Page 59 of Don't Look Away

“The ritual. It’s archaic, and borderline assault.”

She sits up and pins me with a withering stare. “It’s all consensual, Lux. No one is being forced to do anything.”

“Okay, well, that’s debatable.”

“Did they tell you that you could walk out at any point?” she asks pointedly.

“Yeah.”

“Did they hold a gun to your head?”

“No.”

She lifts her hands, likethere you go.

“Just because they didn’t force me, doesn’t mean what happened in that room was okay,” I say.

“It’s a secret society, Lux. What do you want the initiation ritual to be? Singing kumbaya around a campfire, and braiding each other’s hair? You can’t test people’s loyalty that way.”

Good God, I’ve managed to offend her by questioning the society's methods. I have to remember that not everyone sees this strange community the same way I do. My mom was lured into a cult so that obviously colors my view on these kinds of things. And even as a kid, I wondered why she never questioned their strange philosophy, or why none of their strict edicts threw up any red flags for her.

In the end, I just blow out a breath and concede. I don’t want Wyn to know I’m not a serious member. Much as I trust her, I can’t risk anyone getting suspicious of my motives.

“Yeah, fair point. Sorry,” I say. “I don’t mean to be critical. I’ve never really been a part of this kind of thing before.”

Wyn shrugs. “You’ll get used to it.”

I reach over and grab Wyn’s hand. “Thank you for letting me stay here. You’re a really good friend.”

That seems to dissolve her annoyance, because she smiles, and places her hand over mine. “Of course. I wasn’t going to leave you at Rush House with those brutes. And anyway, my roommate is up in San Jose this week for some kind of family thing, so it worked out. She said it’s cool if you use her bed. I’ll get you some fresh sheets in a bit.”

“You’re the best,” I say. “But you know what I could really use? A shower.”

I won’t have any of my clothes until someone brings them over, but I’m itching to get under a hot stream of water.

“Oh, yeah, no problem.” She pops up off the bed. “I have some freshly washed pajamas in the dryer you can borrow. I’ll just grab them real quick.”

“Thanks,” I say with a with a tight smile.

When she leaves my thoughts drift to Roman. I’m worried about him. First the shit with his brother, and then the betrayal of my initiation. I knew it would hit him hard, but damn. His reaction was even worse than I expected, and part of me wonders if he’ll ever forgive me for going behind his back…

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

Roman

The oceannever fails to calm me, even when I’m in the throws of rage. Throughout my life, the ocean has always been a constant. Never angry at me, never disappointed, always waiting with open arms to accept me into its cold embrace.

It’s late afternoon now, hours past the ideal time to surf. The waves are choppy and shallow, and the weather is slightly overcast, but I need to feel the water on my skin.

With nothing but my swim trunks on, I secure my surfboard to my ankle, then wade in. The water is frigid, but it invigorates me. I paddle a few hundred feet out, then straddle my board and wait for a decent wave to appear on the horizon.

The tranquility of the open ocean surrounds me, and my thoughts begin to wander to my brother, to what just happened between Lux and me in the ceremony room…

…this shit with Lux has gotten out of hand.

Lucas’ harsh words whirl inside my head, and beneath the anger and feelings of betrayal, I know he’s right. What I feel for Lux goes far deeper than anything I’ve ever felt before, and if I’m being honest with myself, that’s a terrifying realization.

What’s more terrifying is the knowledge that I’m going to have to give her up. Once she finds out who I am, she’ll run. No question. There’s absolutely no scenario where our story ends in a happily ever after. The odds were stacked against us before we even set eyes on each other.

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