phone rings. It’s an unknown caller with my area code, so I pick it up. “Hello?”

“Miss Anderson, this is Dr. Kimballs’s office calling. The results from your blood test have come in.”

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