Page 18 of Don't Look Away

“It is,” I supply.

Lucas lifts his head then and throws me an indignant look. “Dude, you’re the last person to talk about crass. Theentire housecan hear you and Lux going at it.”

Christian comes sauntering into the room, holding a half-eaten sandwich. His hair is wet, so he must have been out surfing. “What are we talking about?”

Lucas flicks his chin in my direction. “Roman being all high and mighty all of a sudden.”

“All of a sudden?” Christian laughs. “Dude came out of the womb on a high horse.”

“Funny,” I say flatly, and then I flick my chin at Ava. She’s been a Deb for a while, and she’s pretty chill. She puts up with Lucas, which is no easy feat. “Leave,” I snap at her, and she doesn’t waste a second. She rips her hand out of Lucas’ jeans and scurries off.

“Dude!” Lucas groans. “The next time you’re fucking, I’m going to knock on the door, just to fuck with you.”

“Fine, I don’t give a fuck,” I say quickly. What he doesn’t know is that a bomb could go off in the house, but if I were with Lux, I wouldn’t even know. Nothing else exists when we’re together. But I don’t dare say any of that. He already thinks I’m in love with her—yeah, I didn’t miss that offhand comment he made a few minutes ago, I just chose not to acknowledge it.

I glance between Christian and Lucas. “I need you guys to do me a favor.”

Christian takes a bite of his sandwich and leans against the doorframe. “What is it?” he asks between bites.

I lay down what I need them to do, and to their credit, they seem to take it all in. It’s a lot, but I have my own piece to execute, so I need this to be a team effort.

Then, finally, I ask, “Can one of you get a spot at the faculty club?”

The faculty club is a members-only hotel and restaurant on campus, where staff and faculty dine and fraternize. The restaurant looks out over a rose garden that’s absolutely bursting in the spring. It’s a popular spot for weddings and other events. And as alumni, all of our parents are members, but there’s no fucking way I’m approaching my dad for anything, let alone a favor.

“Yeah, probably,” Lucas says. “I’ll stop by the house and ask Mom if she can arrange it.”

“Great, thanks. Just have them put it on my dad’s tab.”

“Why not just ask your dad to arrange it for you?” Christian asks.

Lucas shoots his twin brother a glare. “You’re such an idiot. Sometimes I wonder if mom dropped you off a cliff when we were babies,” he scoffs. “Roman’s dad is a cunt, that’s why.”

Christian glances down. “Oh, right. Yeah. Fair point.”

“There’s always a price with my dad,” I say. “If he does me a favor, then he expects it to be repaid tenfold. The fact that I’m his flesh and blood is irrelevant.”

Thankfully, my grandfather knew that about his son, and when he died, he’d left Rush House to me. He knew my dad would just turn around and sell it to the university. One thing about my dad, he doesn’t give a fuck about legacy, or tradition. Money is his God, and it’s the only thing he loves.

“Yeah, sorry, dude,” Christian says. “Our mom will arrange it, no problem. What day?”

“Tomorrow,” I say. “I’ll get the word out.”

“Sounds good,” Christian and Lucas say in unison.

When I’m done with the guys, I head to the beach. My wetsuit is outside drying, so I grab it and my surfboard and head down to the dirt path that leads around my property, to the front of the house, and down to the beach.

It’s far too late in the day to surf, but I need the ocean right now. There’s just something about the water that calms me and provides clarity, and I need that right now. I have a lot of shit to work through in my head.

First, and foremost, what’s happening to me?

I can’t stop thinking about Lux. She’s my every fucking thought. And I can’t help but crave her: her scent, the feel of her skin against mine, the laughter that bubbles up from her throat when she’s amused by something I’ve said.

The water is cold when I wade in, even with my wetsuit on, but it feels invigorating. Shoving my surfboard in front of me, I paddle out a few yards, then sit on the board, and just…wait.

Am I turning into my brother?

That’s the terrifying thought that’s been circling in my mind for quite some time now. Every time that question has popped up, I’ve pushed it away and denied it. I’ve always felt like I’m too self-aware to lose myself to obsession the way my brother has.

---