Page 48 of Don't Look Away

At least, Ihopethat’s how he looks at it. Who really knows with Roman though?

A few minutes later, two girls come into the study, and I recognize one of them as Lindsay, the girl who assisted me during Tyler’s tribunal. I’m not sure who the other girl is, but I’ve seen her around.

“Christian sent us in here. He said you’re going through initiation,” Lindsay says, looking a bit confused. She indicates the petite brunette next to her. “This is Sara.”

“Hello,” Sara says cheerfully.

“Hi,” I say with a forced smile. I’m too nervous to do pleasantries.

Lindsay walks over to the changing room that adjoins the study and disappears inside, reemerging with the same white robe I wore during the tribunal. “You’ll need to change into this. Everything off, underwear, too.”

Nowthatgives me pause. We’re only two seconds into this thing, and I’m already alarmed. The actual ritual hasn’t even started yet. “I’m sorry,what?”

“Just the robe,” she says with a reassuring nod.

I look between the two of them. “Can you guys tell me what’s going to happen? I mean, you know, woman to woman. What can I expect?”

Sara and Lindsay glance at each other, almost like they’re asking each other permission to say something. In the end, though, Sara shakes her head. “You’ll find out soon enough. It’s not too bad, though. Don’t worry.”

I want to feel relieved by that statement, but I get the feeling she’s just saying that to calm me down. And it’s not working. My stomach is filled with more than just butterflies. Velociraptors have taken over, clawing at my insides with their sharp talons.

You wanted this,I remind myself.You asked for it.

I gesture to the changing room. “Um, can I….?”

“Oh!” Sara chirps, anticipating my question. She motions to the changing room. “Yeah, of course.”

With a nod and a stiff smile, I walk to the small room and step inside, shutting the heavy oak door behind me. I lock the door, then immediately kick off my shoes, and then remove every stitch of clothing until I’m naked. It’s not a particularly cold day, but I shiver as I pull the robe over my body, the soft fabric cool against my skin. I still feel naked, even with the thin material covering me.

With a huff, I fold my clothes up and stack them in a little pile on one of the wood benches, tucking my underwear under my jeans to hide them. There’s no mirror in this room so I just have to trust that my hair is in place. Still, I run my fingers through it, only noticing then that my hands are ice-cold, and shaking.

There’s a knock on the door. “Lux?” It’s Lindsay’s voice.

“Yup,” I say. “Come in.”

The door opens a little, and Lindsay peeks through the crack. “Hey, the witnesses are arriving, and they need to get their robes on, so we’re going to move you to the main chamber real quick.”

I swallow and nod, those velociraptors ripping my insides apart. “Oh, okay. I’m ready.”

Opening the door all the way, she and Sara usher me into the study, and we walk to the back of the room, to a wall of built-in bookcases. They push the hidden door open and lead me into the secret room.

Lindsay and Sara pull a table into the center of the room. It looks like something from another century—all wood, with leather straps dangling on either side. The back looks like it can be raised, so the person on it can be put in a sitting position.

“What the fuck isthat?” I know there’s fear in my voice, but that’s understandable, right? “It looks like something out of a Victorian psych ward.”

“It’s okay,” Sara says, adjusting the straps, so they’re draped over the table, instead of dangling. “We’ve all gone through this ordeal…well, the girls,” she corrects. “There’s a different ritual for the guys.”

Lindsay pats the table. “Up.”

“W-why?” I ask, suddenly feeling like I want to throw up.

Lindsay just pats the table again without saying anything.

“You’re not going to strap me down, are you?” I ask. The only thing more terrifying than being half-naked on a table is being strapped to said table. I still have a thing about being constrained, though I’m warming up to Roman doing it.

“Not yet,” Sara says evenly, giving nothing away.

Not yet.Okay. I can work with that. If the time comes, and I don’t want to be strapped down, then I’ll just say that. I’ll nope out. I’ll call this whole thing off.

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